To ask why you’re awake after midnight? (again)

[5YearsLeft]

I can’t find the old insomnia threads, so I thought I’d start a new one because I’m having a certified hell of a time falling asleep.

My brain just won’t shut up! I had a headache for roughly a month solid. Answer: it turns out I was severely deficient in everything. I’ve been on prescription-grade iron, potassium, vitamin D, and calcium since last Thursday and I almost have energy for the first time in months. But it’s enough energy to: make my pain even more noticeable, make me realize I hate the life I’m stuck in, and keep me from sleeping.

Why are you awake? Worry? Illness? Other people? Work?

Fuck knows. Probably menopause related. I had 8 hours sleep last night so now I am being punished with No sleep at all tonight.

I'm up because I adore my daughter. And it does my bloody nut in that I can't can't make it right.

So I'm listening to Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons and hoping for the best.

@KittenKins PARKOUR PARKOUR! Jokes aside, one can never hope to understand the mystery of cat night noises. And yes, it is truly annoying to not be able to control one’s sleep rhythm.

@HighlandPony Fingers crossed, no feeds until 8am!!!

@Yarboosucks Oh no! I wonder why an hour! It’s the middle of the bloody night! I guess a bunch of people got steaming after the funeral and all had to be towed home???

@JanisMoplin I’m so sorry. You know, the truth is that life is hard as hell, and absolutely none of us are going to make it out alive. Not one. So we just do the best we can. But it’s awful that you’re suffering so much.I hate for anyone to feel like this, even though of course, it happens. I hope tomorrow, there’s even one tiny teeny chance that something might be better for you than today. Good luck.

@BadNomad Ah the joy and curse of ADHD and YouTube! I hope the CrimpIt looks good with your hair! I’d look like someone went absolutely batshite trying to wrap a Christmas parcel! I do hope sleep finds you soon.

@Justkidding55 Isnt that the thing about worries? Aren’t they just complete and utter bastards? It seems like they take great glee in standing on one another’s shoulders sometimes and looking EVEN bigger than they are. Menopause is crap on its own at time, but you add in the worries, and it’s a steaming pile. Good luck; I hope maybe you can find a bit of rest where the worries seem far away for just a short while.

@Sistanotcista Ah yes, the two types of insomnia. One stops you from falling asleep and one keeps you awake IF you wake up. Argh. I do hope you’re able to get back to sleep eventually, though!

@5YearsLeft thank you xx
I got diagnosed after 14 years of pain; 14 years of being medically ignored, lambasted for being a ‘hypochondriac’ and ostracised by teachers/friends/employers. I cannot even begin to calculate the amount of days I’ve lost to this horrid illness. The fact that 1 in 10 will suffer from this disease, and the NHS considers this to be in the top 16 of the most painful conditions a person can have, yet so many people don’t even know what endometriosis is about makes me want to weep. Endometriosis is a gynae condition and (generally) men don’t care about gynae conditions. And it’s the men who are making the decisions where the funding for medical research goes. It makes me sad.

Chronic insomniac/disturbed sleeper. I haven’t had a night’s sleep for so many years. I sleep for a couple of hours if I’m lucky then that’s it. Get through the day with a couple of naps. Permanently shattered

Thank you @5YearsLeft. Your posts have been lovely. I hope everyone gets relief from their worries and help with their DC.

Been on nights last few days now stuck in nightshift mode and cant sleep

I'm up every night 2 or 3 times. Probably perimenopause related. Actually slept the longest in years tonight before waking up- usually every 1.5-2 hours, tonight 5 hours! Will try and drop off again in the next hour, fingers crossed.

@55YearsLeft

Thank you, that's good & kind advice.

Unfortunately, there IS no meaningful support available (rural, backward area). He needs to pass this year to get out of here - its his ticket out: he knows it. Sadly he's blaming himself not 'the system' when its the system to blame. Its clear to me he's on the wrong course (Tutor hopeless- 'doesn't believe in Dyslexia' so Ds can't talk to him at all). After years of no help, Ds gives up.
Other Tutor /course should be better but Ds might not be able to take the strain of the course change, 4 wks in even if they let him. Its a real gamble with his MH. To be honest, I'm scared.

My other child is also ('more'?) ASD, & in 1st exam year & I have to keep her afloat too. She's only semi verbal, more help at school but angry with me as Dad left & because she's 15 & I'm Mum.

Plus, Ds leaving school & going to College means my benefits plummet (I'm a Carer on £68 pw) & I'm scared to put the heating on. Its going to be a long cold winter up here (Scotland).
Of course we'll manage as he is super bright & should be at College but its not going well for him right now, therefore me.

@5YearsLeft even
(just feels like 55, in the wee small hours)

I went to bed really early because I felt rubbish and exhausted. I've been up since 10.30pm with awful D&V. Not helpful because at DM's house - one bathroom, no sick bucket, everyone else has been asleep for hours and I'm supposed to be going on holiday in a few hours

I’ve been called for a hospital appt tomorrow (later today) to discuss ct scan results from last week - and I just can’t switch my brain off to sleep!

@PopGoesBang Ah yes, of COURSE now that she’s asleep, you’re wide awake! It’s only fair! Because… erm, because? Ha. It’s the law of complete shite baby sleep exchange. Clearly states that as soon as you get the baby off to deep sleep, you will be completely wide awake. If she only falls into a light sleep, THEN you’ll fr body will try to doze off into a deep sleep and she’ll wake you up again. Its the second most dangerous game. FOR THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME, SEE ATTACHED PICTURE.

@JanisMoplin Er, it’s no illusion - mums DON’T get any time off from the mental load. You are constantly carrying around 2,000,000kg of worries about work, money, the children, health, etc. If you feel exhausted, it’s no surprise. Nobody can drag the weight of the world around behind them all day everyday and not set it down ever, and not sleep for worrying, and not feel a bit like cracking. It’s pretty normal. I wish I had some brilliant solution. The only one I really have? Talk. Talk to someone. Some fears disappear when exposed to light. Some worries grow smaller when you talk about them with someone. We all try to help each other if we can, in the little ways we’re able. Good luck; I’m sure you’re so tired.

@Bloodybridget Im so sorry that it feels like that! As if you’re on a seesaw and you got eight hours so now you get none. It shouldn’t have to feel that way and I do hope maybe you can still salvage a few hours tonight.

@VividlyReneredLandscape Oh no. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry you’re going through this, and I’m sorry for your DD. It’s hard, and painful, that you can’t just wave a wand and fix things for your kids, especially when they hurt and you just want things to be easier for them. And trying to sleep when your mind is racing and racing to come up with a solution feels impossible. Good luck; I wish I had a magical answer tree we could shake and get answers. I’d plant it right next to my magical money tree, if I had one of those.

@thequeenoftheandals Sigh. I’m so, so sorry. This is just gut-wrenching to read, and I wish I were surprised, but I’m not. 14 years. I know EXACTLY what you mean about not being to calculate all the days you’ve lost from it. It’s not just days. It’s all the times and events and opportunities and paths not taken and decisions formed by pain and… the unfairness is breathtaking. I’m just really, really sorry. I hope you get a bit of sleep and the pain eases slightly for a better tomorrow than today.

@medianewbie, I feel your pain.

Woke up for a wee. I'm hungry because of eating less, trying to lose some weight and all I can think about is what's in the fridge and how good it would taste!

Currently holding a wriggling 4 month old. He's had a feed and is asleep but keeps wriggling so not sure how deeply asleep he is. Hoping to transfer him to his cot shortly (and will then struggle to get back to sleep myself due to DH's foghorn snoring). 😩

And @medianewbie. We're all rich and easy.

It makes FUCK ALL difference.

Really.

I can't persuade my daughter to engage. Despite the 'Small, non-selective independents'

Really. I might be listened to more because I'm verbose and UMC. BUT schools still won't take your child if she's singular.

It pains me.

I’m up the hospital with my 13 month old due to his breathing. Finally got moved to a children's ward half an hour ago after being up here since 2pm. I’m knackered. Wouldn’t be awake if i weren’t here!

@Dita73 I try not to question chronic insomnia sufferers too much, so I’ll only ask one time if you’ve tried all the “stuff” (medications, various processes, anti blue light, all that)? I never want to start recommending things to someone, especially if they’ve already tried everything, they’re stressed by failure, and they just need support.

@maiafawnly Ah yes, that switch from one sleep pattern to the other is ridiculous difficult!

@Monkeytennis97 Of course! As soon as you get a bit of sleep, the plan is to try to drag it back out of you with insomnia.

@medianewbie What the hell have I just read?! Doesn’t BELIEVE in dyslexia?!?!? Is this the 1950s??? I’m just disgusted. Your poor DS. I haven’t heard of that in decades. Obviously, we’re un ever more of a privileged bubble than I thought, because I admit that often ASD care isn’t what it should be anywhere, but I’ve never ever heard of questioning dyslexia. No wonder your poor young man is blaming himself. I so hope he can find his way through it. And your DD sounds like she’s got an entire host of arsehats to deal with too; I’m so sorry. And then, who knew, they decided to keep a bunch of arsehats in the government so you have to worry about affording to turn on the heating. None of it is fair and none of it is right. And I sure hope some of it gets sorted out. Very, very best of luck.

@Dinosauraddict Oh no! And OF COURSE it’s D&V because you’re trying to go on holiday tomorrow. There’s practically an unwritten rule about this.

@AiryFairyLights You are 100% allowed to brick it over the hospital calling you. I absolutely HATE when they do that about results. I’m always going, “If it’s something horrible, JUST TELL ME NOW! DON’T BLOODY MAKE ME WAIT AND COME IN!” This doesn’t usually work since it’s a receptionist and they don’t know. GOOD LUCK!!!!!

@AllAboutMargot Ignore the fridge! The fridge is not your friend!

@YfenniChristie Ah, such a tough one, when you’re that tired. I hope he’s able to be set down in his cot soon!

@PopGoesBang I forgot the image. Ha.

The baby I've fostered since he was 5 days old and is now 7.5 months is going later this week. He's going to live with his aunty and we've been doing transitions for a week. It's a very positive move but I'm feeling very emotional and for the last 4 nights I've only been getting 3-4 hours sleep. I'm having horrible nightmares, my eyes and my head hurt and I just can't go back to sleep once I've woken up.

I cannot sleep thinking of work. I'm close to burnout, job is the busiest I've known and the future looks even worse. I'm counting my blessings and plan for exit.

3 yr old.

Been awake since about 2am
Have given up trying to go back to sleep and am now on the sofa watching a film with ddog lying on top of me snoring 😴

I've been unwell for a week but pain feels worse tonight, I have this unexplainable feeling that something is really wrong and it's giving me anxiety.
I need to go back to work in the morning too.

@Magik01 Oh no, poor mite. And poor you!!! That is an incredibly long time to he at hospital; glad that you’re finally in the children’s ward. I hope maybe they can give you a cot or a chair and you can get at least a few hours of sleep, if such a thing is possible. Your little one must just be absolutely beyond tired and fallen asleep a while ago.

@VividlyReneredLandscape I’m so sorry to hear things are so tough. I guess those wise, ancient philosophers, Morcheeba, were right, eh? “There’s never an easy way.” There’s no magic pill or magic bullet or magic book or magic advice. I wish there were. I hope that someone reaches out with what your DD needs so she feels able to engage. It’s all so difficult. Good luck.