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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that maybe MIL would let me know about plans she is making regarding her son?

65 replies

onlyjoking9329 · 24/01/2008 14:18

she has been over today to sit with steve whilst i went out,i had to meet someone at 10.15 so she was going to be here at 10 she wasn't here when i had to leave at 10.30 she was supposed to stay with him until i got back but she didn't.
it is steves birthday tomorrow, steve thinks she was on about having a takeaway here but he doesn't know when, now she knows he has very bad memory loss and confusion and therefore not likely to remember what she has said.
i would like to make plans for steves birthday but as i don't know what she is planning how am i supposed to do so.
i could ring her up but i am annoyed with her right now so i think i had best not ring her.
will go and calm down and eat chocolates.

OP posts:

dosydot · 24/01/2008 14:28

OJ have followed your posts but not posted before.
YANBU - She must know by now that team play is essential, letting you down by not helping out as discussed and then making plans with Steve and not letting you know, or even discusssing it first in case you already had plans.
If i were you my blood would boil, I hope you eat the whole box of Chocs - I would

Original poster

onlyjoking9329 · 24/01/2008 14:54

chocolates eaten, am just fed up just had washer repair man out cos washer flooding and there is a big hole in the drum, so need a new washer now, off to eat more chocolate.

OP posts:

PillockOfTheCommunity · 24/01/2008 14:56

if she hasn't had the common courtesy to inform you of her plans, pretend Steve said nothing and make your own. If she does decided to tell you it will be too late, you'll already have your own.

fortyplus · 24/01/2008 15:05

I suppose in her defence it must be a terrible time for her and she must be screaming inside. But if I was in your shoes I'd be screaming at her!

No - you've done the sensible thing and taken a step back before phoning...

...practise deep breathing and challenge yourself to pick up the phone and remain calm throughout - then you know you've won even if she hasn't a clue it was a fight.

Original poster

onlyjoking9329 · 24/01/2008 15:05

well our plan was a birthday tea with the kids, steve not well enough to go out, if we do a birthday tea then a takeaway would be no good, steve thinks she said a takeaway at night but he doesn't know what night.

OP posts:

fryalot · 24/01/2008 15:06

I would go ahead and make your plans.

She can fit in with you and if it doesn't suit her then she can bugger off and do her own thing.

grr on your behalf.

Eat more chocolate anyway.

hugs
xx

fortyplus · 24/01/2008 15:06

Can you invite her round for tea? That way if she's planning something different she's bound to say so.

Original poster

onlyjoking9329 · 24/01/2008 15:08

good plan fourty plus, i could text her and say we are having a birthday tea if she wants to join us

OP posts:

fortyplus · 24/01/2008 15:09

Ask her to make the cake

Original poster

onlyjoking9329 · 24/01/2008 15:11

no DDs want to choose the cake.
i want her to have a good birthday with steve as i know this will be his last, thou i don't think she realizes that.

OP posts:

fortyplus · 24/01/2008 15:15

I think I told you my mum was like that when my dad was dying - head firmly in sand not believing it was true.

Original poster

onlyjoking9329 · 24/01/2008 15:43

have just phoned her to invite her over for birthday tea told her that steve is usually to tired to do anything in the evenings, i said i will ring her in th morning to let her know how steve is, she says she may come over for luch instead as she doesnt want to get stuck in the traffic.

OP posts:

triplets · 24/01/2008 16:19

Oj, I can understand she must be ascrewed up about Steve.............but at this time its your decision, as you said you know it will be your last birthday together, do what is right for you, Steve and the children, she will just have to go along with it. Is Steves brother coming?

fortyplus · 24/01/2008 16:53

Lunch with his mum then birthday tea with you and the children - that sounds like a lovely way for him to spend the day.

Well done for sorting it out in a civilised way!

39andcounting · 24/01/2008 16:55

39 stumbles onto thread........

Speaks her mind

Bugger the traffic !!!!

fortyplus · 24/01/2008 17:13

Won't it be ok to do the lunch then tea thing? Nicer for you if it's just you guys for tea?

Original poster

onlyjoking9329 · 24/01/2008 17:58

steve is only awake for a few hours per day so not sure he is able to do both really.

OP posts:

fortyplus · 24/01/2008 20:46

That's no good then, is it? Is she just being manipulative by picking the earlier time?

ladymariner · 24/01/2008 20:53

You guys obviously all know each other and I feel like I've come across a very personal thread so I'm going but I just want to say I hope you all have a very happy day, you sound amazing OJ, I wish you all the very best. (hugs)
xxx

Original poster

onlyjoking9329 · 24/01/2008 21:10

i think she is picking the earlier time as the kids will be at school
Ladym, all are welcome on my thread so don't feel you are not welcome here thanks for the good wishes.

OP posts:

ladymariner · 24/01/2008 21:12

Original poster

onlyjoking9329 · 24/01/2008 21:14

are you a name changer lady M or are you new?

OP posts:

TotalChaos · 24/01/2008 21:16

YANBU. Is she always such a pain to make arrangements with?

quint · 24/01/2008 21:19

OJ - I've not been on here for a long time so I don't know the full story, so apologies if I've got it all wrong and she has always been the MIL from hell!

It sounds as though you are having a terrible time at the moment and whilst I agree that she's wrong for not consulting with you, remember this is her son, still her baby boy as your children will always be to you, so don't push her out, imagine how you would feel if you were her and your DH was your son.

As I say I may have it all wrong and she may be a real cow - in which case sorry.

Whatever happens, I hope you all have a lovely day tomorrow

ladymariner · 24/01/2008 21:20

I've been lurking round a while but only recently found the confidence to get involved with the posts. I've dropped the odd comment in before but just lately I've become more vocal, as it were, although I'm still not very good at it
This is the name I always use, not sure how to change it even if I wanted to

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