It’s a bit shit when you are forever single and childless….

[AllAloneInThisHouse]

Just having a little moan really, it’s not that deep.

But I’ve been thinking today how much time, effort, money (seriously the money!) I’ve spend on other people’s hen do’s, weddings, kids, gifts and countless hours listening about their dating lives or partners and kids and never is has it been reciprocated.

I could’ve written this post. I totalled up the amount I’d spent in one decade on all of the weddings, maternity leave send offs, baby showers, newborn gifts, DC birthdays and Christmases, and it was over £6,000. I then tried to think of a single thing I’d received in return, in a decade where I’ve been promoted 3 times, been seriously ill and survived, and lost both parents through estrangement. I could think of maybe 3 birthday cards and maybe 5 token under a tenner Christmas gifts.

I’ve seen so many threads on here descend into “well you should just be happy with your choices or tell your friends you want them to celebrate you”. Fuck that for a game of soldiers. I hate that if you don’t get married or have kids, you have to ask your mates to show basic decency.

And don’t get me started on the Christmas leave. I’ve worked the last 7 in a row and am being treated like King Herod because I’m refusing to do it this year.

And don’t get me started on the Christmas leave. I’ve worked the last 7 in a row and am being treated like King Herod because I’m refusing to do it this year.
Yes that is shit.
I was favoured for Christmas day with other DM. The other colleagues were younger so we repaid the favour by working St Stephen's day, new years eve/day shifts.

It is shit. It’s also only repaying it if your colleagues actually want to go out. I’ve never been the type to go out on NY, even when I was younger, and I still get told that it’s ok as I’ll get NY off. It’s as if you’re a perpetual teenager, and adds to the feelings of resentment.

I don’t think parents should be prioritised at all - it just leads to endless expectation.

Amazingly not everything is about marriage and producing kids. It's very easy to reciprocate. You engage with the person. How's their job going. How's the hobby going. Are you free this Saturday I'd love to take you for lunch. Do you need a hand moving house this weekend? Madness, I know.

You should give because you want to, not to receive. It's not your friends' fault you haven't met someone.

@MrsMarlowe congrats on buying your first home!

If I were your friend I wouldn't come and help because the presence of my toddler would add to the carnage of moving BUT I would but you a lovely card and present then take you for lunch / dinner

Stick to your guns and have a lovely Christmas this year 🍷

What a vile attitude. Again perpetuating this gross idea that women can only celebrate attaching themselves to a man and breeding. Everything else is pointless eh.

There's a huge in choosing to be single and childless
If its not a choice it must be very hard.

Thats shit I used to be a nurse some parents had a very entitled attitude about having Xmas off because they had kids ,even when I had my kids I never expected to get preferential treatment ,but some people did its so selfish

This. It’s the smugness. “It’s not our fault you haven’t done anything we deem worthy of celebration, just try harder to find a man!”

Just grim.

❤️ Just sending you some love @Gemi33

Going through the same, you've accurately described how it feels.

But actually a really common attitude @TheyreOnlyNoodlesMichael . I'm married but people always assume I am single. My hairdresser was the latest one who assumed this. People feel sorry for me before they know and say how they would hate to be single or that they feel sorry for their single friends.
When I was a lot younger at age 23, my best friend at the time was married. We went clubbing and a guy approached me. I wasn't interested and my friend was shaking her head in disappointment at me afterwards like I had done something wrong. None of my achievements such as completing a degree were celebrated.
I always feel that single women are looked down upon and seen as weird or lacking in someway. It's really sad. Men don't define a woman and single hood can be great, I miss it quite a bit truth be told.

Yes, it can be very hard when it's not a choice x

My friend is in the same position. I pointed out to her that my children absolutely adore my maiden aunt, she's interchangeable with the grandparents.

I think it depends on the relationships you nurture.

Having had a big brood it's exhausting and my friend can pick and choose her moments, and hand them back.

You stand to have the close relationships without all the parenting. The older I get the more attractive this becomes as I Wash up for the third time today after teenagers.

My friend is in the same position. I pointed out to her that my children absolutely adore my maiden aunt, she's interchangeable with the grandparents.

I think it depends on the relationships you nurture.

Doesn’t also depend on the relationships you have? You can’t nurture relationships with non existent nieces or nephews.

Society has been led to celebrate Weddings ,Engagements ,Babies for so long that it seems anything slightly different is "less" somehow.Yet we have page upon page of ladies regretting their choices,married to man babies and so on.I think that achieving buying a property ,having a landmark birthday when on your own is an even bigger thing when on your own!

It's easy to say that as you are not in your friends position
If somebody is childless and single and they don't want to be then it must be very hard .

I don’t think it’s ‘less’ it’s just not the done thing. New home cards and presents, for instance, seem to mainly be a ‘thing’ when people move into their first independent home or possibly as part of a goodbye when they relocate.

There’s no actual reason nothing else is widely celebrated, just that it’s not. By people with partners/children and single/child free alike. There’s nothing stopping anyone breaking that convention but to do so requires making the first move because what one person considers a reason to mark an occasion won’t necessarily be intuitive to anyone else.

It is shit. It’s also only repaying it if your colleagues actually want to go out. I’ve never been the type to go out on NY, even when I was younger, and I still get told that it’s ok as I’ll get NY off. It’s as if you’re a perpetual teenager, and adds to the feelings of resentment.
You're assuming the boss favoured families off when it was the younger members of staff.
I am always prepared to cover Christmas day, my colleagues preferred the other days off.
Public Houses don't open Christmas day in Ireland.
They're a group of friends too.
I am not one of the inconsiderate people described on this thread.
If anything I'm hyper aware of becoming obsessive about DC around friends who don't have DC for whatever reason.
I'm not arrogant enough to think anyone but family love and want to hear about my DC.

Having had a big brood it's exhausting and my friend can pick and choose her moments, and hand them back.

Erm, yeah, because they’re not her kids. Presumably you decided to have multiple children, they weren’t forced upon you. Perhaps your friend wasn’t in such a fortunate position.

OP I've posted many times about this issue, parents become very selfish towards their own families and do not care about others (not all but most) unless you are their DH and DC.

They also expect you to wait around until DC are older and they have more time on their hands whilst in the interim they've not bothered to do anything to accommodate you, your wants etc.

You're expected to turn up with gifts for their kids parties and sit there like a lemon but if you host something they'll use the kids for every excuse under the sun,

Parenting creates monsters out of most people or at least that's my experiences

Exactly this, couldn't have said it any better. People with kids are utterly selfish most of them. So wrapped up in their own family stuff they couldn't give a shit about anyone else.

If I ever do manage to have a family I'll be doing the same in return.

The other thing I find is I've lost all my friends. They've got married, had children and now socialise only with their married friends or ones with children
I don't mind children and I'm happy to even sit in soft play! But it seems like they just forget you're there...
it's not that I wanted to be single and without children, I just happen to have met all the arsehole men. The last one forgot to mention he wasn't single and I found out after 10 months