Starting to look old and feel rubbish

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Started to feel quite down on myself. Obviously ageing happens to us all, but I literally NEVER look in the mirror and feel like I look good anymore. I'm 40s. I see lines around my eyes and I can even see the beginnings of a turkey neck (which my Mum has). My mum hasn't aged very well in comparison to her friends of a similar age and so I'm guessing I might be the same. My confidence is so rubbish now feeling like I look old and ugly, I hardly ever want to go out. I'm happily married and DH thinks I'm bonkers, but it's just how I feel. Is anyone else like this or AIBU

I get you. My neck is going the same way. I’m mid 40’s, and at present not too many facial wrinkles but the neck gets me down. I’m seriously considering something cosmetic. And I’m not even someone who wears much make up etc, it just knocks your confidence. So totally get you. Other people say to me it’s not bad and it’s me etc, but it’s there!

No one ever looks surprised in a nice way when I tell them how old I am! 56 and look every wrinkly line of it, not sure what happened really

Well, depending on your budget / how much time you want to commit to it OP there are options!

I'm not in the 'growing old gracefully' camp and have had some subtle help aesthetically, as well as good hairdresser, self tan, good skin care routine and generally just paying attention to exercise, nutrition, sleep, water/alcohol consumption and how I look and dress.

It's time consuming and not for the feint-hearted (or skint) but I'm feeling good for my age - most days!

Oh I’m sorry op, it’s rubbish to feel down on yourself no matter the reason.

I say this all the time on here (and in real life) but realistically most people look nice. Do they look like Julia Robertson? No, they don’t. But do they look pleasant? Yes. I don’t know one really ugly person. Everyone I know looks basically okay most of the time and quite nice when they scrub up. It’s just that obviously I don’t roam my critical eye over others as I do to myself. So if I feel ugly or like I look horrible I always think of people I know or love. I think ‘who is the ugliest of my friend group? Which of my sils is the fattest and ugliest?’ And then I realise I don’t think any other people are ugly. So logically, unless I’m some sort of crazy outlier, I’m probably not ugly either.

I never look in the mirror and feel old. I think I look around the age that I am generally (61), and am happy with how I look on a good day. My benchmark for my single daily look in the mirror is hoping that less than 50% of my face is covered in Psoriasis.

I do realise that sounds like I nastily sit thinking of which of my loved ones are ugly, but it’s more that it helps me realise if nobody in my life is ugly (despite often sharing features with me) then what are the chances I’m actually as hideous as I sometimes convince myself I am? It’s just not likely.

I do always feel better when I’m taking care of myself though - simple things like nice clothes that make me feel good, a good haircut, doing skincare and things. Even if it doesn’t make a huge difference to how I look, it makes me feel confident.

Come on OP! go out with your dh, he loves you! laugh with him, have fun, do 'stuff' what on earth are you thinking of by wasting your life hiding away when you could be out and living it?

I'm willing to bet you actually look perfectly fine.

If you weren’t aging you’d be a Ben Button-esque freak show.

Drink lots of water. And wine. Live ffs.

Remind yourself not to buy into the misogynistic bullshit that tells us men age like fine wine and women should look like a foetus until death. You SHOULD age. I’m not saying become the neighbourhood hag and run around bursting blood vessels screaming at children, but aging is normal.

These threads are so fucking sad.

I've been searching the Internet for non surgical procedures. If someone could just tighten my neck a bit I'd feel a million times better! I guess I should get things into perspective and be glad I'm alive and healthy. So many aren't so lucky 😔

Profhilo. Wonderful stuff and can be used on the neck. Can totally recommend 👌

yes ive found ageing really makes me hold up a mirror to the judgements I've held unconsciously until now!

Like how much my happiness was/is linked to how I looked. But as a pp has said its a blooming privilege to age! (Well up to a point, I'd hate to be 90 and totally infirm and in pain).

Stop looking in the mirror so much

best advice (I read it on here)

and remember it happens to us all. We can still look good but not youthful. Embrace it life changes all the time and you are in a different stage of your life but you are here that’s what is important

Best make your peace with it. 50 comes round really quickly.

I’ve got a Turkey neck, Turkey hands & a Turkey chin! I look back at pics of me at20-30 & how young & hot I was but now I gracefully accept that those days are gone & now I embrace being a cross between a Turkey & a scarecrow!

I still choose funky & nice clothes & I’m happy that I’m being given the chance to age. Literally looking rough doesn’t bother me, I am slim & healthy & I’m happy & to me, that’s all that matters.

I’m 44 and I’ve started to realise I can’t look the same as I did 5 years ago.

I’m looking to change my wardrobe to reflect my peri menopausal figure. Ironically a cheap dress from SHEIN looked better on me than a more expensive one.

My hair needs to be cut and coloured to reflect this and I’m trying to find time to exercise more.

But I’m lucky I have time my kids are old enough for me to allow time and my parents are still independent.

@KermitlovesKeyLimePie you can be glad to be alive but still find ageing difficult. Don't heap even more guilt onto women.

My mum at the same age looked older than me. She was quite lined etc. I have very few lines but I look after my skin and use retinol. My mum never used moisturiser etc. My issue is melasma. Large brown patches on my face so I don't go anywhere without at least foundation covering it.

Meh.

I'm 40 and look good.

But it's hard peddle.

I est well, exercise, drink loads of water, keep slim, moisturise.

You can definitely tell who hit it hard in their 20's on the drinking and smoking vs those who didn't.

If it helps, my 7 year old was watching the funeral on Monday and turned to me…

”mummy, is that the queen?”
”Queen Consort she’s called, yes”
“She seems a bit… your age”

😳😳😳

I’m 48 - much as I think Camilla looks amazing most of the time, clearly it’s time to get the hair dye out and start extra with the moisturiser and massage!!

I feel your pain! I have some friends in their 40s like me, but who are overweight and look much younger as the extra weight pushes the wrinkles out. I envy them!
If you’re adamant about a procedure, check this out: www.cosmeticskinclinic.com/treatments/neck-lift/

Op depending on budget, morpheus 8 may be an option for you.

Retinol is your best friend it is magical but its a marathon not a sprint. Chemical peels can really brighten your face but seek a really good professional.

The rut you are stuck in is a horrible one to pull yourself out of, I've been there feeling like what's the point it's like polishing a t*rd when it comes to pampering myself. But I swear the more you do for yourself the more you confidence will come back. Wear something you feel nice in, get your hair done. Glow up the parts of you that you already like. Buy a killer new outfit that fits amazingly.
I think we all get guilty of neglecting ourselves saying we will do it when we lose that 3 stone or get the chance etc but the truth is you are just letting life slip past.
The happiest and most attractive people I know are full of life because they take care of themselves and go out and enjoy themselves.

Your similar aged, and older, friends (and a few younger) will be experiencing their own changes. I think that makes me more accepting, realising we're all in the same boat.

I recently started to work for someone I worked for in my 30s. He is slightly older than me and hadn't aged a day.

I hear ya! But you're never going to be this young again so make the most of it.

My top tip is, if you smoke, stop. My friend did and auddenly had a fresh face rather than looking greyish.

Im 54, my face isn't caving in too much yet, but that's because I'm fat, so it's win/lose 😀 I've had 6 days off work, just pottering at home, reading, doing things I like, resting or napping when I feel like it and taking five minutes each day to take off makeup, use a serum and a bit of moisturiser. I am looking so much better for that tiny bit of skincare and having a proper rest.

Maybe giving up work is the answer rather than giving up smoking?

@mackthepony

I looked great at 40. It's 44 that's the beast....