My partner of two years has an old fashioned idea about parenting.
A bit like my own father in the 80's.... when asked to do something, you did it immediately for fear of being disciplined.
He has 'expectations' that need to be met he says.
I have two children with special needs.
They are both quite emotionally dependant on me and are very anxious.
One has Asperger's the other has general
Anxiety disorder.
The child with Asperger's is 14 and the youngest is 12.
My childrens father left abruptly one morning three and a half years ago for a colleague.
The children and I were completely shocked and distraught.
Their symptoms of their extra needs exacerbated.
I got Drs , schools and therapists involved .
They're doing ok but a long way to go before either of them trust again.
My youngest is afraid that I'm going to leave and shadows me all day long when I'm not working.
My children have a very poor relationship with their Dad as he isn't hugely interested and they really can't forgive him.
I do not not have no spoken badly about him to them.
So back to my AIBU.... my partner has a huge issue with the way my children treat me.
He cannot cope with my children not doing what they're told immediately.
He treats one of them in particular, the youngest one very strictly. I've heard him being sarcastic and cold towards him.
Partner doesn't live with us so interaction is limited..
He cannot understand why their rooms aren't spotless and their spaces spick and span at all times. Thinks I should cut off money and phones until their rooms are spotless every day.
Says it upsets him to hear the way my youngest speaks to me at times.
He thinks my youngest has no interest in a relationship with him. Sometimes I wonder if my youngest is afraid of him.
My youngest has huge anger and aggression , I believe from modelling his fathers behaviour towards me but t also unable to manage these huge emotions.
Sometimes he says nasty things but apologises straight after . We are working on this through therapy and school.
He is also awaiting CAMHS.
He is doing ok.
In the midst of a row recently, his exact words were ....,' If you asked me to go away for a break woth your kids right now, the answer would be a firm NO'
I was terribly hurt.
He said he couldn't bear them
Calling me for this and that and
Not keeping their areas spotless.
Im a single mom , working full time, useless exh and have a partner who doesn't contribute to my life domestically( my choice)
He doesn't seem to understand children with special or additional needs . Thinks my youngest especially is playing me for a fool and doesn't believe all of the crying, continuous shadowing, phone calls and texts are symptoms of anxiety but a need to control me and my partner really resents him. I can see it although he denies it .
AIBU or is he ?