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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner gets grumpy with baby

70 replies

Saju1 · 19/09/2022 20:09

Baby is 4 months old.

I have all the patience for my baby, but when my partner looks after her, he always ends up angry, says that our baby doesn't love him, I always hear him shout 'enough!' at her.. etc

I've asked him to stop, but he says that I Molly koddle our baby and that's why I find him being "mean" to our baby.

I think he has issues, he says he doesn't.

AIBU?

OP posts:
theonlygirl · 19/09/2022 20:42

Being nice to a pregnant woman is very different to caring for a baby. He didn't want children. Has he done any reading to educate himself on how to care for a child? If not he needs to fast or take some classes. I would also not leave him unsupervised with the baby. This is how babies get shaken and die. Please be careful.

Meyouandmine · 19/09/2022 20:46

The best thing you can do, for both you and your baby, is to get as far away from this man as you can.

CakeMonster1 · 19/09/2022 20:47

Pack his stuff and show him the door.

Angry at a 4 month old baby? Wtf? What will he be like when baby turns into a toddler with sticky fingers everywhere and tantrums?

This isn't healthy and it's alarming. Please take baby far away from him before the shouting and anger turns into physical harm.

Crunchingleaf · 19/09/2022 20:51

OP this is a very troubling situation. It sounds like he didn’t want to be a dad and now finds himself trapped in a situation he doesn’t want to be in so is taking it out on the baby. What does he say when you try to talk about it?
4 month old babies cry because it’s their only way to communicate their needs. The baby will pick up on anger and it will upset them even more.

MsDogLady · 19/09/2022 20:58

This twisted abuser is terrorizing your innocent 4 month old daughter. You must protect her and get away from him.

KM99 · 19/09/2022 21:03

Your baby is in danger. This could very likely escalate into physical harm. Please never let him be alone and start planning to get away from him. Do you have family who can help you?

hayley013 · 19/09/2022 21:12

Get rid of him, he's a danger

hayley013 · 19/09/2022 21:13

I heard something very similar, then the baby became a toddler, and now, well, he's not allowed anywhere near them

AnxietyForever · 19/09/2022 21:13

Oh my gosh! Please leave him, this will only get worse!!!

Stickworm · 19/09/2022 21:16

Does he understand that the only way babies can communicate is by crying? Shouting enough at her isn’t going to remove whatever need she has. I wouldn’t want a man like this anywhere near my baby, sorry op 💐

newjobwhodisperhaps · 19/09/2022 21:36

It's so worrying when you get a thread like this, these sorts of the red flags are the things people ignore and then you get horrific headlines of shaken babies.

AnyFucker · 19/09/2022 21:38

Where have you gone, op

fifi1989 · 19/09/2022 22:08

My daughter is 4 months old and reading this made me feel awful. Your poor baby.

fifi1989 · 19/09/2022 22:08

Please do not leave her alone with him again.

TabithaTittlemouse · 19/09/2022 22:11

I wouldn’t have anyone in my child’s life that thinks it’s okay to shout at a 4 month old baby. That’s not okay.

Protect your daughter.

BowiesJumper · 19/09/2022 22:12

God, imagine what he’ll be like with her and she’s 2 and having a tantrum, or 5 and arguing back. Terrifying.

TabithaTittlemouse · 19/09/2022 22:12

Btw, it’s not molly coddling. It’s parenting.

Abouttimemum · 19/09/2022 22:22

It’s literally impossible to ‘mollycoddle’ a 4 month old baby! Wow, he needs some urgent parenting help or it’ll be chaos when she’s a tantrumming toddler

KentuckyDerbyandJoan · 19/09/2022 22:23

LTB he is being abusive.

Comedycook · 19/09/2022 22:25

This is terrifying. Never ever leave him alone with her, please.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/09/2022 22:25

He doesn’t want his daughter/ don’t leave them alone together, in fact move on from him altogether

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 19/09/2022 22:26

Leave him. He doesn't love your baby and he didn't want her anyway. Leave him, pursue CMS, don't pursue contact. You will probably all be better off.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 19/09/2022 22:29

You cannot "spoil" a baby.

Leave the man

Noiamnotshe · 19/09/2022 22:33

Get rid of him now or leave now with your child it is 110% not Normal to behave like that towards a child let alone an innocent baby he has no understanding whatsoever he is dangerous and abusive and your baby is at risk get out now

wackamole · 19/09/2022 22:52

... when my partner looks after her, he always ends up angry, says that our baby doesn't love him...

He's 50% responsible for a tiny helpless human and THIS is what's on his mind?

Allow me to translate your partner's comments from Fuckwit to English: "ME ME ME MEEEEEEEE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!"

He probably has larger problems than "just" the baby (to be honest, it sounds like you barely know him).