To think my daughter has no empathy?

[clearasnight]

My daughter (24) is in her second year of being a newly qualified social worker. She loves her job however I know she has had her challenges since starting. However, she seems to feel nothing towards the children and families she is working with. When I ask her how she can't feel anything when hearing some awful things she says she just 'switches off' and feels nothing.

She was like this in her training also, her advisor told her to crank up the self care as she was going to be reading and watching some really disturbing stuff. She said none of it disturbed her, it's what she expected, she's desensitised to it and she knows it's going on in the world so what's the point in being upset about it all she can do is try to help people and make small changes?

I just feel like if I was doing her job I would constantly be in tears or worrying, she is very monotone and just seems to have no reaction. She relaxes fully when not at work which in itself is a good thing but I worry about her lack of empathy? AIBU to think to be a social worker you must have empathy? She's very cold.

I'm not in the field myself, but I have a lot of friends who are medics - doctors / nurses / midwives / paramedics etc.

They are all very caring and motivated people (nobody becomes a paramedic to make a million) and they cope by compartmentalising and utilising a VERY dark sense of humour because they HAVE to - they couldn't do their jobs if they were collapsing in floods of tears at every tricky moment.

Your daughter sounds well suited to and very good at her job, but she is not you and you have to accept that.

This. She is serving people who need it. That shows a level of commitment to the role which means she does care.

I've been in similar roles for 3 decades, dealing with some pretty terrible things. I can be a little 'cold' which is why I've survived and many others haven't. It's very very rare something 'gets' me and if it does, I have supervision, not my mum.

If she can remain professional and effective doing this job, she's a diamond and will do well.

Oh and my mum's a crier. I do find it difficult as some of it is definitely emotional manipulation. It makes me colder TBH. Very different to at work.

I work with similarly complex issues. There is an element of desensitisation, plus perspective developed through measuring situations against the worst possible situation experienced , plus a focus on problem solving, moving forward and meeting needs.

Not showing emotion is not the same and not having it.