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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To request ex does not invite gf to mine?

91 replies

Nathleia · 20/09/2022 16:44

Ex-husband and I have been separated for over 6 years, cannot afford a divorce at this time. He's been in a relationship with a very nice lady for over two years, they don't live together, I am single by choice. Due to severe anxiety, I may be overthinking this whole thing:
I have an issue and my family doesn't think it's important.
We co-parent our 2 DD and every other weekend is spent with each parent.
I don't drive yet so their dad brings them to mine.
Recently, he's started bring his gf with him to drop them off, she has since become quite comfortable with accompanying him more frequently. Admittedly, she has remained in the car while he brings the girls bags in, but I have taken to remaining in the house so I don't have to see her when this happens.
The first time, he brought her (without asking me if it was okay), I was too shocked to say anything, I am very uncomfortable with this level of familiarity, especially as I would never invite anyone I was seeing to his house without his permission, but I don't want him bringing her to my place. The other weekend, she got a new car and, with my ex, drove over to mine to show my kids her new car, on my weekend! I think this is inappropriate and I asked my family for advice on how to stop him doing this.
Their reaction was concern about the ex's reaction and if I can just put up with it because I cannot reasonably stop him.

OP posts:

mycatisannoying · 20/09/2022 20:23

I'd feel a bit awkward about this, as my ex cheated on me with his current partner.
But if you parted amicably, then I'm not sure I see a problem.
Did he introduce your children within 5 minutes of dating her?

JudgeJ · 20/09/2022 20:33

namechange30455 · 20/09/2022 17:53

Apart from the new car bit, he's not "inviting" her to yours. She's sitting in the car on the road outside. While your ex is doing you a favour by always running the kids about. Like a PP said, go and pick your kids up if you're that bothered? Or stop curtain twitching so you don't know who's in the bloody car.

You say yourself she's "very nice" so what's the problem?

When I first read this title I thought that the OP was having a party, inviting the ex but not wanting the new girlfriend to come!

Wombat100 · 20/09/2022 20:38

DenholmElliot1 · 20/09/2022 16:54

YABU - i've heard it all now, ex wife of 6 years doesn't want dads new girlfriend to sit in his car FFS.

It's probably about time you learnt to drive.

This is spot on.

OP you’re being absolutely ridiculous.

katieg03 · 20/09/2022 20:43

Your family are right. You are being a bit ridiculous. You said she's nice. They've been together some time. If your ex didn't drive how would you facilitate contact? Blending families is a hard task but she is on the scene and in the kids lives. Turning up unannounced at the weekend is a bit unfair but maybe they are trying to be inclusive. Maybe they use her car at weekends. Who knows? Sounds like you need to learn to drive

ClottedCreamAndStrawberries · 20/09/2022 20:46

Who are you, the traffic warden? You can’t stop her from sitting in her own car (or your exes) on a public highway when dropping the kids off. Bonkers.

TowerRavenSeven · 20/09/2022 20:46

Yabu. She’s in the car and it’s been SIX years?!

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/09/2022 20:48

It's fairly clear OP isn't coming back.

ExtraJalapenos · 20/09/2022 20:49

Genuinely expected this to be about a recent ex coming over for xmas dinner/child's bday and inviting his new gf of 3 days over.

It ended 6 years ago. They've been together 2 years. She doesn't even leave his car. Wtf are you even complaining about OP.

Jesus. Get some driving lessons if you hate it so much. And please don't pass this ludicrous pettiness onto your kids.
And get a divorce. Jeez

BelleMarionette · 20/09/2022 20:50

Yabu as no one has been invited to your house. She has been in the car. Why does that bother you? In the kindest way, you need to move on.

Ponderingwindow · 20/09/2022 20:54

Randomly showing up on you weekend without checking first is rude.

a girlfriend of 2 years when you have been separated for 6 years? You may just need to accept that she is becoming a part of your quasi-extended family and you may see her from time to time.

FarmGirl78 · 21/09/2022 09:07

Its about £600 to get divorced through the gov.uk HMCTS website. If one of you is on benefits you don't even have to pay that. Neither of you need a solicitor, you can both agree and one of you petitions online.

Colourfulrainbows · 21/09/2022 09:10

What's this teaching the kids?

People split up. They move on.

Sounds like the Op still has feelings for the ex here. After 6 years.

My sons dad is coming round to ours this weekend for dinner. He will bring his fiancé with him. Her child from previous. My partner will be here and maybe his son from previous.

We also have all been out on day trips as family.

You should see how happy that makes the kids... Because that's what matters.

Some people need to grow up and realise that blended families without drama is what the children want and need.

Workawayxx · 21/09/2022 10:05

I don't think you can say anything about her sitting in the car. They shouldn't interrupt your weekend with the kids though to show them her new car (at least not without prior arrangement). I guess if it's a one off then no point in raising it now but if it happens again I'd say something.

Honeyroar · 21/09/2022 10:11

DenholmElliot1 · 20/09/2022 16:54

YABU - i've heard it all now, ex wife of 6 years doesn't want dads new girlfriend to sit in his car FFS.

It's probably about time you learnt to drive.

Yes I agree.

(I’ve been the girlfriend sat respectfully in the car. Watching his ex make him stand on the doorstep in driving rain while his son got his coat on etc. Then expected to walk into our house if it was raining when she came to collect her son. And no I’m not the OW - she was the one who had an affair and left).

Snugglemonkey · 21/09/2022 11:13

I think it might be a good idea to have some therapy and work through your feelings. It doesn't seem that you are over the breakup if this is upsetting to you after all this time. I wouldn't have a problem with the calling round even, but it is up to everyone to set their own boundaries. Therapy would help you define yours, understand them and hopefully be able to establish and maintain them with your ex.

autienotnaughty · 21/09/2022 11:25

Do you still have feelings for him if so that's really rough but you can't ban his gf from your street.

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