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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate voicenotes?

70 replies

Bluemiddy · 21/09/2022 19:52

Just that really.
I have this one friend that only communicates in voicenotes. Which is fine.
However, she only talks about herself. If I reply with anything that's happened to me or remotely relevant to me or my life she ignores it completely.
She also talks to her kids whilst on voicenotes so half of the recording is her saying "what's that darling" "yes you can have a biscuit" etc etc.
I've started just keeping the voicenotes short and sweet and not mentioning me anymore to see if she gets the hint but she doesn't.
Her voicenotes can be up to 20 mins long.
I don't know how to approach it without upsetting her. We've been mates for 15 plus years but it's starting to make me dislike her as a person.
It's starting to get to the place where I dread it when I see her name pop up

OP posts:
NoPrivateSpy · 21/09/2022 21:56

Oh my god, I could have written this. I have one friend who insists on sending them and they are normally a few minutes long. I just don't listen to them now and she still hasn't got the message because apparently they are soooo convenient for her.

I have an almost unhinged hatred of them. I might be organising a get together and I just want her to RSVP and she'll send me a fucking voice note. Invariably I'm in the train or walking down the street at the time so then I have to remember to listen to it when it's quiet or I have a free few mins just to learn whether she can make it. Just text me you selfish mare.

It makes me so angry. Can you tell?!

iratepirate · 21/09/2022 22:01

I hate them. Thankfully I don’t know many people who engage in them.
A married(?) ex fling used to exclusively send voicenotes. I assumed it was to do with not being so easy for someone else to look back through their phone as a string of messages would have been.
I never listened to them then, and still don’t now.

PensionPuzzle · 21/09/2022 22:03

We have a family member who occasionally sends them on our group chat. I refuse to listen to them on principle (it's not my relative so I feel less bad about this). I've no idea why they wind me up so,

MakkaPakkas · 21/09/2022 22:04

Awful.
A 20 minute voice note is completely obnoxious. Especially when it involves whittering on to your kids as well. I'd just tell her you don't have time to listen to them anymore. Or just stop listening and don't tell her. Twenty fucking minutes! She's not NPR!

OutDamnedSpot · 21/09/2022 22:08

Oh god. I’ve found my people!
I hate them. I think they’re selfish: easier for the person sending them, but harder for the person receiving them.
I had to tell DP to stop sending me them.

galacticpixels · 21/09/2022 22:09

They feel like a chore. I have (had?) a friend who has pretty much phased me out because I stopped listening to/responding to her 15-20 minute long voice notes. I used to have to keep my notes app open to write down the points I needed to respond to. 😂

I just don't have time! I can't listen to them at work, and I'm not about to go fetch my earphones at home so that I can listen to them without interrupting DP watching tv etc. They really feel like homework and I couldn't keep up.

Unfortunately my friend seemed to take it as a personal insult that I didn't have the time.

shivawn · 21/09/2022 22:12

Only acceptable if under 20 seconds long and to the point, no small talk. For example, if someone is rushing to meet you and leaves a voice note saying they're running late but will be there in 5.

B00mShakeShakeShakeTheR00m · 21/09/2022 22:14

20 minutes is arrogant. I wouldn't listen. I skim texts. I play VMs on double speed. It helps.

FlyingPandas · 21/09/2022 22:17

Oh God, YANBU at all. I hate any kind of recorded voice message. In fact I have a major sensory issue with audio recordings of any kind - can't listen to a radio program that is predominantly spoken word, can't cope with any kind of podcast, cannot imagine why anyone in their right mind might enjoy listening to a recorded audiobook. Recorded words make me feel really antsy and stressed!

Voicenotes, just no. WTF is wrong with a nice text or WhatsApp message?

sillysausage2001 · 21/09/2022 22:17

Me and a friend message on twitter and she often sends me video messages which are 1 minute in length. She sends 50 mins worth of video messages. 1. how does she have the time? 2. how does she think that I have the time to watch them?! I don't watch them and just say I'm busy!

NeedAHoliday2021 · 21/09/2022 22:17

My friend sends them but she’s dyslexic. I work in an open plan office so can’t quickly check a message (completely allowed in my work place). Instead I have to dig out my headphones to check it’s nothing urgent. I hate them but reply in text (probably not ideal for her being dyslexic but I’d have to find a private room to reply). I also hate listening to them in front of dc as I’ve no idea what the voice note might say.

Blueemeraldagain · 21/09/2022 22:17

I have a very dyslexic, non native English speaking (his speaking is much more advanced than his writing) friend from whom I accept voice notes as he really struggles to get things across writing in English. Otherwise it’s a no unless there are extenuating circumstances (5 second message while driving etc).

Octomore · 21/09/2022 22:21

Voice notes are utterly pointless and I hate them with a passion

If you want a chat, then do a phone call.
If you don't want to call, then text (a written message has the advantage of being readable in a public space without having to get ear buds out etc.)

A recorded monologue just says "I'm an egotistical twat who loves the sound of my own voice and doesn't value the recipient's time and energy__."

Octomore · 21/09/2022 22:21

Blueemeraldagain · 21/09/2022 22:17

I have a very dyslexic, non native English speaking (his speaking is much more advanced than his writing) friend from whom I accept voice notes as he really struggles to get things across writing in English. Otherwise it’s a no unless there are extenuating circumstances (5 second message while driving etc).

I'd make an exception for this sort of situation. This sounds reasonable.

AreYouAFeminist · 21/09/2022 22:22

It's so nice to see others dislike them so much. There are only three people I regularly message who use them:

  1. she's dyslexic so it's easier for her - absolutely fine
  2. the second is always driving and it's easier to voice message - also fine but sometimes a little annoying
  3. the third is a raging narcissist and this is just another manifestation of it. Not fine and makes me so Angry
minticecreamisjustok · 21/09/2022 22:26

YABU everything over a minute is tedious to listen to. I never do them at all, just don't like that style of communication.

minticecreamisjustok · 21/09/2022 22:27

*YANBU 😅

PettsWoodParadise · 21/09/2022 22:31

I have two people I accept them from, a friend who has mobility issues in her hands. And someone who I volunteer with and they update on any urgent pastoral issues that might be sensitive or awkward to put down in writing. They have their time and place but not my favourite method of communicating.

I have come to the conclusion I am the one who seems to adapt and everyone else will be more particular. I get emails, messenger, texts, WhatApp. It is the variety and volume that drives me bonkers sometimes.

LimeTwists · 21/09/2022 22:36

Good god, I couldn’t put up with that! His self absorbed of her. I’d say ‘would you mind not sending me such long voice notes? I’d rather have a two way conversation in person or a text. If it’s really urgent, ring me.’ Then don’t play any others. Repeat ‘sorry I was too busy to listen to it all’ until she stops.

LimeTwists · 21/09/2022 22:36

*how, not his

Octomore · 21/09/2022 22:38

I'd just tell her straight that you are not going to take 20 minutes out of your day to listen to her monologuing at you.

You wouldn't accept someone ringing you up and chuntering away for 20 minutes without letting you respond, so make it clear that you don't accept this.

BlindGirlMcSqueaky · 21/09/2022 22:40

I don't mind using them to communicate (I have arthritis in my hands) but no way would I listen to 20 minutes of one. A minute is too long....

Sh05 · 21/09/2022 22:46

I just text back saying I can't listen to it now, what's up?
I hate voice notes, I'm out shopping, ask a relative if they need anything from X place I'm at and she sends a long voicenote!
Just text me your list, I'm not going to open up a voice not in the middle of Asda!

Ein · 21/09/2022 22:48

Only idiots use them, has been my experience.

They are very annoying and make it impossible to check the message content discreetly and quickly while multitasking.

HoppingTiger · 21/09/2022 22:49

Voice notes were made for people who like to talk about themselves and tell long 'hilarious' anecdotes about their day or outline all the details of their life dilemmas.

Different with close family.

The only thing I like about them is the 1.5x speed feature to listen to them.

I always just reply with a written message. I refuse to join in.