To request ex does not invite gf to mine?

[Nathleia]

Ex-husband and I have been separated for over 6 years, cannot afford a divorce at this time. He's been in a relationship with a very nice lady for over two years, they don't live together, I am single by choice. Due to severe anxiety, I may be overthinking this whole thing:
I have an issue and my family doesn't think it's important.
We co-parent our 2 DD and every other weekend is spent with each parent.
I don't drive yet so their dad brings them to mine.
Recently, he's started bring his gf with him to drop them off, she has since become quite comfortable with accompanying him more frequently. Admittedly, she has remained in the car while he brings the girls bags in, but I have taken to remaining in the house so I don't have to see her when this happens.
The first time, he brought her (without asking me if it was okay), I was too shocked to say anything, I am very uncomfortable with this level of familiarity, especially as I would never invite anyone I was seeing to his house without his permission, but I don't want him bringing her to my place. The other weekend, she got a new car and, with my ex, drove over to mine to show my kids her new car, on my weekend! I think this is inappropriate and I asked my family for advice on how to stop him doing this.
Their reaction was concern about the ex's reaction and if I can just put up with it because I cannot reasonably stop him.

This. YABVU especially as you haven't bothered to learn to drive in last 6 years

Well it stops you getting married again for a start. That's great if you've met someone who's happy to wait years for you to pull your finger out and get divorced so that you can marry them.

This, one million times.

OP stop trying to create problems when there are none. It's not fair on the DC.

Op are you getting medical help for your anxiety?

do they know about your mental health issues, could she be coming now as they are trying to get you to see and understand she is his partner so will be active In your kids lives? Likely even their step mother?

Do you understand your divorce is nothing more than an administrative formality now?

your post is clearly not about anxiety, but about something else entirely. Jealousy, unaccepting of the split, pretending the fact you’re still legally married means something. It’s hard to guess what is wrong here. But it’s clear something is very wrong here.

YABU. Really not seeing what the issue is.... unless you're jealous that he has met someone else??

My XH (of 5 years) and his latest wife (who was the OW) share the driving of our DC.... plus she helps ferry them around if XH or l can't.

Personally I'm very grateful that we all get on well for the sake of the DC and that she is a nice stepmum..... it could have been a whole lot worse!

YABU

If you had recently separated then it’s different but it’s been 6 years.

She is a part of your ex’s, children’s and therefore your life.

It sounds like you’re not completely over him which is a shame as the sooner you accept it, the easier it all becomes.

If she stays in the car, that's fine. His business. Not your problem.

However, them showing up during your weekend is not. And him imagining he can bring the new woman into your home is presumptuous and completely out of order..

My ex brought his new woman when dropping ds off after a holiday which was no problem but he came and told me (not asked me) that his new woman would be using my loo. I directed them to the local service station. 🙂

The coming over on my weekend thing would secretly annoy me but actually wouldn't you rather your kids have a SM who, upon buying a new car wants to come and share her joy with her Dsc? there's many a SM on here who cant wait for the dsc to leave but she wants to involve them in her things even when she could just be with your H. For this reason alone i would let it go.

Maybe listen to your family OP. Her being in the car shouldn’t be an issue at all and YABU to think that it is

The car on your weekend thing. Couldn’t get worked up about it if it was a one off

Co-parenting well is vital for your kids and for you to have an issue about something as minor as the gf sitting in a car is quite bonkers

legally yes. But so what? It carries no weight legally.

Op is quite aware the marriage is over. It’s not like she thought they were together and he rocked up with OW.

I was on the receiving end of this. The ex wife asked that I didn't come on the drop off for a bit. It got ridiculous to the extent that I had to get out the car and wait at the end of the road at one point. I could understand it if she never did drop offs to ours so new exactly where I lived!

You cannot control your ex. I would request that he doesn't come round on weekends that aren't his without discussing it with you first.

Ex-husband and I have been separated for over 6 years, cannot afford a divorce at this time doesn't matter. You have no control over him. Seriously 6 years and she's been in his life about 2 years. Move on.

Op, how old are the children? Could your Ex have been in communication with them and suggested they see the car?

As others say you can't police who is in his car. I appreciate it might be an issue for you but it's one you will need to try to resolve.

When you mean you can afford to divorce, do you mean you can't afford to financially separate due to mortgage etc?

You can't stop him bringing her to yours if she stays in the car. That's huge unreasonable.

Coming on your weekend without checking first is not on though.

If you have been separated 6 years I am guessing you don't share anything other than the kids. So divorce can be done online with the court cost of around £560. If you are in a low wage (the interpretation of that by the HMCTS is fairly generous) you can get it reduced or free. I would crack on with it asap because if you currently own your house and get run over by the proverbial bus.. he owns half.. all the time you are married.

As for the rest .. you are being more than unreasonable. He is doing ALL the driving and you want to dictate who can sit in his car outside your house !

You are being absolutely fucking ridiculous regarding your ex's girlfriend being outside in the car.

Op. Can you put into words why this bothers you? You say she's nice, she wasn't OW, they've been together 2 years... I understand this may be your anxiety talking but u think you really need to work out in your head why it's upsetting you and maybe as yourself if your rationale is reasonable.

Utterly ridiculous.

😂😂😂

I have been in the car at handovers because we’ve been out together. Going home would have meant an extra 40 mins driving past and then back again.

Should I have waited on a corner somewhere?!

Pretty impractical to be asked not to sit in the car.

Trying to dictate whether an adult woman is allowed to sit in her partner's car isn't to do with 'anxiety' though, is it. It's just you being controlling and petty. Some people use anxiety to give them carte Blanche to say and do whatever the hell they want to.

Its £593 now, and all divorces since 6th April 2022 are classed as no fault divorces.