Can’t tolerate my child

[Witssend]

Sorry not sure where to even start with this 😫

My 7 year old has become unbearable. Constant answering back, not doing as she’s told, everything has to be an argument with her, bullying younger siblings, doesn’t care about any punishments I try to enforce. She screams at me even attacking me sometimes.

Its got to the point now in the rare moments she is being nice that I can’t even stand to be around her (I’m trying not to show this to her obviously)

The worst thing is she is an absolute angel at school have always had glowing reports from teachers about how she is a lovely child etc so I know she can behave.

Not sure why I am even posting this maybe if anyone has been in a similar situation with their child and can offer any advice please I am at breaking point 😭

Not saying it is or isn't ASD, but you could have a word with the school. It maybe they are seeing things in school which aren't quite at the level where they'd talk to you. If you add in what's happening at home they may have suggestions that are helpful or may be able to signpost you to someone who can help.

I know it sounds hard but hear me out, my daughter absolutely loves playing Minekraft on my Ipad, I've let her build up several bonds and attachments to many aspects of this game that I dont understand. Anyway once the dissidence started, no more minekraft and it was simple as that.

It might be time to start throwing your toys out the pram.

It sounds like your child is going through their wind up phase early. When mine was being a little bastard at around 9, I really couldn't stand to be around him.

Trying to treat him like an adult and having an honest discussion about his behavior didn't work, probably because he was 9.

What helped me and my partner was leaving him on his own for extended periods of time without much of anything to do. After a few hours of throwing tantrums and screaming on his own he'd settle down and stop being so unbearable around the house.

I also find a few drops of CBD oil in his juice helps a lot! wonderful stuff.

Wow.. this is my 7.5yr old daughter lately too.
Im not the most patient person at the best of times and I have literally lost my s**t at her a couple of times. If she were a bit older I’d say almost hormonal 🤷‍♀️😂

Glad to see some saying they experienced similar at this age cos I have been desperately hoping it’s a phase!

I dont agree with quite a few of the messages posted. Both my kids went through difficult phases. We focussed on being clear on expectations, rewarding good behaviour, and trying not to be too controlling with our kids.

I think often we want to ensure we are in control, and do things automatically. I started changing things so my automatic response was yes rather than no. Also I tried to give more control to my kids - I felt like when my control level had not adjusted to their age things went awry. Things like bedtimes, choices of clothing and tv etc.

I also found spending time with each child was really important - maybe baking or going for a walk or to the playground. Ask her what she would like to do with you - it might be something you can't stand, but take photos, rave about it to your partner in front of her, tell her how much you enjoyed it etc.

I doubt she has autism. I bet she feels displaced. Annoyed with younger siblings, perhaps not getting enough unbroken sleep at night, certainly not getting the attention she needs, being limited in what she can do at home 'because of the baby' and so on. These feelings shouldn't be dismissed as 'jealousy', 7 year olds don't have the emotional intelligence to understand much beyond a sense of being pushed out.

The whole brain child by Daniel Siegel
The explosive child by Ross Greene
both really good books. Also learning to co regulate and facilitate emotional regulation when she’s pushing your buttons. Definitely try and do things with just her and point out all the positives you can. Try and create opportunities for positive feedback when with siblings. When you react or it goes wrong make it clear and model repair. I’m not saying all this because I do it perfectly these are just key things that I find help. Also have 3 dc. Oldest likely ASD awaiting further assessment and middle one ADHD so emotional regulation features heavily. Oldest especially is perfectly behaved at school. Not saying that’s relevant to your daughter at all as my NT child is a feisty one and I probably find it easiest with the middle one as I get what’s happening more intuitively.