Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fling has messaged again...what do I do?

60 replies

Hazeleyeslie75 · 22/09/2022 18:57

N/c
So awhile ago when me and dh were on a break had a fling with a childhood friend who I just got chatting to via social media.
He was very persistent, wanted more..didnt take no for an answer. After me and dh rekindled, he has messaged a couple of times
EACH time I have blown him off in somewhat polite and impolite ways (was not getting the message)
Last message sent at Christmas where I basically told him to get lost.

Last night got a message again and a friend request. So its been almost a year :(

What on earth do I do? I am afraid he will ruin things
Also, this is gettin beyond freaky now.

OP posts:
VroomVrooom · 22/09/2022 18:58

Why haven’t you blocked him?

Noviembre · 22/09/2022 18:58

Block him. Or you're just thriving off the attention.

fairgame84 · 22/09/2022 18:58

Block him.

OurChristmasMiracle · 22/09/2022 18:59

Is your dh aware of the fling? If not I suspect you may need to tell him.

secondly I would send a short abrupt message back stating that you are not interested in pursuing any type of relationship with him and any further attempts at communication will be treated as harassment.

then block

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 22/09/2022 19:00

It's not 'beyond freaky'. It's not even close to freaky. He's testing the waters.

Just block him. Message him first if you must, to tell him you're not interested as you've repeatedly said, and then block.

Original poster
Hazeleyeslie75 · 22/09/2022 19:00

Ok forgot to say the reason I have not blocked him as he knows husbands name. He can easily message him.
That is the only reason. I want rid.³

OP posts:
fairgame84 · 22/09/2022 19:01

Hazeleyeslie75 · 22/09/2022 19:00

Ok forgot to say the reason I have not blocked him as he knows husbands name. He can easily message him.
That is the only reason. I want rid.³

Doesn't DH know about the fling?

Tell him you're not interested then ignore.

0nTheEdge · 22/09/2022 19:01

I agree you need to talk to your husband. No need to go into details, just a fling whilst not together, but that he's now harassing you. Take the power away that you feel he has over you

Original poster
Hazeleyeslie75 · 22/09/2022 19:02

I have tried the harassment line a couple of times actually. That is what worries me the most..not getting through.

OP posts:
VroomVrooom · 22/09/2022 19:04

Well then, you need to tell your husband.

I mean, obviously you need to, because who would you rather your husband heard it from - fling or you?

It looks like it’s going to be one or the other, so ….

minticecreamisjustok · 22/09/2022 19:08

I'm going to say don't tell your husband, it wouldn't go down well especially as he knows of him. Tell the fling that you are no longer single, wish him the best but you can't message him, hopefully then it won't be spiteful and reach out to your DH and he gets the message loud and clear.

girlmom21 · 22/09/2022 19:12

Tell him you got back together with your husband and so it's not an option and you'd be grateful if he didn't contact you again.

If he does, go to the police for harassment but you're almost certainly going to have to fess up if you go down that route.

ILikeHotWaterBottles · 22/09/2022 19:12

You should probably tell your husband or this guy is likely to, although he hasn't yet so you might be ok. Bit of a risk though.

Original poster
Hazeleyeslie75 · 22/09/2022 19:17

I have said all this
I have tried nice messages and then had to be not so nice, threatening harassment. It seems ti work but for a few months then will message again.
Although, this has been the longest stretch almost a year so not sure why he randomly appears and carries on.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 22/09/2022 19:19

What did his message actually say?

VroomVrooom · 22/09/2022 19:20

So I don’t know what you want any of us to suggest, then.

VroomVrooom · 22/09/2022 19:22

And not to be all Rachel, but I have to wonder….

Were you actually on a break…..? 🤔

Clearly you will say you were - you have said you were. But it doesn’t stop me wondering.

MidnightMeltdown · 22/09/2022 19:22

Did you make it clear to this guy from the beginning that it was just a fling? Maybe he thought it was the start of a relationship.

See lots of posts like this from women who were used by men. Were you using him?

PollyAmour · 22/09/2022 19:27

I still don't see why you can't just completely ignore his messages, if you don't want to block him. I would also tell DH this bloke is being a pain in the arse and harassing you.

Original poster
Hazeleyeslie75 · 22/09/2022 19:34

Definitely were on a make or break!! And husband had many shenanigans if you must know!

OP posts:
Meseekslookatme · 22/09/2022 19:34

Block, ignore, move on.
If he contacts you on other sm platforms same again.
Block block block
Feels mean, but you get over it quickly. Promise 🙂

Meseekslookatme · 22/09/2022 19:37

Has he ever been nasty?
Ever threatened you in any way?

Original poster
Hazeleyeslie75 · 22/09/2022 19:37

Not in the slightest. Met through a reunion. Didnt expect anything to happen...

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 22/09/2022 19:37

I don’t get why this is an issue? Just tell your husband the fling is being annoying.

Original poster
Hazeleyeslie75 · 22/09/2022 19:38

Sorry that above response was for me using him. Why would I use a man?!

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread