It’s a bit shit when you are forever single and childless….

[AllAloneInThisHouse]

Just having a little moan really, it’s not that deep.

But I’ve been thinking today how much time, effort, money (seriously the money!) I’ve spend on other people’s hen do’s, weddings, kids, gifts and countless hours listening about their dating lives or partners and kids and never is has it been reciprocated.

I'm so with you OP!
One of the lowest moments for me in this area was when my group of friends decided that from then on, for birthdays and christmas we should "only buy for the kids", with me being the only one without kids.

I spend around £70 a year on each of there children

It's rude of them not to reciprocate (or start a conversation about doing a no-gift pact or the like), but I also think it's a bit insane to spend this amount on a niece or nephew.

sorry you’re feeling this way

it’s also shit because if you do bring it up you get this sanctimonious lecture about kids and busyness etc etc (is it business?)

just look on the other thread about booking months in advance for a meet up. so much - kids clubs, grandparents, nesting (lol)
like you have no plans yourself?

I think people think it’s weird when you’re single and/or without children. They drone on about varied friendship groups and accepting peoples life choices but actually if you deviate from ‘’meet someone, get married, have kids, have mum friends etc etc’ you’re seen as less important than other mum-friends

it sucks
I hope you do meet someone and have kids (I’m saying this because that’s what I’m taking from your posts - that you want it , not that I think it’s the be all and end all)

I'm in the same boat, but now also disabled. It really hit home one year when a sibling gave me a Christmas list for himself and his family, and I realised how much I spent on them/their choices as opposed to what I got in return and not only on a financial level. In monetary terms I spent out on 5 people and they certainly didn't spend even a fifth of the amount on me . At one point I joked that they could get gifts for my pets! I was the one that took on responsibilities with my parents because the others were always busy with their families and felt it was okay because I'd let them know if there was a problem.

Being disabled makes being alone worse, and a big part of what makes me believe that it will be how I remain. I simply don't have the confidence to put myself out there for the rejection. I used to think that maybe one day I'd meet someone in everyday life and something might develop, but as time goes on I'm very aware that the effort it would take to get through the initial stages of a relationship, would be a real struggle for me. I'd love to have someone to share things with, days out, meals, private jokes etc, but had a gay best friend for that - until he died last year. Now Mum has Alzheimer's and I am left with no-one to share those things/times with.

There are certainly positives to living alone as well, but the prospect of seeing out my days alone, is certainly not something that fills me with joy. That said, if I had loads of money in the bank I'd find plenty to do, and plenty of ways to have a more fulfilling life. Each lottery ticket brings me hope - I dream of travelling and helping out charities, spending time with Orangutans and Elephants etc. Being able to treat friends/family to things/activities so that we had a reason to be more in touch and up to date with each other's lives, do things that we wouldn't otherwise do. Being alone and wealthy would certainly not be anywhere as near as bad as what I currently foresee for myself. Until I get that winning ticket, I have the occasional pity party, but remember that things are always changing, and you never know who or what is around the corner. I hope that you feel better about things very soon, I notice that a lot of people seem to feel low at this time of year, so maybe go out and kick some leaves around and feel the sun on your face when you have an opportunity.

I don't resent spending money on other people's child-related things because I always feel that I've saved a lot of money in comparison to them by choosing not to have any. (If it hadn't been a choice it would be very different, of course.) But I must admit I am a bit jealous of weddings sometimes! I'd love to have a big party where all my extended family, friends, random colleagues etc got together in one place, but I doubt that many people would be bothered to come if it was for any other reason than getting married. Perhaps it'll happen for my funeral, although I don't suppose I'll be in the best position to appreciate it then

Thank you AllAloneInThisHouse, sending love to you too and to everyone experiencing this, it really is hard. I think I am finding it particularly difficult having now reached an age where I feel it definitely won't happen for me, I feel so sad and it is very isolating.

roarfeckingroarr what an unkind thing to say, completely lacking in understanding or empathy. For so many people, including me, this was not a choice. When I look at my friends and family members who are in relationships and how they met their partner, so much of it was luck - I have tried, I have pushed myself out of my comfort zone to try and meet someone. I don't think I'm a terrible person but it just hasn't happened for me and now it's too late for me to have children. And yet I am made to feel like I don't count, no one shows any interest in me or my life, is it too much to ask for people to recognise that there is more to life than marriage and children and those of us who do not have that for whatever reason, still have value?

OP, have you heard of a lady called Shani Silver? She does a lot around singlehood and living your best life while single, breaking down barriers and public perceptions of being single etc. Her book was a bit too much for my tastes, sometimes it felt like she believed she was owed a partner (which nobody is) but in general her podcasts and insta account was really enlightening. She has a community of single women.

That's lovely. Really thoughtful.