To get rid of the dog

[Feelingbluey]

We have two dogs, aged 7 and 4 and love them both. Had them both from puppies. The younger dog has become very growly and aggressive the older he is getting. He'll growl and try to start a fight with the older one out of absolutely no where. Luckily the older one rarely reacts which de-escalates things quickly but every once in a while they will have a horrible fight if the older one does react. It's never the older one who starts it. He gets very nervous of meeting other dogs on a walk and 7 times out of 10 maybe will just go ballistic if we meet one and bark very aggressively at them so he has to stay on the lead at all times and we avoid other dogs if we see them coming.
He's started to just randomly growl in the last year or so too, I can't pinpoint exactly when that happened but it is relatively new.
I have a 2yo DD and am heavily pregnant. For the first time ever he growled at my DD yesterday and turned to nip at her, he didn't touch her but it made me extremely uncomfortable. We were all three on the couch together so I was right there and she did not do anything to him that I saw, I can only think at all that she may have stretched a leg and maybe to him felt like a kick but she did absolutely nothing deliberate or obvious to him. I already never leave her alone with them but the fact I was right there, he seemed perfectly calm and settled then suddenly started growling and turned as though to nip her has terrified me and I can't get out of my head now that we need to re-home him.
He's honestly a lovely dog when he's not growling and he has never bitten another dog or person but he is getting progressively more grumpy and unpredictable.
I don't know what has caused him to be like this, we did everything we were 'supposed' to do and he has an hour's walk minimum every day and lots of fuss, admittedly less than he had pre DD but still.
DH and I both work full time, we've spoken about how we just don't have the time to give him what he needs as he obviously needs some more extensive care than we have been offering and as I can't trust him around the children, I think the only option is to find another home for him which breaks my heart because I do love him so much, but I have to prioritise my children. I think he needs a home without other dogs and without children which we obviously cannot offer him.

I think you - deep down - know the answer to this question don't you OP?

The dog was there first so you’ll need to give up the kids.

I do believe we take on a dog for its full life. That said, you clearly feel he should be removed and I tend to agree. I would try to hold him until such time as you can locate a suitable new home where he will be showered with love and attention.

You’re one of those people. Poor pup. He deserves a home where he will be truly loved and cherished.

If it's a sudden change in temperament - it's definitely worth a trip to the vet. It could be he's in pain or there could be a neurological issue. Have you thought about a behavioural specialist?
It sounds like you need to act asap.

My sisters youngest pup was like this and she’s slowly gone through a check of list of things to try. The trouble is that everything takes time, you obviously can’t just flit from one thing to another. And she is finally making progress. But I don’t think you’ve got the time. I honestly think you probably do need to rehome, heartbreaking as that is for all involved. Better to have the foresight than the hindsight on this one.

In your shoes I think I would take him to the vet to check he’s not in pain from anything that could be addressed but if that didn’t turn up answers then he needs rehoming.

He’s clearly not happy in his environment and it’s not fair on your other dog or children to have to tip toe around him or risk being bitten.

I can't believe some of the responses on here. First and foremost protect your child. No one wants to read yet another story of a child being hurt or worse by a dog.

Op this is Mumsnet where dogs come before all else and you are obviously a complete cunt for not wanting your children bitten. Bad place to ask for reasonable advice.

Yes rehome it. You can't have a dog around children that may attack them.

Rehome it. You have to prioritize your children.

I’d choose my kids over my dog but yeah ok weirdo.

I think this may be the wrong forum to ask this question in and you’re going to get some unpleasant responses.

If I were in your shoes, I would rehome the dog. He clearly has some serious behaviour issues which sound like they are fear based. In an ideal world you would get a behaviourist in and ensure that the dog and your DD are kept a safe distance apart until the issues are resolved. Realistically, it doesn’t sound like your in a position, practically or mentally, to do that. Your priority has got to be the safety of your DD which means that unless you have the ability to keep the dog physically separate from her, then your most prudent course of action is to rehome him.

Unfortunately rescue centres are currently bursting at the seams with dogs with behavioural issues so you may struggle. Please do not try and conceal his problems and sell him via Preloved or gumtree or offer him free to a good home. If you can’t rehome him safely, and you cannot keep him separate from your DD then sadly you may have to consider having him PTS. It’s not a nice decision to have to take, but sometimes it is the most responsible one you can take.

I’m sure you’ll have lots of people on here telling you how awful you are for considering rehoming a dog for an issue that can potentially be resolved. In a perfect world you wouldn’t be in this situation, or if you were you’d do the work to resolve in. Sadly we don’t live in a perfect world with perfect people and sometimes we have to make a less than ideal decision. I’m hope it’s not one you will take lightly.

@youlooklikeapenis Of course the op should protect her child. The dog clearly should be rehired if a potential threat.

but the point is that op has revealed her own total disregard for the dog by asking is he should just be “gottten rid of”.

it is repulsive that people such as the op use dogs for fun and to feel god emotionally but then when a dog has issues to treat it like garbage.

dogs are sensitive and vulnerable animals. My experience is that the way people treat dogs tells you all you need to know about them as a person

in this case the dog has been let down by the op. I think that the dog clearly needs to be rehomed - but that needs to be done though fully and carefully

My 3yo dogs behaviour got progressively worse. Started off with being reactive to dogs but when he started being people reactive, I got an excellent dog trainer. Admittedly it’s not cheap and it is an extremely intensive form of training, fully crated unless being walked or trained, training 4 times a day and only hand feeding.

if you are serious about wanting the best for your dog, get him trained. It won’t be easy or cheap, there are even residential trainers who can take your dog away and bring him back fully trained.

What behavioural issues have you recognised and addressed and what training have you given?

Some things are common sense tbh - we don’t ever allow our dog on the sofa since she growled and resource guarded it. I’d be using room dividers / the crate / guards to keep your dogs away from each other and so some proper training

vet check too

what breed is it?

I'm not taking this decision lightly at all. He's had behavioural issues for over a year now but he's never behaved aggressively towards DD before so that's literally the first time this thought has come to me as whatever I can try to do, it's still about balancing the risk of 'what if' he did hurt my child in the mean time? We have worked with him, he goes to work everyday with DH (who works outside so lots of outdoors play everyday) and we have tried to find resolutions for his nervousness of other dogs but nothing we have done has made any positive difference and we do struggle with the time to dedicate solely to him when we have jobs, a toddler, another on the way and another dog and obviously once Baby is here that time is even less. I know it's not ideal and I don't need to be told what a terrible person I am for even considering it but what other option is there that also guarantees the safety of my children? I can't go back in time and not have the children or change whatever has gone wrong in his training. We haven't abused him, he's been well cared for all his life and we did everything we were 'supposed' to do; took him to puppy school, play dates with other dogs, introduced him to the baby slowly; he's always cared for by a vet anytime there's been the slightest issue, he's walked every day, fussed and played with every day and we all love him very very much. But he's still increasingly aggressive and I'm not a good enough dog trainer to know what I can do about it and I'm not prepared to risk my children's safety whilst I try to figure it out. So judge me by all means but I'm actually looking for advice, not just a bollocking for being a terrible person because as superior as that might make you feel, it doesn't do anything to help my dog when I'm asking for it!

I really think that you need to get him to the vets today, where they need to do as many health checks as possible, including
x-rays and scans, palpating and blood tests. They need to keep him in overnight until they have all the results - it will be expensive, and pet insurance might not cover the investigations unless the vets do find a painful physical problem with him.

Has he had the snip yet, as his testosterone levels may be making him more aggressive, and what breed of dog is he?

If the vet cannot find any reason for his increasingly bad behaviour then ask them for a recommendation of a good dog behaviourist, and if you tell us what area of the country you live in there are probably mumsnetters in that area who can give you their own recommendations.

Re-homing your DDog should be the last resort, but you will need to keep your child and other dog safe while having your young dog trained. If nothing works then I am afraid that your DDog will need to be re-homed, but in that case please make sure that he goes to a healthy and well experienced couple who don't have children, or other pets, but do preferably have experience of the same breed as your DDog.

If you have to choose a rescue see if you can find a breed specific one and give a donation. They will ask for a donation from whom ever adopts their dog but in the meantime will have their own costs while he is in kennels/foster. He could be a difficult adopt due to his current tendencies which you must be honest about.
Please take the time to look at where you have the option to send him and please give a donation.
If you need any suggestions I'm sure there will be plenty of people with advice or do some good internet searching

I agree that the first step would be to get the dog checked out by the vet to make sure there isn’t anything physically wrong with it. Sudden behavioral changes can be a symptom of physical problems.

He's a working cocker spaniel. He is a beating dog (seasonally with my husband) but we focus on his training year round. We saw a behaviourist just after DD was born regarding the nervousness and aggression to other dogs on walks but this didn't actually help improve things. He saw a vet just a few months ago after getting a grass seed stuck in his ear and they gave him a good check over and found nothing else at all wrong. He also has his annual health check when he has his boosters and the vet knows about his behaviour and still found nothing physically wrong. He has been neutered. The nervousness towards other dogs is not my worry, we can keep him on lead and keep him separate from other dogs and up until a year or so ago this was the only issue. My concern is he's getting worse and now growling in the house more and being grumpy with our other dog and now this reaction to my DD. It just feels like he's getting worse and I don't know how we can tackle it.
I do keep him separate from DD, I never leave them alone (with either dog) but my DD is 2, we can't just leave her unattended in another room either whilst we play with the dog so we are either together as a family or he's shut away in his room. It's not fair for him to be left on his own for longer and longer periods and I can't see how that will help.

Have you looked for professional advice anywhere? Spoken to your vet to rule out pain or get advice? There’s a fantastic Facebook group called dog training and support that has really good guides for all sorts of issues as well as access to dog behaviour specialists. We can claim up to 1k worth of behaviourist fees through our pet insurance - have you checked yours? Can you get stair gates to ensure your child and dog are separated?
It seems like you just want rid which is obviously up to you but if you don’t have you really exhausted all options? You dog won’t be rehomed easily - shelters are full of dogs without behavioural issues.

I know this is a serious post by the OP but this comment made me laugh 😂