Entitled attitude: grandparents must provide childcare

[Hope54321]

I’m seeing a lot more of this attitude quite recently. Why do people have children if they can’t look after them or pay for their childcare? Why is it that grandparents are expected to do the childcare so the parents can work? I think it’s acceptable if the grandparents are offering to help out, but to feel like grandparents should be obliged to offer childcare is simply taking the biscuit.

There speaks someone who doesn't look after their own kids I think.

I've been a SAHM and it is a sheer labour of love. I don't think I'd do it for my grandkids.

5128gap isn't childless

For these purposes she is and so am I. Once they’ve grown up they’re no longer subsidised by the taxpayer. Adult children don’t count.

I see a lot people on mumsnet subscribe to the idea that grandparents are responsible for the world we are living in today. Surely that means that people today can also change the world to suit them

I suspect I may be slightly unusual, but my dd is nearly 10 and I have never used grandparents for childcare. All our childcare is budgeted and paid for out of our household income. When I was a child both my parents worked and both sets of grandparents literally lived on the other side of the world so my parents used paid childcare too (although DM was a teacher so fortunately didn't need childcare in school holidays) so it's just what I'm used to being normal behaviour.

I don't know if anyone has mentioned this but isn't caring for grandchildren thought to be the whole reason for the menopause?

Yes. But we don’t live in caves anymore.

What absolut rubbish !

For these purposes she is and so am I

What purposes? If you are discussing tax payer subsidies surely what you "took out" in the past is relevant.

Once they’ve grown up they’re no longer subsidised by the taxpayer.

Err, plenty of grown up dc are subsidised by the tax payer as they may be low earners, still in education/training or even have dc 😱😆

Eh? I went menopausal when my twins were 3 years old.

It takes a number of people, a whole community, to raise children. Our current state of affairs - where one person is expected to look after children alone instead of communally or is expected to pay a fraction of their pay to someone to do it is unusual and causes a lot of problems. It's not in any way acceptable to expect one or even two people to do it alone. It's also very entitled indeed to pay poorer people to act as childcare providers rather than everyone in a society share childcare responsibilities. And it's irresponsible to have children if you're not prepared to support them throughout their lives. I wouldn't want the sort of grandparents with the attitudes OP implies anywhere near my children, however, as my children are being brought up to believe in a cooperative and caring society where we all take responsibility and look after one another.

Err, plenty of grown up dc are subsidised by the tax payer as they may be low earners, still in education/training or even have dc

Err, they’re no longer their parents’ tax liability. That’s what being an adult means.

Agree with this. My mum and Dad help (one day a week and a handful of nights out over the years) and they are still working. Partners parents do nothing and retired earlier than them, but happily help his brother who lives miles away, but not us. My parents will be at the front of the queue when they all need us and my partner totally agrees with this. My kids have a much more closer relationship with my parents too because they make the effort to spend time with them.

i think it's fine to decline giving childcare, but you have to be realistic about both parents working and finding time on their few days off for GP's to see the grandkids. We run lots of errands/have kids parties/shopping at the weekend which we can't do while working. This is one of the reasons my mum sacrifices a day to see the kids as she know it would put pressure on us to find time to meet up on our days off. She knows it would be difficult to have as good a relationship with them otherwise.

It shouldn't be expected, but I don't think it's entitlement, it's desperation. Childcare is too expensive. Perhaps we should all be voting for a government that supports families rather than bickering with each other? Just a thought.....

My German friend pays 160 euros per month for childcare. She has lived here too with kids in childcare and can't believe how much we are expected to pay. It is one of the reasons they moved back.

There is a massive divide amongst my friends of those who have lots of grandparent help with childcare and those who don't.

The friends who have help have absolutely no understanding of what it is like to have no family support which I find difficult to stomach sometimes.

My children are adults and tax payers themselves. The childless ones are also now subsidising families.
If you're in a position where you take no subsidies, and self fund all your childrens needs, health, education, then you're not in a position where you need free childcare from grandparents.
Those that feel they should be receiving it are presumably the ones not in your fortunate position, so are already being subsidised, but are choosing to overlook that with their stereotypes about older people solely taking and not giving.

Err, they’re no longer their parents’ tax liability.

but we are talking about being subsidised by the tax payer...

If you're in a position where you take no subsidies, and self fund all your childrens needs, health, education, then you're not in a position where you need free childcare from grandparents.

Are you talking about me? Who said anything about need? My gps want to be involved & I want them involved, nothing to do with money.

Those that feel they should be receiving it are presumably the ones not in your fortunate position, so are already being subsidised, but are choosing to overlook that with their stereotypes about older people solely taking and not giving.

I can't speak for other posters & assume their motivations, but i'm sure plenty aren't only driven by financial motives.

Are you always this good at completely missing the point?

Are you?

Don't answer that, you're infamous 😆

I think it’s quite unhealthy to be pitting the generations against each other.

Different things are tough in different ways. In U.K., people are probably on the whole more fortunate than people in most parts of the world. And on the whole we are better off than people 100years ago. I do think it is gonna be hard for my kids (uni fees, house prices, paying for covid and energy crisis, climate crisis) and I hope to be able to help them as much as I can. Their grandparents do a lot of childcare, and I hope to help them as they get older.

Am I now? That’s nice, dear.

You can do better than that!

It started in the early 00's tax credits came in and suddenly there was a benefit to both parents working and childcare mostly paid for. For a while it was great then the cost of living rose, wages slowed and childcare costs /fees increased. A lot of parents can't afford to live on one wage, nor can they afford full time childcare so here we are.

But I genuinely find it bizarre, you are always all over MNs but seem to get into constant tit for tat posts as opposed to contributing anything of note. Isn't it boring?