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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to move house…

55 replies

Mrsblueshoes · 20/09/2022 20:42

We live in a small 1 bed flat in London which we love. And is half an hour from work. But we have an 8 month DS. We found a small house in the town I grew up in near my mum. It means a long commute-2 hours -+ unreliable trains.
I don’t really want to move back to my old town, the idea makes me a bit depressed, although it’s fine & people love living there. I’m sure we’d make friends & settle in.
It seems to make sense to be near my mum for childcare support, although she is often very busy with her own things too so he’d have to tag along with her ..
we’ve decided we’d stay put in London in our flat until I go back to work & we know what it’ll be like. And the thought of moving feels a bit much right now.
but my mum is making me feel very selfish in this decision, that the pollution will harm our DS, that we won’t have any support & we should do what s best for him. I know she’s disappointed, but I feel awful now and so confused! Should we jump into the unknown and long (expensive) commute for the sake of our baby? Or stay with our decision to stick it out in London & the small flat a bit longer?…

OP posts:
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 20/09/2022 20:43

2 hour commute?

Fuck that.

PenCreed · 20/09/2022 20:43

One of my colleagues just quit a job she loved because that length of commute was killing her. Don’t do it.

DisforDarkChocolate · 20/09/2022 20:44

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 20/09/2022 20:43

2 hour commute?

Fuck that.

I wish we could vote because this says it all.

DazzlePaintedBattlePants · 20/09/2022 20:45

Like feck would I move - there is no guarentee at all that your mum will actually do any childcare. You’ve mentioned yourself that she’s busy enough - the novelty of a grandchild will wear off and you’ll be stuck with a shitty commute.

a short commute is SUCH a serious improvement in lifestyle.

Catupatree123 · 20/09/2022 20:46

Stay put, at least for now. Once you go back to work see how you get on. Thats a long commute and time away from baby thats not necessary (yet at least)

RachelSq · 20/09/2022 20:50

A two hour commute is four hours a day travel. That’s madness.

Original poster
Mrsblueshoes · 20/09/2022 22:30

Ah thank you! This makes me feel so much better! To be fair I was looking at doing 3 days a week so not a long commute everyday- probably should’ve added that! But definitely makes me feel less mad/selfish for our decision 😅

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 20/09/2022 22:38

I'd wait, move out (somewhere else not your old town) for primary schools etc. also gives you time to search for a job perhaps that doesn't require a massive commute.

I lived in London when my daughter was very small and made the move out for school. It was somewhere I fell in love with an hour from family.

They liked it so much they (parents and a sister) moved to villages near by ConfusedGrin

GabriellaMontez · 20/09/2022 22:44

Your Mum needs to butt out.

You and your partner need to decide what's best for your family.

Leeds2 · 20/09/2022 22:46

If you were to do 3 days a week, is your mum able to absolutely commit to looking after your child on those three days? Or would it be a bit hit and miss, because she has commitments ?

Lcb123 · 20/09/2022 22:46

I’d stay put for now and see how it is when you return to work. Could you look at somewhere in between as an option? If it means you can afford a bit more space but not such a long commute

Exasperatednow · 20/09/2022 22:52

I was in your position. 1 bed flat, baby and London. Moved to be near sfamily but changed job but still with a long commute. So I moved house, had baby, changed to another big job with commute. It was incredibly stressful.

I'm happy now, many many years later but it would be impossible for us to move back due to house prices and I have often wondered what our lives would be like if we had stuck it out.

mondaytosunday · 20/09/2022 22:56

Your commute two hours each way means you don't see your child on those days!
It's an insane idea.

PickAChew · 20/09/2022 22:59

How could an extra 3 hours away fro your baby be better for anyone?

TiaraBoo · 20/09/2022 23:14

From your posts, I’d say the best thing for your child is
-not to commute 4 hours per working day
-find proper childcare as your busy mum toting DS around doesn’t sound feasible
-don’t move somewhere you already find depressing
-tell yourself “my life, my choices” and don’t let your mum make your decisions for you

EfficientDynamics · 20/09/2022 23:17

A 2 hr commute each way will destroy you

I currently drive 25 minutes each way and that is the most I would want to do, luckily it's basically one road

Don't do it

distracta · 20/09/2022 23:20

Don’t move!!!!

StatisticallyChallenged · 20/09/2022 23:37

Nope, I'm in the "fuck that" camp. When they're little a short commute is a huge benefit- we stayed in a small place for years because my walk to work was 10 minutes which made all the difference when I went back with a 6 month old

We've moved out now, but I now work from home which is a game changer. Your time together is precious (not a working mum bash, it work FT, but when you do then you don't want to be wasting your non-work time on a train)

Coyoacan · 20/09/2022 23:46

Definitely not practical. What would you do the day you get a call at work telling you your child is sick and crying for you? City living is not that bad

Duchess379 · 21/09/2022 00:23

4 he commute on top of your work day - firm no from me!

Star81 · 21/09/2022 00:26

Even only working in office 3 days a week is 12 hours travel v 3 hours travel - that’s a whole extra day with your child a week !!

StripeyDeckchair · 21/09/2022 01:54

2hr commute for both of you will be horrific. You'll hardly see your baby, be permanently tired, itll cost and it won't be good for your relationship.

Hang on where you are for now and look at other places to move to - max commute 1hr.

Aria999 · 21/09/2022 02:10

Do not do a 2 hr commute, even 3 days a week. Nightmare! You will be exhausted and not see your child on those days.

Even pre kids I had a 1 hour maximum I was willing to commute.

Holidaying7 · 21/09/2022 02:13

Two hour commute… you’d never see your baby!! So definitely don’t do that.

Holidaying7 · 21/09/2022 02:16

Also if you love London, why leave? I know it’s expensive and property size will be a compromise, but it can be a wonderful place to raise a child. Diversity, culture, always something going on. And schools in London outperform those out of London. Move to a 2-bed if you can afford it, when you feel you need the space, and live somewhere you love.