To be concerned about my child being forced to sit next to child who harms him just because he’s a good kid

[Mollyshoe]

Last year my son sat next to a very disruptive boy who would thump him all day long, thump him to demand to see answers, just generally distract him by tapping hîm and kicking his chair and also coughing and blowing in his face and pulling his hair.

I asked to have my son moved after he started to hate school because of it. This was only after nothing else worked. The school said no. Eventually they moved my son and his mood improved.

this year, year six, my son was happy to be sitting with his friend. But after a week, the disruptive boy was moved next to my son because he was misbehaving and they think my shy, well behaved son is a good influence. Maybe he is but my son is now getting thumped, harassed, tapped, kicked and blown at again.

The teachers say they don’t see it happening - because the boy does it when he can get away with it as soon as the teacher is marking, covered by ta, talking to another child!

Am I being unreasonable to ask for my son to move? I know they need resilience but not against this it’s unfair he had to sit next to disruptive kids who cause him harm and anxiety instead of his friend because he’s a good child.

he said he feels like he’s being punished and struggled to sleep tonight .

To be clear this is about this one child harming mine not a hate war against all kids who are “disruptive”to varying and uncontrollable degrees and who I understand may face understandable challenges that I sympathise with.

He tries to tell them but I don’t think they’re getting exactly what’s happening. They think the child is just being « naughty » and say oh I hope he isn’t and love on they don’t wait to listen to the details

Thank you. I’ll encourage him to speak up every time and clearly about exactly what’s happened. So the teacher knows and hopefully acts.

Yes, my son is mid twenties too and it happened to him when he was at Junior School.
I have to admit I got cross with the school , in the end.
They tried to paint it that, as my son was studious, amiable and kind hearted , the boy had a "wonderful role model!"

The fact that my son started to hate going to school, was scared of the boy and became quite anxious was "surprise " to the teacher .

The boy , sadly, had to sit on his own at the front. I found out that other parents had complained before me.

You really need to speak up for your child.

thank you. I don’t mind if he sits with his friend or not I just don’t want him suffering. I just mentioned the friend to show how gutted he was to go from so high to so low

Thank you. Sorry to hear your son went through this. I’m now wondering if this boy was moved because others complained before me.

I will insist to school tomorrow that he’s moved. Thank you

This is really good advice thank you.

I will put my request in writing so it’s logged - good idea. And advise my son to react loudly and firmly!

100% Agree with this !
Stand up for your son

Bruise??? WTF I wouldn’t hang about. I’d demand a meeting with the headteacher first thing tomorrow and request that they are separated immediately and that your son is seated beside a well behaved classmate who will not bully them. When my daughter was 7 she was seated beside the school pet as he sucked up to teachers, he actually was a sneaky wee bully. He tortured my daughter breaking her rulers, stealing her pencils, sharpeners etc and being a nasty little creep. I’d heard her say she didn’t like him but one evening my daughter cried as she confessed to me that the boy liked to whisper to her things like “you’re a cunt” “you’re an ugly bitch”.Because of COVID I wasn’t allowed into school so the next morning I rang and asked for the headmaster. I told him exactly what was going on and being said. I told him my daughter was not to sit beside the boy for another minute. The headmaster was horrified and said it couldn’t possibly be right as he was such a nice boy who gave no trouble. The head pulled my daughter out of class and after asking her a few questions and finding broken rulers etc under the boys desk it was obvious she was telling the truth. She was moved straight away . Unfortunately I don’t know if the boy was ever punished or his parents informed.

Don’t be nice about it - make a fuss

I wouldn't let it go on another day.

I'd take it as high and as far as I could, as quickly as I could.

Don't stand for it.

I would insist he was moved! If they refused, I would rather withdraw than have him treated that way.

I was used as a “pillow child” by my teachers at primary and it was miserable. I ended up not wanting to go to school. Please, make a fuss, your DS is relying on you to protect him here.

Same thing happened to DD when she was in primary school, she has SEN & so did the boy she was sat with, presumably so it was easier for TA's to assist them both when needed which makes sense.
However she was returning home with small bruises & scratches on a weekly basis, I'd go in each time and they'd promise to monitor it etc, the last straw came after about a month when DH picked her up, she came out of school crying because he'd spat in her face and called her an absolutely disgusting name. DH saw red (which isn't like him) he went straight into the classroom and said his piece, DD was moved the next day.

It's not your sons job to be a good influence on this boy, he shouldn't have to put up with bullying because it makes the teachers job easier.

Your child is being bullied and attacked in class and it’s affecting his mental health and he can’t sleep. This has been happening for a whole year!! I would be wanting a face to face meeting with the head teacher ASAP insisting on immediate action. This isn’t just a “disruptive child”, this is a situation that may have a lasting impact on your child. He will be moving to secondary school, don’t let his self esteem be rock bottom when he arrives. He needs you to fight his corner, it’s not fair expecting him to have to shout for himself in a setting where he’s been consistently belittled and ignored.

Bruises? Document everything take pictures and put it all in writing with pictures

Happened to ds in year 7/8 he is year 9 im hoping I don't have to take pictures of his shins again she was actually approaching him and kicking him though because "he stares" he has innatentive adhd and dreams the day away she walks past where his eyes are and flips apparently he is supposed to avert his eyes honestly she hasn't even registered in his brain until she kicks him!

I'm not one to cry "bullying" but isn't that exactly what's happening?! I wouldn't focus on the fact he's being asked to sit with a disruptive child. I would ask what they propose to do about the fact your child is being bullied and how they are going to safeguard your son.

I'm a teacher and this is not acceptable.

I was a teacher. This is unacceptable. I would go into school tomorrow, to reception, and say you will not bring him into class until the seating plan is changed. Take a photo of any bruises and say you will report to Ofsted if the seating plan isn't changed. The school is complicit in the physical bullying of your child. Do not doubt yourself, this is completely out of order.

Ring your local police station
And ask to speak to the schools community copper . All schools have one . He or she will sort this for you . I did it my my son was being bullied. It did the trick as it got round like wildfire .

In all honesty, I think the teacher found it easier to sit the boy away from my DD than deal with my DD's responses to the behaviours directed at her and also mine. I know that probably passed the problem on to others in the class, but I only have my DD in there as my priority and she had taken her turn.

This is the blueprint of what you need to do OP. You need to make such a fuss that it is easier for the teacher to move your child somewhere safer than make you put up with it. Yeah, maybe the problem is passed on but you have only one priority - your child. Once your child is safe, you can certainly work with the school for better policies etc but not until your child is safe mentally and physically.

They are failing that other child too - expecting a peer to sort out his behaviour.

my daughter had this for years. I taught her to yell out every time! “Ow! Stop kicking me, “Sean”!” , “Stop pulling my hair, “Sean”! That really hurts!!!”
*I had one particular teacher complain that her yelling out like this was disruptive, but I bought dates and times I had been previously to discuss this with her and that if she didn’t move this kid, then I would be reporting her to authorities.

Have you taken photographs of the bruises?

I think you need to insist on a move now, pointing out that your child is being bullied and injured and that this is a safeguarding issue, in addition to preventing him from learning. If they won't co-operate, ask for an urgent meeting with the head, and make it clear beforehand that the agenda items will be how they propose to keep your child safe from assault, and what they are doing to comply with their own bullying and safeguarding policies. Before you go, print off copies of those policies and any others that may be relevant and be ready with questions about how they are applying them. Ideally take someone with you to take notes, and produce and circulate your own minutes afterwards recording everything the school agrees to do and how they say they will protect your child.

No I wouldn't put up with this at all, your poor son. You need to approach his school again and escalate it if necessary.

I'm not sure why they are refusing to move him though. DD is always being put next to 'disruptive' kids as teachers feel that she can be a good influence on them. She mostly doesn't mind and she gets along well with most people. However she was placed next to a boy last year who was hiding her stuff and leaving rubbish on her seat. I brought this to the attention of her form teacher who immediately made the boy apologise and moved him once she verified that it was true.

YANBU

Call the HT every single day to complain and have a list of all the previous day's incidents when you call. Send an email daily too sonyou have a paper trail.

At the end of each week request a meeting with the teacher and HT. Your H should go too.

If you can email the teacher you should CC her.

Be the squeakiest wheel the school has ever seen. If you get no satisfactory response from the school, you should go to the governors.

Moving the violent student to sit beside some other quiet child is not a satisfactory answer.

OP if you can deal with this without involving the police, that will probably be easiest and best (providing it actually gets dealt with). But I think you need to be much more proactive than you appear to be being here and not just leave it up to your son to protest each time.

Email the school and inform them your son is being assaulted in class by this boy. Mention this is a continuation of behaviour they dealt with in year 5 that disrupted DS’s schooling for [however long it was before they moved them] and that their letting it recur seems to be a failure of their duty of care to your son and you expect a more timely response this time. If their bullying policy seems robust enough, specifically ask them to follow it. But if it’s pretty wispy washy tell them you don’t consider it appropriate by itself and they need to immediately protect your DS from criminal assault.

Having him loudly protest isn’t a bad idea. Each time this happens he should tell the boy to stop and walk away and tell the teacher, unless he fears that will escalate the violence, in which case he needs to tell the teacher quietly when he can. But it isn’t enough. Everyday this happens he needs to tell you and you need to email the school (so there is a trail they can’t deny) stating that your son has been assaulted in school again and asking what safeguarding steps they are going to take to stop it happening. If he has bruises you need to take photos of them. If they don’t move him after the second time it happens, go to the police and report the assault, tell them you have tried to go through the school but they are putting your son in harms way. I would also keep my child off school, informing the school that he will only return when they agree a plan with you to keep him safe from assault.

This may seem like a dramatic response. But if you don’t make them act quickly your DS will lose confidence in the school and, more importantly, in you. He will stop telling you what’s happening and become much more vulnerable - just as he gets to an age when you really need good communication with him over risks and relationships. He can’t handle this on his own. He doesn’t have the autonomy to change his environment and get properly away. He risks being told of himself for defending himself and his teachers aren’t listening to him. You need to make them take it seriously and make your son’s school safe for him.

If I had a colleague sitting beside me doing those things I’d report him or her for assault and if my company had forced me to sit with them knowing it, I’d also sue them!
I don’t know why children are expected to put up with this sort of crap when we wouldn’t.
This has been my dcs problem in the past, too. Sometimes I have also been told It’s good for dc’s learning to be helping disruptive child with their work.
Unacceptable in every possible way.