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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner gets grumpy with baby

70 replies

Saju1 · 19/09/2022 20:09

Baby is 4 months old.

I have all the patience for my baby, but when my partner looks after her, he always ends up angry, says that our baby doesn't love him, I always hear him shout 'enough!' at her.. etc

I've asked him to stop, but he says that I Molly koddle our baby and that's why I find him being "mean" to our baby.

I think he has issues, he says he doesn't.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Glamorgans · 19/09/2022 20:18

He shouts at the baby - surely you know this is awful behaviour and unacceptable?

Boxofsockss · 19/09/2022 20:20

I’d monitor his interactions with your baby very closely if he does this at a 4 month old. It’s unacceptable .

Brigante9 · 19/09/2022 20:21

She’s 4 months. She has no idea why he’s shouting. Does he really expect her to stop because he shouts? He needs some parenting classes and to do some serious reading.

Shinyshoes2 · 19/09/2022 20:23

How long have you been together? Did you both plan a family ? .
How was he during your pregnancy, was he supportive ?
Such a lot missing from your original post

Sevenwondersofthewoo · 19/09/2022 20:23

Moddle coddling a 4 month old what planet is he on.

they need nurturing at that age ffs not shouted at.

Noviembre · 19/09/2022 20:25

That's terrifying. OP, this is not how good men behave with babies. Good men cherish them. They do not scream in their faces and your child is quite likely in danger in his presence.

KingCharlespen · 19/09/2022 20:26

Please never leave him alone with your baby and take a long hard look at your situation.

Kamber · 19/09/2022 20:27

Please please please don't leave him alone with the baby. Shouting is terrible and could indicate it leading to far worse if he looses his temper. It only takes a second.

You really need to be thinking about if you should be staying together as if you can't trust him with his own child, what hope is there?

newjobwhodisperhaps · 19/09/2022 20:27

You need to consider the well-being of your child.
There's getting frustrated because you're sleep deprived and then there's shouting in an infants face.
Please be careful for your baby's sake

Oysterbabe · 19/09/2022 20:27

I wouldn't be leaving that man alone with my child for even a second.

caffelattetogo · 19/09/2022 20:27

Please don't leave him alone with the baby again. He sounds like a psychopath.

Redburnett · 19/09/2022 20:28

Get him a book on child development to try and help him understand how and why babies behave as they do. They are not mini adults!
If he does not improve within a week or so leave him.

Original poster
Saju1 · 19/09/2022 20:29

Shinyshoes2

We were together for 4 months when we found out I was pregnant, he never wanted children.
He was supportive during pregnancy, and he is lovely the majority of the time, it's only when I leave her alone with him that this happens

OP posts:
fairgame84 · 19/09/2022 20:30

Shouting at a baby is not normal and not acceptable.
I'm sorry but this is like a red flag for those that end up really hurting babies. I wouldn't leave him alone with her at all.

Is he her dad?

LaurenM87 · 19/09/2022 20:30

I'm sorry you are dealing with this, it must be so difficult to witness. My DD is also 4 months old. My husband doesn't have loads of patience and while he has never shouted, has often said things like "shush" or " stop crying that's enough" in a really stern tone. It made my stomach turn and I said I can't have him looking after her if he speaks to her like that. I spoke to my HV who suggested a local dads group. While my husband did not take up this offer, you could suggest this to yours as he may be more open? You could also demonstrate ways that you soothe your baby and show him that these are so much more effective than losing patience. I also tried to empathise (as hard as this was) and explained that she doesn't always settle for me and I know it can be hard but she's a baby and it's her only way to communicate. How would we like it as adults that when we try our best to communicate our needs we are shut down and scolded? I hope things improve as I know how tough this can be 🙏.

CaffeineMama · 19/09/2022 20:31

Don't leave him alone with her, this sounds dangerous and the situation could escalate quickly. Can you speak to your HV for support and advice? Partners can suffer from PPA/PPD but if this is the problem it needs to be addressed. If this behaviour is just your partner's nature ans continues you should reconsider the relationship.

Deadringer · 19/09/2022 20:31

He sounds nuts. Get your baby away from him.

Notimeforaname · 19/09/2022 20:32

Your post has freaked me out a bit.

I hear of shit fathers all the time but this is different.
Shouting at a tiny baby to tell them its "Enough" red flag.
Getting angry saying she doesn't love him( hes blaming the baby) red flag

Saying you take care of the baby too much or "Molly coddle" giant red flag.

It's like he has no understanding of babies whatsoever and doesn't like her at all.

I echo other posters . Dont leave him alone with her. He needs to talk to somebody.

VestaTilley · 19/09/2022 20:32

His behaviour is completely unacceptable. You can’t mollycoddle or spoil a baby - they’re a baby! They need love, patience and attention.

Keep a very close eye on him with her, and if he doesn’t improve I’d start planning to leave and take the baby with you. Don’t allow him unsupervised access.

Notimeforaname · 19/09/2022 20:33

he never wanted children
He still doesn't by the sounds of it op.

Can you get away ? Can you live independently with your baby ?

Notimeforaname · 19/09/2022 20:34

This man will being no good to this little girls life.

Notimeforaname · 19/09/2022 20:35

bring* 🙄

shmiz · 19/09/2022 20:36

Omg
he didn’t want her
he hasn’t bonded with the baby
he shouts at a 4 month old baby

if things escalate - he could be very dangerous to your baby

NEVER leave him alone with the baby
and LEAVE this sick nasty man

AnyFucker · 19/09/2022 20:36

You have made a mistake going ahead with this pregnancy with a man you barely knew

It’s not too late to acknowledge that and get your baby away from him before you live to regret it

Winceybincey · 19/09/2022 20:40

I hope for your baby’s sake that you won’t end up as another news headline 😢