AIBU to feel hurt at lack of birthday effort?

[totallyimperfect]

I’ll start by saying I did say to DH that I didn’t want him spending money on me (actually genuinely didn’t as like everyone it’s a bit tight at mo) but that he could maybe take a few bits of jewellery that I’ve had sitting in a drawer for ages and can’t wear with broken clasps etc to go get fixed?
I have 2 daughters, one a teenager and have always emphasised effort over cost on gifts, as like most mums I go to loads of effort so things are nice and everyone feels special on their birthday.
I was away for work for 2 days and finished early to get back to pick up youngest daughter from school and came home to some supermarket flowers and chocolates from DDs (I know this supermarket dash was a last minute thing) youngest did a picture of me which was my best present, husband gave me a card.
we had open evening at a school so spent the evening wandering round classrooms and then came home to eat ready made food, that I picked up from service station on way back from work.
I did tell my eldest I feel a bit sad at lack of effort and then felt awful for saying anything at all?
I did ask for low key birthday AIBU to feel sad for rubbish low effort birthday?

Is dh usually this thoughtless? sounds like you’re not at the top of his list of priorities

So you send that you didn't want any money spent. That makes it very difficult to do something or get something

Yabu. If you wanted a fuss then you should have said so.

Husbands effort was a bit lame. I would tell him today that you would really appreciate him getting your old jewellery repairs sorted as that was all you really wanted for your Birthday. If he refuses to do that for you then I would escalate to an argument but hopefully he will do it with a little more prompting.

They still could have put on a nice birthday tea.

Dinner still needs to be paid for whether it's a birthday or not.

I think by telling your daughter and not your dh you're making it her responsibility to sort him out in future.

I get you completely, it is very possible to feel cared for without money spent: last year my teen daughter (who is an amazing seamstress) snuck my winter coat to school to double-hem all the pockets for my birthday by hand. My DH makes me feel cherished without spending a penny. On the other hand my exH forgot my 30th completely and didn’t even get the kids to give me a cuddle, I felt very flat that day!
Don’t feel bad for showing your daughter you have valid emotions, talk to your DH too .

He's a dick. Take your jewellery to be mended and pay for it out the joint account. Next time order yourself a takeaway and eat it by yourself.

Your husband is a dick & totally copped out, hoping to hide behind your 'no spending' comment. He could still have made the day special. Definitely should have sorted your jewellery but also should have shopped/cooked a meal, run you a bath, arranged a supermarket bought cake, bought you at least a small token gift - fave smellies maybe? None of that would have broken the bank. I'd be FUMING at him.

I always make a fuss on DH and DS’s birthdays but I’m really explicitly clear that I expect a fuss made of me on mine too. In fact, I’m absolutely shameless about it and get involved in planning what we’re going to do and what I want to eat.

I don’t leave it to chance but am very clear that if everyone else is getting nice birthdays, I am too.

Thing is you can spend little money but make an effort.

Supermarket flowers - displayed in your favourite vase with a handmade note

Home made dinner (even nuggets) - but using all your fancy cutlery, table cloths etc and pretending you're out at dinner

Can't afford cinema - homemake popcorn stick your fave movie on and treat YOU as if you are there. Tickets made by kids etc

I'm just saying, no money doesn't mean you can't be made to feel you've been thought about.

I'm sorry you were left flat Op. xx

Oops. Sorry for habitual kisses 😭

Have to say that following one particular disappointing birthday, I do now take control by telling my husband exactly what present I would like and making sure I book a reservation in a restaurant I want to go to (or asking him to cook a particular meal/choosing the takeaway). I don’t leave it to chance anymore as my husband isn’t the romantic or thoughtful sort, though he’s a good sort in other ways.

So you did want something special. And why so dismissive of “supermarket” flowers. My local Aldi or Sainsburys always have lovely flowers.

Stop making a fuss for DH’s birthdays. Petrol garage flowers and chocolates from now on only.

As for teen, she should have done more, what did she say? Scale back for her too.

😂 plan!

The flowers are actually lovely, came with chocolates I thought they knew I didn’t like, just felt like an afterthought

Didn’t say a lot, perhaps feels a bit guilty but everything is definitely about her at mo- Hotmail teenager I guess

What was with the service station food though?? Unless it was an M&S outlet??

Would you not have treated / suggested a take-away?

Keep on at DH to get the jewellery fixed as that's what you really wanted.

Good idea, how crap though that he couldn’t even get the ready made food at the worst

It’s the best cost effective place to buy flowers though and if they’d have been bought more days in advance they wouldn’t have been as fresh… I think it’s wrong to take issue with that from your DD. Did ur DH get the jewellery fixed?

Absolutely! That’s what I mean, my daughters birthday was last weekend and I made a cake, set up a screen for home cinema, strung up banners etc. Didn’t want all above but maybe not to do the dinner and someone to at least have chosen the chocolates that I like. Know I need to let it go…

Need them today 😂xx

thats lovely 😊

Why did you talk to your daughter, not DH? And why are you disappointed with her, when she actually did something and GH did nothing? You dont have kids to get back.