To ‘let’ DD smoke weed

[sergsap08]

Name changed for this as this may be controversial and I don't want this to follow me around, I just want other peoples opinions

DD is almost 18, she smokes weed occasionally and although I don't like it, if I told her she wasn't allowed she'd do it anyway and just try and hide it from me. DS (20) also smokes weed and I'm the same with him, when I first found out I did try and stop him etc but that didn't work and id rather know what they were up to instead of them lying. They do it maybe once a month if that.

DD has a friend who smokes with her when she does, his mum doesn't like it and tries to stop him. Apparently, they were planning on smoking today but his mum found out and messaged me and told me I shouldn't be allowing it and she doesn't want DS involved as he's easily led as he has ADHD so she told me I should stop DD from smoking or she doesn't want him talking to DD (something I don't think she can stop as they go to college together etc) and she said I'm irresponsible for letting my children smoke.

Aibu or is she?

YANBU. I don't think you could 'make' your DD stop. Any more than the other mum can make her DS stop socialising with your DD. If you make something forbidden you make it more attractive. Your approach means your DD is much more lik

...posted too soon! Your approach means DD is more likely to talk to you about what she's doing, which is safer.

Couldn’t agree more…I give you this little gem…www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4640170-to-give-my-7-year-old-alcohol-free-beer?reply=120216182

I tried nagging DS to stop and it didn't work, he was about 17/18 so DD’s age. I tried to not let him go out etc but everything I did seemed to make him do it more which is probably the case for DDs friend but it's none of my business how his mum parents him. DS now doesn't do it that often because he knows I won't stop him. I didn't try and stop DD because I knew it would make her do it more.

Have you given her 'the talk'?
Does she know all the potential side effects of smoking cannabis?

If she smokes her own drugs that she buys with her own money away from your home I don't really see that there's much you can do other than educate her.

I've seen those sort of dependencies frequently with alcohol, never with cannabis. I live in a state where cannabis is legal. I know all sorts of professionals that use it - a veterinarian, two lawyers, a doctor, and countless software engineers. No rehab, no ruined lives. By the way since it is legal most people go with edibles they can buy in the pot store - gummies, chocolate etc. No smoke and no smell.
The hysteria over cannabis is misplaced. Your glass of wine is more dangerous.

It's fine. Legal in lots of countries.

I suppose you can’t stop them really.

My kids are only young but I really hope they don’t smoke when they get older. Tobacco or weed.

But I know they probably will. I won’t “let” them as in encourage them, but if they end up doing it they will have rules such as not in the house

I don’t care who you know. I’m talking about my own experience.

Weed enhances, and also triggers, MH problems. Not just the ‘mild’ ones like depression or anxiety - first episodes of schizophrenia and mania are linked to weed in 1 in 5 cases.

These diseases aren’t curable - full-on madness lasts for life. If you carry on smoking, no psych disease is fixable at all.

Most people get away with weed - just like people get away with cigarettes. But cigarettes only give you cancer, not psychosis.

There's a place between preventing it (you can't) and passively tolerating something you disagree with, to the point it's become normal and accepted in your household. That place is where boundaries are set.
If you don't disagree with it, fine. Just explain to the other mum why you don't consider it a problem. If you do disagree with it, I think you have a much harder job explaining why you've given it your tacit approval by allowing it in your home.
I agree with the other mum, you are DD are being very irresponsible in facilitating recreational drug use in a young man with a condition which may make him vulnerable.

@Liorae - legal cannabis isn’t the same drug as skunk or street weed.

Apologists don’t cut it (sorry) when it comes to what ends up in your kid’s lungs and brain in the UK.

You discourage her and ban it from your house. But ultimately she’s an adult you can’t stop her doing anything.

I've seen so many lives destroyed by weed. More than any other drug. So many who started smoking as teens and still smoke every day in their 30s.

You possibly can’t stop them but not should you facilitate or condone it. It led to my cousin’s death in his 30s so I have zero tolerance for it.

Aside from the mental health issues, where is she getting the weed from? That is a huge issue too. She is basically funding criminals and gang violence.

IMO alcohol is much more destructive than weed and ruins so, so many more lives. Alcohol is addictive, causes so much damage to organs and leads people to make insane decisions which can cause issues as well as injury and at the very least makes you make an utter twat out of yourself and throw up.

Alcahol ruins more lives before it's legal and much more accessible to the public in the same way sugar causes more harm than heroin and cocaine0because sugar is legal and socially acceptable. Weed is also addictive and too can cause 1 to make bad decisions.

*Weed, really unless there are underlying issues like MH disorders (schizophrenia, bpd etc) then the worst that's gonna happen is finding a dumb cartoon funny before you raid the cupboards for something to eat.

If she's not sitting baked all day every day and has an otherwise productive and happy life, it's not that big of a deal*

not true and your 2nd point explains why weed can be so dangerous-because some people do get hooked and spend years siiting baked all day every day with 0 motivation. I've seen it happen.

Does your DD and DS like young black men being stabbed to death, or the number of drug deaths in Mexico and other places? Effectively that is what her actions are condoning.

I'd also suggest never supporting them having driving lessons if they do not currently have a driving licence.

I know all sorts of professionals that use it - a veterinarian, two lawyers, a doctor, and countless software engineers. No rehab, no ruined lives

I know the same about professionals who drink alcahol and snort coke, sometimes the damage takes years to manifest.

OP is getting a hard time here. What did you say back to the text because if it was me I would sending a firm txt back!

That's life of a parent.... at 18 I'm not sure what OP is suppose to do. I think you sound like your doing V well!

In response to your comment though you must lead a sheltered life..... you can get weed anywhere just like most drugs 😂

They're adults, they can do what they want! 🤷‍♀️

I'd also rather have an adult child who was able to be open and honest with me than hide everything...🤷‍♀️

Weed killed my brother.
I would come down like a ton of brick if I caught either child smoking it, and explain my stance.

I'd go down the route explaining the impact drugs have on the poorer members of society.

Everything in moderation if she insists.

Daily smoking only ends in addiction.

I know a lot of weed addicted adults.

I allowed my youngest to smoke weed in her room from 16 because I knew that if I didn’t, since she was choosing to anyway, she would just do it outside. I didn’t want her getting high in a back lane and felt she was safer at home. She did it in moderation and grew into a very responsible adult. She is now a 40-year-old woman, earning a high salary and living in an expensive home. So, it looks like it wasn’t a horrific error on my part.

How can you stop them if not even in your house