AIBU?
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
loveyoutothemoon · 22/09/2022 21:19
I totally agree with not emailing him, frustrating though!
His Instagram was open to follow and there was clearly no wedding ring, but he's probably in a relationship/ignoring me or not seen it.
Agree that I would find it weird receiving a work email but if someone got in touch with me on another platform, even all those years later, I wouldn't find it weird, just a simple how's life treating you message.
I've looked on linked in but not properly.
Thanks everyone. I suppose yeah, I still hold a torch. Online dating hasn't worked for me.
Lisad1231981 · 22/09/2022 22:27
Someone did this to my DH. He had no idea who she was and he was very embarrassed. He told her he was engaged (before we married) and she said "oh that doesn't matter" 😵
It is weird I'm afraid but tbh if your willing to not have a response, then I would do it. Keep it friendly, what's the worse that could happen?
Johnnysgirl · 22/09/2022 23:05
His Instagram was open to follow and there was clearly no wedding ring
Do you mean his photo showed he wasn't wearing a ring? You know some men don't? It's not proof positive that he's single, or not in a relationship.
You have no idea what's been happening in his life for the last 30 years!
This is insane.
He may not even remember you.
Noteverybodylives · 23/09/2022 06:55
You’ve messaged him on Instagram. So just wait and see.
If he is ignoring you then he’d do the same through and email anyway.
Carry on with OLD and start a new hobby to meet new people.
It’s crap when things don’t work out but trying to rekindle a relationship from 30 years ago isn’t the answer.
iklboo · 23/09/2022 11:25
He wouldn't lose his job....Christ..... if his company allows him to post his email on t'internet for a 30 year old crush to find it then that's more fool them
A lot of places publish employees work emails on the business website / LinkedIn. So they can be contacted about, you know, work stuff. Not for some random crush from 30 years ago to get in touch.
Glad you've seen sense OP.
Bookworm20 · 23/09/2022 11:33
As you know where he works, is there a way you could engineer an accidental bumping into him sort of thing. not in a stalkerish way, but perhaps happen to be having a coffee somewhere he might walk past and you can do the old 'oh my goodness, Jim? Is that you? fancy seeing you here, how are you blah blah blah'
But not stalkery OP. Just perhaps putting yourself in the vicinity of where he works and letting fate do the rest.
billyt · 23/09/2022 11:44
iklboo · 22/09/2022 18:37
Absolutely not. You could get him into trouble at work for inappropriate IT use, as well as coming across as a desperate stalker. Why would you even think this was OK?
Do you even know the bloke? If he's married, got kids, straight?
Don't be ridiculous. How would he get into trouble over a message he has received? In your scenario anyone could get someone else into trouble by sending that someone a nasty email. Don't think so.
Maybe he could have problems if he responded and even then it depends on what is written.
ps. OP, your title is a bit misleading though. You fancied him 30 years ago. Things might have changed 😂
girlmom21 · 23/09/2022 12:22
Bookworm20 · 23/09/2022 11:33
As you know where he works, is there a way you could engineer an accidental bumping into him sort of thing. not in a stalkerish way, but perhaps happen to be having a coffee somewhere he might walk past and you can do the old 'oh my goodness, Jim? Is that you? fancy seeing you here, how are you blah blah blah'
But not stalkery OP. Just perhaps putting yourself in the vicinity of where he works and letting fate do the rest.
Pretending it's not stalkery doesn't make it less so.
iklboo · 23/09/2022 12:53
As you know where he works, is there a way you could engineer an accidental bumping into him sort of thing. not in a stalkerish way, but perhaps happen to be having a coffee somewhere he might walk past and you can do the old 'oh my goodness, Jim? Is that you? fancy seeing you here, how are you blah blah blah'
But not stalkery OP. Just perhaps putting yourself in the vicinity of where he works and letting fate do the rest.
Stop watching romcoms. This is bollocks. Desperate bollocks.
Johnnysgirl · 23/09/2022 13:18
But not stalkery OP. Just perhaps putting yourself in the vicinity of where he works and letting fate do the rest.
Fate, eh? 😂
Don't encourage her to imagine their meeting is written in the stars. He probably won't even remember "fancying" op 30 years ago.
Winceybincey · 23/09/2022 13:39
Do you know if he’s single or not?
my husband has linked in and the messages from that and his work email pop up on his phone display. One of his suppliers was emailing him and inboxing him on Linked In and I saw her ridiculous flirty messages desperately trying to get him out drinking with her quite often. He didn’t go out with her btw. That LinkedIn is a cesspit. Sending direct to his email address seems a bit more personal though and if he has a partner then the email could show up on the display and take them both by surprise. Don’t do it.
wellhelloitsme · 23/09/2022 14:06
Bookworm20 · 23/09/2022 11:33
As you know where he works, is there a way you could engineer an accidental bumping into him sort of thing. not in a stalkerish way, but perhaps happen to be having a coffee somewhere he might walk past and you can do the old 'oh my goodness, Jim? Is that you? fancy seeing you here, how are you blah blah blah'
But not stalkery OP. Just perhaps putting yourself in the vicinity of where he works and letting fate do the rest.
That's not 'stalkery' it's completely inappropriate, intrusive and frankly stalking...
girlmom21 · 23/09/2022 14:08
I'd be interested to know what kind of man has an Instagram account with photos that make it obvious they're not married but that also has no followers and is following nobody.
I'd actually assume a different stalker woman has set that up to try and catch him or somebody else out.
Johnnysgirl · 23/09/2022 14:29
girlmom21 · 23/09/2022 14:08
I'd be interested to know what kind of man has an Instagram account with photos that make it obvious they're not married but that also has no followers and is following nobody.
I'd actually assume a different stalker woman has set that up to try and catch him or somebody else out.
Now you mention it... 🤔
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