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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never attempt another family trip, let alone a holiday

77 replies

ElfinsMum · 22/09/2022 07:43

Today is a public holiday here in Aus (a weird extra one on a Thursday for the queen).

I just attempted to take my 3 "D"C (11, 7, 2) to a local park. Nothing fancy, like 15 mins drive away. Interesting wildlife, nice nature playground. I packed water, biscuits, fruit. Choice of scooter and buggy for youngest. Thought I'd covered all the good mum bases.

Fuck me, it was MISERABLE. Each child took turns to whinge, claim illness, have a tantrum, be angry, get violent, cry on repeat. Oh and boss me around about how I was doing such a shit job and everyone was hating every minute of it ...soooooo much of that.

By the time we got home - after aborting the planned cafe at the end because things were getting really feral in the back seat and I couldn't face the humiliation - all of us were in tears.

This isn't how a short family trip to the park should be right? Are we somehow a fundamentally failed family? Why can't we enjoy a nice simple trip together??? And how the hell does anyone avoid turning into awful shouty mum under this kind of non stop torture?

Worst of all, we are booked to go to a family camping resort a VERY long drive away in a couple of weeks. How the fuck are we going to d this? The thought of it fills me with dread and it's meant to be a holiday.

OP posts:
YellowTreeHouse · 22/09/2022 07:44

So why have you raised children you don’t like?

They behave this way because you allow them to.

GrazingSheep · 22/09/2022 07:46

What do they normally behave like?

figmaofmyimagination · 22/09/2022 07:46

Ah OP. Don’t beat yourself up, we’ve all had those bad days out and that’s quite an age gap to cover.

My best tip for camping is to let them do their own thing as much as possible- the older two can be sent to get milk from the camp shop/ refill the water container/wash up etc and usually love the independence. And take ALL the good toys, treats and snacks. Fruit doesn’t cut it here 😁

You’re CLEARLY not a bad Mum. You just had a bad day. Chin up.

wordleaddict · 22/09/2022 07:47

Children can ruin the best laid plans. I remember the whingy years. Takes a while to stop. Just have to try and let it wash over you and not rise to the bait.

MsTSwift · 22/09/2022 07:47

We were quite firm from the start neither of us can bear to be around whiny Verruca salt kids.

Libelula21 · 22/09/2022 07:49

No answers just sympathy.
Maybe just one of those days…
but motherhood is ruddy hard.
Perhaps try to spend more time with them to get a better connection?

BecauseICan22 · 22/09/2022 07:49

YellowTreeHouse · 22/09/2022 07:44

So why have you raised children you don’t like?

They behave this way because you allow them to.

Hope your mini robots are thriving in your perfect supermum made bubble.

Idiot.

Strugglingtodomybest · 22/09/2022 07:49

I feel your pain. It's gets better though. I found the preteen years a lot harder than the teens (so far!).

Kenwouldmixitup · 22/09/2022 07:50

@YellowTreeHouse ah. Such a simple life. 😏

Libelula21 · 22/09/2022 07:50

This is good advice.

flowertoday · 22/09/2022 07:50

@YellowTreeHouse , how kind and supportive of you to post this morning.

I think all parents and kids have bad days. My feeling is that anyone who says otherwise has some kind of amnesia or denial going on.
Your children are a range of ages and I wonder if it wad just hard on this occasion . Don't give up, there will be better days. Also you have done a good job as everyone got home safe and sound , and you cut short the trip when it wasn't working out. Sometimes a day in the house chilling is the best thing.
Sending a hug to you as someone who has been there.

Lollypop701 · 22/09/2022 07:51

@YellowTreeHouse no need and not helpful.

it’s one day when you have a bad day, unfortunately life is not Disney! I don’t know a parent that hasn’t had this. We go camping and it’s likely there will be another! It family life. Kids can be bloody hard work!

take some games camping.. uno is good, plan some activities and ignore the bad and praise the good. And do not forget the wine!

HowVeryBizarre · 22/09/2022 07:53

Well first of all I agree with you about the weird public holiday, I was pissed off that the Chinese restaurant we had already booked for lunch shoved a 10% public holiday surcharge on top but at least my “kids” are adults so there was wine!

Are family trips always the same for you or was it just one of those days when everyone was a bit off? If it’s the norm tbh I think I would give camping a miss, what you describe does not make for a fun holiday. If it was a one off I would sit down with the two older kids and have a chat about what everyone expects from the holiday so you can get some kind of agreement about expected behaviour. Divide and conquer can often help on holidays so if you have a partner maybe try not to do everything together but in different groupings. It can be hard to balance the needs of an 11 and 2yo (I had big gaps between my kids so am familiar with this). Good luck.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 22/09/2022 07:59

I love posts like this it takes away my rosy hued nostalgia and reminds me of reality. And I have observed over the years that some perfect children are right little shits but their parents can't see it.

BecauseICan22 · 22/09/2022 08:00

ElfinsMum · 22/09/2022 07:43

Today is a public holiday here in Aus (a weird extra one on a Thursday for the queen).

I just attempted to take my 3 "D"C (11, 7, 2) to a local park. Nothing fancy, like 15 mins drive away. Interesting wildlife, nice nature playground. I packed water, biscuits, fruit. Choice of scooter and buggy for youngest. Thought I'd covered all the good mum bases.

Fuck me, it was MISERABLE. Each child took turns to whinge, claim illness, have a tantrum, be angry, get violent, cry on repeat. Oh and boss me around about how I was doing such a shit job and everyone was hating every minute of it ...soooooo much of that.

By the time we got home - after aborting the planned cafe at the end because things were getting really feral in the back seat and I couldn't face the humiliation - all of us were in tears.

This isn't how a short family trip to the park should be right? Are we somehow a fundamentally failed family? Why can't we enjoy a nice simple trip together??? And how the hell does anyone avoid turning into awful shouty mum under this kind of non stop torture?

Worst of all, we are booked to go to a family camping resort a VERY long drive away in a couple of weeks. How the fuck are we going to d this? The thought of it fills me with dread and it's meant to be a holiday.

You really are being so very hard on yourself. 3 young children isn't easy work and sometimes you will have days like these.

I've found that when such meltdowns, reactions and behaviours take place, for ME not to react to them diffuses them much faster. It's incredibly hard but with practice it gets easier and the child(ren) realise I'm not giving them my attention and they reluctantly improve their behaviour.

There are so many things that can factor how many of us feel, so many variables that sometimes all the prep and management simply doesn't work.

You all made it out in one piece and then back again. That's a win.

Tomorrow is another day.

YellowTreeHouse · 22/09/2022 08:00

BecauseICan22 · 22/09/2022 07:49

Hope your mini robots are thriving in your perfect supermum made bubble.

Idiot.

Show quote history

They are thriving, thank you 😊

They’re not mini robots and I’m not a perfect supermum either.

They’re well behaved from lots of continual hard work.

idontthinksodou · 22/09/2022 08:00

@YellowTreeHouse I doubt you have perfectly behaved children since it's unlikely you've taught them to keep quiet if they don't have anything nice to say

Don't worry OP, just one of those days, you're not a bad parent!!

Umbellifer · 22/09/2022 08:03

Poor you that sounds horrid and well done for packing up early, we’ve all had days like that . When my SDDs were the ages of your oldest two, we divided holidays into days, so everyone (inc adults) had a day that was theirs to choose what we did/ate (within reason) and on someone else’s day they just had to go with it, with NO whining or behaviour. With the days in a careful order so that the most likely to kick off was later in the week so she had to behave or risk her day, it worked well most of the time. Could you try that? And when it’s just a day, maybe one chooses the activity and the other chooses food, or morning and afternoon split? But def they need talking to first, and maybe a V quiet couple of days at home, about speaking to you like that, that’s totally unacceptable and they are old enough to know that in no uncertain terms. Hopefully easier days ahead xx

WimpoleHat · 22/09/2022 08:04

MsTSwift · 22/09/2022 07:47

We were quite firm from the start neither of us can bear to be around whiny Verruca salt kids.

This did make me laugh! But it’s a good way of putting it. I constantly see parents pleading and appeasing and negotiating with kids in situations where I’d just have hissed “Stop it. Or we go home.”

There was a mother (in full on “Parenting” mode) on the tube the other day, with the whiniest three year old ever. And she say there, at high volume, cajoling him for half an hour. “Oh, you’re sad? It’s okay to be sad. Tell Mummy what’s making you sad.” And the whining went on and on and on. And by God, did that woman have an irritating voice. I decided to have a go at this approach myself when I got home and my kids were horrified! They said they genuinely preferred my usual, no patience “Stop whining - there are other people on this train and nobody wants to listen to it” approach…..🤣

I don’t know how you approach these situations, OP - and the one you describe sounds hard - but is there scope for reducing your tolerance noticeably? For example, you say “That trip to the park was awful. If you want to go camping, we do not have a repeat of that and if you do that while we are there, then we come home”. It’s harder with a 2 yr old, I grant you, but if the older ones behave better then it sets a better example (and then you have the carrot of “you can come too when you can behave as well as your siblings”, which always worked with my younger one!).

Don’t be too hard on yourself, though - that’s a challenging age range for anyone!

MsTSwift · 22/09/2022 08:05

I don’t know though various friends were quite weak with their kids and they were like this at those ages. Makes for a miserable time - they all turned out to be quite nice in the end but the whiny shrieking disobedience phase was not nice to be around.

anotherdayanotherpathlesstravelled · 22/09/2022 08:06

I don't know any families where there is an 11 year old and 2 year old that enjoy trips out - the age gap is just too big to enjoy the same things

A580Hojas · 22/09/2022 08:06

Oh dear! It's probably a bit tricky for you because of the age gaps between your children. It wasn't a great day and I'm sorry it ended in tears Flowers.

I think camping will be different though. The older two might be able to be a little more independent.

It's very hard just managing one 2 year old, let alone another two older children! Respect to you OP - and enjoy your holiday.

birdling · 22/09/2022 08:09

Bless you op. We've all had days like this (well, obviously not some posters) so chin up. Tomorrow is another day.
I have a similar range of ages and sometimes it's impossible to please everyone (or on the worst days, anyone).
The camping trip may well be fine. Are you taking them alone? If not, divide and conquer!

dottiedodah · 22/09/2022 08:24

An 11 year old often wants to be with their friends. Going to the park with a 7 and 2 year old can be boring for them.its probably just one of those days tbh. On holiday you could consider spending a bit of time with each of them or dh the older one you the youngest. Then swap over.dont stress over it .we have all had those bad days!

Luredbyapomegranate · 22/09/2022 08:26

It was just a shit day, don’t take it to heart.

You have big gaps between your kids’ ages which might mean days out need more planning.

Take a step back and think about what you can do to make camping work for them individually, and have a chat with the older two before about ground rules.

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