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AIBU?

To hate voicenotes?

70 replies

Bluemiddy · 21/09/2022 19:52

Just that really.
I have this one friend that only communicates in voicenotes. Which is fine.
However, she only talks about herself. If I reply with anything that's happened to me or remotely relevant to me or my life she ignores it completely.
She also talks to her kids whilst on voicenotes so half of the recording is her saying "what's that darling" "yes you can have a biscuit" etc etc.
I've started just keeping the voicenotes short and sweet and not mentioning me anymore to see if she gets the hint but she doesn't.
Her voicenotes can be up to 20 mins long.
I don't know how to approach it without upsetting her. We've been mates for 15 plus years but it's starting to make me dislike her as a person.
It's starting to get to the place where I dread it when I see her name pop up

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

153 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
4%
You are NOT being unreasonable
96%
XenoBitch · 21/09/2022 19:55

YANBU
I do not understand voice notes at all. If you want a vocal conversation with someone, then call them and interact like you would on a phone call.
If a message is written, I can at least scroll back and see what they said. So much harder with a voice note.

LaMariposa · 21/09/2022 19:58

Yeah, I just don’t ever listen to them. If it’s important they’ll tell me next time they see them/message/call.
I think voicenotes are a bit narcissistic, they demand your time to listen to them and you cannot respond in any way. I can imagine in some situations (military people out of contact) the receiver might love them, but they are not for me.

bellac11 · 21/09/2022 19:59

I dont listen to them

I dont even like voicemails.

Email me, message me or speak to me

ThorsBedazzler · 21/09/2022 20:01

I messaged one of DS friend's mum's about a playmate. She responded only in voice note. I had never had one before. I didn't actually know how to do one in response so, like the decrepit dinosaur that I am, I sent her a WhatsApp message with the odd emoji. And then died slightly inside at how out of touch I had become with modern life.

I don't really like them. You're assuming the recipient wants to hear you wittering on. Either send me a message or phone me.

tickticksnooze · 21/09/2022 20:07

There's no way in hell I'd be listening to 20 minute voicenotes. I think 20 seconds is plenty long enough. I hate the things.

I have no idea how you raise it with her but I'm not sure I'd be attempting to listen to them anymore. She sounds like she's using them as a personal diary instead of a form of communication!

bellac11 · 21/09/2022 20:08

Surely just message her and say I dont listen to voicenotes, let me know when you're free to talk without the kids around

junebirthdaygirl · 21/09/2022 20:09

I am happy to get them ..not for 20 mins!!. But l reply in the normal way. My dd sends them to me as she says after being on computer all day in work she finds it easier to just chat.
Think your problem is more you friend nattering on than actual voice notes. I would type back something very short.

tickticksnooze · 21/09/2022 20:10

How long has she been doing this? You say you've been friends for 15 years so this must be relatively new?

toddlingtortoise · 21/09/2022 20:10

I just don’t even listen to them

tickticksnooze · 21/09/2022 20:10

bellac11 · 21/09/2022 20:08

Surely just message her and say I dont listen to voicenotes, let me know when you're free to talk without the kids around

Yes, be direct. Hinting at things rarely works.

MbatataOwl · 21/09/2022 20:12

I'd just pretend you can't hear the notes as the voice note function isn't working for some unspecified reason.

livingunderacloud · 21/09/2022 20:12

I don't think you have a voice note problem I think you have a friend problem!

I also used to hate them completely but have over time come to see occasional benefits of them - eg if something is complicated or time consuming to explain in text it can be quicker or I've known people do it to groups when it's something they obviously don't want screenshotted. Or if someone is walking or something else and can't look to type but needs to send a quick message. I also do like listening to friends I don't see so often's voices from time to time as it's hard to coordinate phonecalls, but am grateful 95% of our chat is still text based as I too am old fashioned and prefer it!

LoobyDop · 21/09/2022 20:12

I find them really irritating, there’s no way I’d sit through one that rambled on for 20 minutes.

Everydaywheniwakeup · 21/09/2022 20:13

I have no idea what they are, but I barely check my texts, so they sound very irritating. Is it just like a really long voice mail?

MikeWozniaksMoustache · 21/09/2022 20:16

I have one friend who likes voicenotes. But she’s got her hands full with life in general, as well as struggling with dyslexia so she will just send a VN. They’re usually only 20/30 seconds long, and she knows I absolutely hate them so she never expects me to respond with one, I just don’t mind her sending them as I know it makes life easier for her to communicate like that. If she started sending me 20 minute ones I’d be telling her to get fucked though. Surely you can’t remember what she’s even said at the start by the time she’s waffled on for all that time.

Maybe try the really immature “TLDL” (too long didn’t listen) 🙈

MangosteenSoda · 21/09/2022 20:21

A 20 min voicemail👿

They are for people who care about their own (disjointed thoughts) and time, but give no shits for your time.

I happily receive, and occasionally send, voicemails to friends when it suits the moment.

It’s horrible when you receive a long, rambling mail that just wastes your time. Even worse when it’s a bit work related, or when you may need to easily refer back to something for detailed info. Who the fuck thinks it’s ok to make people listen back to,sometimes numerous, voicemails to access necessary info when a quick text scroll would do?

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/09/2022 20:25

They are for people who care about their own (disjointed thoughts) and time, but give no shits for your time.

We have a winner!

MrsAppleHead · 21/09/2022 20:28

Can't bear them. My sister and her friends voice note each other constantly and she does it to me.
If I'm at work or with people I can't just listen to her rants like I could respond to a sly text. They are ridiculous.

anotheropinion · 21/09/2022 20:29

A voicenote is just a way of saying "My time is important, your time is worthless.". Just plain rude.

Bluemiddy · 21/09/2022 20:32

Yes it's a new thing- within the last 6 months. Her dd started nursery and she started doing it then, presumably because the other parents do as she occasionally mentions "so and so said in their voicenote"

I think you are right - if the voice note was 3 mins and actually asked how I was I wouldn't mind as much. It'd just really fucking irritating to hear her blabbering on about herself and them if I try and mention anything about me she turns it around to be about her.

For example I could say "dd has chicken pox" and she wouldn't say how is she or remotely acknowledge what I've said but say "I remember when dd had chicken pox" queue 10 min blabbering about how awful it was etc. I just find it incredibly rude

OP posts:
toogoodforthisworld · 21/09/2022 20:51

Respond
Sorry - can't listen to them now. Let me know in a text if urgent.

Then just don't listen.
Do that every time.

fdkc · 21/09/2022 21:26

I would never send them in my personal life to friends or family members but in my professional life they are a godsend. I often need to tell my colleagues something while I am super busy and they are so quick. I also spend alot of time in my car during work hours so they are safe to send instead of typing a text which you can't do while driving.

Darbs76 · 21/09/2022 21:29

20 mins long? Jeez. I have one friend who does them now and then. And I do enjoy hearing her lovely Irish accent. But she keeps them short and sweet. I’d no way want to listen to 20mins, why doesn’t she phone you?

purpliee · 21/09/2022 21:36

20 minutes?! 😮 That's not a voice note, that's a podcast! 😄

BrightYellowDaffodil · 21/09/2022 21:51

YANBU, voice notes are incredibly irritating. JUST SEND ME A FUCKING TEXT.

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