Starting to look old and feel rubbish

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Started to feel quite down on myself. Obviously ageing happens to us all, but I literally NEVER look in the mirror and feel like I look good anymore. I'm 40s. I see lines around my eyes and I can even see the beginnings of a turkey neck (which my Mum has). My mum hasn't aged very well in comparison to her friends of a similar age and so I'm guessing I might be the same. My confidence is so rubbish now feeling like I look old and ugly, I hardly ever want to go out. I'm happily married and DH thinks I'm bonkers, but it's just how I feel. Is anyone else like this or AIBU

I look quite rough too (40s), but tbh it's the least of my worries so I just avoid looking in the mirror and so feel less bothered!

I went through a stage of feeling this way. I’ve learnt to except it. I have also started using a moisturiser with a high spf to try to slow things down. I think I was a bit late though 🙄

I hear you OP. Let's cut ourselves some slack. I fantasize about going to the hairdresser's, face packs, yoga etc, but I have lost the will. We are beautiful on the inside. 😎

Same.

The good news for you is that the older you get, the less any sort of appeal is about looks and the more it’s about health and fitness.

Never complain about getting older OP, it is a privilege denied to many.

Very true 👍

In ten years time you’re going to look back and realise how youthful you actually looked.

I feel the same especially the beginning of turkey neck.

I feel like I might have postponed that for a bit by upgrading my moisturizer and the occasional foreo bear use when I am feeling especially haggard.

It is depressing.

I just avoid mirrors. The only thing is it gets more and more terrifying when i accidentally see myself in one. 🤣

I feel the same op...the 40s really does hammer us women with the drop in oestrogen. I find it really hard but you have to keep going out...you cant spend the rest of your life indoors...get a scarf for a start. There are some lovely ones...also get some tret.

I’m going through the exact same thing at the min. Even when I make an effort I still look rough.

I don’t know how my female relatives age because they have all died before 50

i was the oldest woman in my family at 24 unless you count vague second cousins I’ve never met.

Im 40 and starting to have questions about menopause, ageing etc but no one to ask. I caught a glance of my neck the other day and realised it is starting to sag down, so that’s nice. but when I was younger I just assumed I wouldn’t see 50 so didn’t worry about it. It seems closer now!

I know it sounds cliche and obviously not working miracles but the only times I look a bit better is loads more water and good sleep. Seem to be unable to look okay on missing out those two these days.

@HorribleHerstory That’s similar to me a little, I have a limited life span so any extra year is a bonus! Still wish I looked less haggard though.

I'm also mid 40s and seeing undeniable signs of my age (lines, sagging, greying hair which I colour, thicker waist which I battle). I find it helps to remind myself that I am not meant to look like I did at 30, even if I feel the same inside, and that I should cut myself the same slack I would cut any other woman in her mind 40s. I think it is easy to feel almost guilty, as if we are failing by not holding off all signs of age.

@TheYearOfSmallThings well said in my opinion. A few times I’ve given myself a talking to to say well you are early 40s! I can’t expect to look 20 etc.

I’m with you! I’ve always been very thin but am starting to look thin haggard rather than thin slim. My once friendly cheeks are now starting to draw in around my bones. On the upside they accentuate the bags under my eyes beautifully:)

Ironically I’m probably fitter than I’ve ever been and my legs (for the first time in years) have okay muscle definition but the varicose veins they don are so ghastly that they never see the light of day!

Very pleased to be alive and well but I do take a deep breath when I see myself in the mirror sometimes. Especially those multi angle mirror arrangements they have in changing rooms….

Same, I just feel rubbish. Had a baby a year ago and need to lose some weight (I didn’t really put it on when pregnant, seemed to be after!), but I just don’t have the time or inclination as I do a 50hr week and weekends have been tied up with a community project. I am refusing to buy new clothes as don’t want to admit I’ve gone up a few sizes so am wearing sacks. I have started a new job and want to make a fresh new start, but haven’t got round to it yet. I hate photos of me, which is a shame as I’ll look back and have none of me with the baby. I need a complete style overhaul.

@gretr I’m in awe of you!

Nah. I'm 43. I probably look my age, I don't really examine myself that much. I've had lines for years I think, and loads of grey. Not sure about turkey neck, I don't really know what that is.

I just look like me. Nicely ordinary.

I smile at myself whenever I look in a mirror. Firstly, it makes me look tons better, secondly it’s nice to see a happy face smiling back at me.

I look a decade older than I am. I still feel positive about my looks. (More so than when I was young, with thick glossy hair and perfect skin)

Work with what you have, its all you can do. Make an effort don't be a misery. Whats the point?

A good Vitamin C cream every morning. SPF50 Suncream all year round. Retinol. Nice hairstyle. Subtle makeup. Drink more water. Take vitamins. Exercise. Dress nicely. Get some nice scarves.

Honestly, ageing is a privilege. For those of us who make it through we must accept we simply cannot stay young looking forever, but we can actually get up and make an effort, and aim to look our best.

Are you me? Im fugly.

Yes, I got very depressed about how quickly / badly I was ageing a few years ago in my late 30s. I got quite obsessed with it and was very unhappy. Then I got pregnant and now with a DC 21 months, I barely have time to think about my appearance which is quite liberating in a way, even though I undoubtedly look worse after 2 years of sleep deprivation. I guess it’s about putting it into perspective.