Page 23 | Entitled attitude: grandparents must provide childcare

Hope54321 · 2022-09-22T13:11:07+00:00

I’m seeing a lot more of this attitude quite recently. Why do people have children if they can’t look after them or pay for their childcare? Why is it that grandparents are expected to do the childcare so the parents can work? I think it’s acceptable if the grandparents are offering to help out, but to feel like grandparents should be obliged to offer childcare is simply taking the biscuit.

Madamum18 · 23/09/2022 17:59

tfresh · 22/09/2022 14:17

It's the world grandparents have created. Most families will require 2 working parents to have any chance of putting a roof over the kids head.

Grandparents could avoid this by giving back to the system that has given them so much. However, I don't see this happening anytime soon, so maybe chin up and help out.

What???

Madamum18 · 23/09/2022 18:00

Dotjones · 22/09/2022 14:30

Everything a child does, even when they reach adulthood, is ultimately the responsibility of their parents and grandparents. Therefore it's right that grandparents should be expected to provide free childcare for their grandchildren; if they didn't want to do this, they shouldn't have had children of their own in the first place, that way the grandchildren could never have existed.

What on earth are you on about? Parents responsibility!! NOT grandparents

Reveriesreverie · 23/09/2022 18:06

Yes. You voted a succession of @#£&)+)- into parliament. Your house prices were peanuts. You earnt enough to have the luxury to stay at home looking after your kids whilst your husband went to work a job that covered all the expenses. You chose to have children that are now suffering the consequences of your voting actions.

Roll up your sleeves and help them. Cause we're all struggling.

Dacadactyl · 23/09/2022 18:09

Reveriesreverie · 23/09/2022 18:06

Yes. You voted a succession of @#£&)+)- into parliament. Your house prices were peanuts. You earnt enough to have the luxury to stay at home looking after your kids whilst your husband went to work a job that covered all the expenses. You chose to have children that are now suffering the consequences of your voting actions.

Roll up your sleeves and help them. Cause we're all struggling.

Unbelievable.

dutyfirstselfsecond · 23/09/2022 18:11

Life was different for previous generations. Their money went further than it does today

Wr need to work full time to pay mortgage on a crappy terraced house whereas my parents bought a five bed detached property on just one salary

Wouldloveanother · 23/09/2022 18:12

Reveriesreverie · 23/09/2022 18:06

Yes. You voted a succession of @#£&)+)- into parliament. Your house prices were peanuts. You earnt enough to have the luxury to stay at home looking after your kids whilst your husband went to work a job that covered all the expenses. You chose to have children that are now suffering the consequences of your voting actions.

Roll up your sleeves and help them. Cause we're all struggling.

This!

dutyfirstselfsecond · 23/09/2022 18:12

And mum stayed at home. So they didnt need childcare help

I have no choice

And even if i did, im not staying home with a kid and most blokes certainly wont do it

Dacadactyl · 23/09/2022 18:17

Can i ask the last few posters what do you did in your 20s? Apologies if you are all still in your 20s and struggling with these childcare dilemmas. I am just curious.

For example, how many times did you go abroad or change your car?

Blossomtoes · 23/09/2022 18:19

Reveriesreverie · 23/09/2022 18:06

Yes. You voted a succession of @#£&)+)- into parliament. Your house prices were peanuts. You earnt enough to have the luxury to stay at home looking after your kids whilst your husband went to work a job that covered all the expenses. You chose to have children that are now suffering the consequences of your voting actions.

Roll up your sleeves and help them. Cause we're all struggling.

I was a single parent. I worked full time when childcare was like rocking horse shit. I wasn’t able to buy my shitty two bed terraced house until I was 37, before that it was a series of grotty rented flats. The rose tinted view that people who weren’t even born have of my life back then couldn’t be further from the reality.

LunaMuffinTop · 23/09/2022 18:21

Op do you know my sister because she is exactly the same our parents are disabled and have looked after my niece since she was born she never asked them if they could she would just dump her daughter on them never even offered any sort of payment they have saved her a lot in child care they never get a thank you she wasn’t working when she had my niece but found any excuse to leave her with my parents this has been going on for 9 years and I don’t think she will ever change even though both our parents are disabled, our mum can’t see because of cataracts in both eyes she’s waiting for the operation and our dad also has cataracts in both eyes and has been ill since last week with his epilepsy and has my sister offered any sort of help or told them not to worry about getting my niece from school and looking after her until my sister finishes work nope she has just carried on like normal. It pisses me off no end how badly she treats our parents and how she just expects them to look after her daughter she has never once said thank you to them she wouldn’t be able to work if it wasn’t for our parents but she seems to have forgotten that.

allyb1 · 23/09/2022 18:25

tfresh · 22/09/2022 14:17

It's the world grandparents have created. Most families will require 2 working parents to have any chance of putting a roof over the kids head.

Grandparents could avoid this by giving back to the system that has given them so much. However, I don't see this happening anytime soon, so maybe chin up and help out.

Definitely this.

Gingernan · 23/09/2022 18:26

My grandparents rarely helped out with any of us, we didn't live that near.Loved visiting though. Likewise my inlaws and my dad rarely helped out with mine .(My mum died when I was 11) just too far away. My late husband said we should only ask his parents in an emergency as they had brought up one lot of kids already.
My grandchildren don't live near either though I certainly help out when I can and regularly have them at the weekend. I'm still working out of necessity at 73, and am the only grandparent.

Wouldloveanother · 23/09/2022 18:28

Dacadactyl · 23/09/2022 18:17

Can i ask the last few posters what do you did in your 20s? Apologies if you are all still in your 20s and struggling with these childcare dilemmas. I am just curious.

For example, how many times did you go abroad or change your car?

What car? I can’t even afford driving lessons.

Last holiday was a weekend in Scotland in 2018.

NippySweetie16 · 23/09/2022 18:29

Dotjones · Yesterday 14:30

Everything a child does, even when they reach adulthood, is ultimately the responsibility of their parents and grandparents. Therefore it's right that grandparents should be expected to provide free childcare for their grandchildren; if they didn't want to do this, they shouldn't have had children of their own in the first place, that way the grandchildren could never have existed.

So the flipside of this nonsense is that parents have a right to demand that their children produce grandchildren? Really?

As a relatively recent Gran I am delighted to help, look after DGD one day a week and random other times when asked. But there is no demand from me or from the other side. This is about love and support.

Blueink · 23/09/2022 18:33

Totally agree with you. If DGP are able to support occasionally, great, but very unreasonable to expect them to make up the day to day childcare. That’s up to the parents and they shouldn’t be guilt tripping the DGP into it.

wasmarriedtoacockwomble · 23/09/2022 18:37

Are you serious? My parents / grandparents all worked from the age of 14 / 15 and beyond retirement age. They have given everything and more for this country. They’ve paid their taxes, their NI and many still contribute beyond retirement age. If they offer childcare then, great! But if they don’t want to do it, or not commit to a regular schedule then that is absolutely their right. They’ve worked for the majority of their lives. Are they not allowed to enjoy retirement after working for 50+ years or should we all work until we drop?

Faciadipasta · 23/09/2022 18:40

Of course they shouldn't be expected to do day to day childcare but sorry this is bollocks

"'They have given everything and more for this country. They’ve paid their taxes, their NI and many still contribute beyond retirement age."

People don't give everything for their country, unless you mean they've been volunteering without being paid (which I doubt you do)
You mean they worked in jobs for pay which got taxed. Like everyone else.

Liorae · 23/09/2022 18:46

wasmarriedtoacockwomble · 23/09/2022 18:37

Are you serious? My parents / grandparents all worked from the age of 14 / 15 and beyond retirement age. They have given everything and more for this country. They’ve paid their taxes, their NI and many still contribute beyond retirement age. If they offer childcare then, great! But if they don’t want to do it, or not commit to a regular schedule then that is absolutely their right. They’ve worked for the majority of their lives. Are they not allowed to enjoy retirement after working for 50+ years or should we all work until we drop?

But unpaid childcare isn't work. It's a PRIVILEGE don't you 🙄

User57327259 · 23/09/2022 18:53

@Reveriesreverie The tone of your post is exactly why I stopped looking after various DGC. There are no "please" "thank you" "I appreciate you looking after the child(ren) in your post and that is what is reality for a lot of grandparents in todays world. Sometimes the demand can get even worse to the point that it is actual abuse of various types.
If you want your child(ren) minded/babysat trying using manners and kindness more than demand and even better try to be caring toward the grandparents

EgonsShell · 23/09/2022 18:56

Bumpitybumper · 23/09/2022 08:57

Still a minority and the generation that experienced this will have also experienced decades of low unemployment too. Their position now will be a culmination of all the decades they have lived through, many being economically prosperous and more favourable to raising a family than current conditions.

Lower priced housing, free university education and more opportunities to get a reasonably paid job without a degree. Many many families were able to survive off one income or at least to have one parent working very PT, negating the need for childcare. There was more council housing available and lots of people in their 60s and 70s benefited from things like 'right to buy' that have left today's low earners in a more difficult situation.

The economy and society wasn't perfect then and undoubtedly there were people that didn't prosper but to pretend that it was equivalent to what families face now is frankly insulting.

Show quote history

Your ignorance is astounding, and your stats are incorrect too.

Mary54 · 23/09/2022 19:00

Several different issues here. I have just become a grandma. Moving house to be closer and be able to help when needed. But that’s because we want to, not because it’s expected of us. Had very little help from our parents as they were all willing to help for special occasions but not regularly. As they’d cared for their own children and their elderly parents, there was no expectation on our part. We felt they’d earned their retirement.
As to whether we had it easier, I really couldn’t say. I was a sahm because childcare would have cost my entire wage. The earlier posters who seem to assume this is a new phenomenon, are sadly mistaken. We lived on one wage but had lower expectations of what constituted a reasonable standard of living. Think no central heating in our first homes, no tumble dryer, disposable nappies etc. we also survived the 1992 financial crisis with mortgage rates rising to 15%

CousinKrispy · 23/09/2022 19:10

I hope DD will want to have children and I'll be physically fit enough to help look after them ☺️ I can't wait!

Dalaidramailama · 23/09/2022 19:13

I am 34. I had my kids when I was 21, 23 and 26. I rent a council property so I will be working until i am 68…. possibly longer. I certainly will not have the financial lifestyle that will afford me the pleasure of providing free childcare. I will be too busy working myself so best of luck to any future daughter in law of mine who expects this as they’ll be in for a rude awakening 😂👍.

Wouldloveanother · 23/09/2022 19:29

Dalaidramailama · 23/09/2022 19:13

I am 34. I had my kids when I was 21, 23 and 26. I rent a council property so I will be working until i am 68…. possibly longer. I certainly will not have the financial lifestyle that will afford me the pleasure of providing free childcare. I will be too busy working myself so best of luck to any future daughter in law of mine who expects this as they’ll be in for a rude awakening 😂👍.

You say it like it’s unfair but you’ve spent your life paying cheap rent so it isn’t really.

Maggie178 · 23/09/2022 19:37

My parents look after my children because they enjoy having them. When it got abit much for them I used a nursery some days. My in-laws babysit maybe once or twice a year when they ask to. Their choice and that's fine. They did have one child one day a week then decided to stop. What I find irritating is they then complain that the children are shy around them.