Not to move house…

[Mrsblueshoes]

We live in a small 1 bed flat in London which we love. And is half an hour from work. But we have an 8 month DS. We found a small house in the town I grew up in near my mum. It means a long commute-2 hours -+ unreliable trains.
I don’t really want to move back to my old town, the idea makes me a bit depressed, although it’s fine & people love living there. I’m sure we’d make friends & settle in.
It seems to make sense to be near my mum for childcare support, although she is often very busy with her own things too so he’d have to tag along with her ..
we’ve decided we’d stay put in London in our flat until I go back to work & we know what it’ll be like. And the thought of moving feels a bit much right now.
but my mum is making me feel very selfish in this decision, that the pollution will harm our DS, that we won’t have any support & we should do what s best for him. I know she’s disappointed, but I feel awful now and so confused! Should we jump into the unknown and long (expensive) commute for the sake of our baby? Or stay with our decision to stick it out in London & the small flat a bit longer?…

Stay put for now. We lived in a small 2-bed central London flat until DC1 was 2.5 and the arrival of DC2. It was fine - lots of pluses (being able to walk everywhere, loads of friends nearby, access to culture to keep me sane). Only real downside was that the living space was only about 15 paces across, so not much space for learning to crawl/walk and I got cabin fever very easily so had to get out of the flat twice a day. But it kept me fit and we had loads of spacious places nearby (Barbican, Tate Modern, Southbank) where I could take DC for a crawl/totter.

We ended up moving out of London when DC2 came along (a move that was very tough on us all) and while we’re settled now I still miss London 7 years later and it will always feel like my real home.

No way on earth would I volunteer for a two hour commute if I had a child.

@HorrifiedByDaughter that’s really interesting to hear. I did wonder if actually a long commute could have some benefits. But yes I think it’s just not the right time for us now

It's not just moving to your old home town to be closer to your mum, it's the upheaval of your family life. You have to factor in the days when your child is sick, who is available for early pick up?

You said in your op that your mum has her own life and might not always help. For me that's a potential flash point, your mum is getting older & might not be able to or want to provide help. Who will be responsible for your mum's care when she's older?

London provides a lot of social, leisure & employment opportunities for families. I'd loathe to give that up for a 2 hour commute.

During the next holiday, go and stay with your mum and commute into work for a week. That's what she wants you to permanently if you move back. In terms of your career, what happens if you leave your London job? Are there comparable job opportunities in your home town?