Have decided after years of misery married to an on off addict and history of physical and emotional abuse that I need to get out. It’s been a long road. His addictions led to physical abuse on multiple occasions. He’s drinking daily again and goes out coming home early hours of the morning. I’ve voiced the pain this causes me and pleaded with him to get professional help but he thinks I’m a party pooper ruining his fun. He’s never really taken responsibility for this family and when he gets like this he withdraws financial support and leaves me to foot the bill for everything on very little income as I work part time so I can be available for the school run.
I’ve had enough and can’t do this anymore. It’s awful for the children to witness and I’m miserable. We’ve both decided he won’t change (he refuses to acknowledge his problems). Problem is he owns the house and another house. Money he received after a compensation pay out for an accident that happened before we got together. Meant to be loss of earnings but he works full time. He got the money once we got together. He bought the family home for us to live in. We’ve got multiple children together now. Married for 7 years together 10.
ive just calmly sat him down and said that we need ti be amicable for the children and come to arrangements over where we will live, what assets will go where etc. He says his compensation is strictly his in the eyes of the law. He has just angrily got right in my face again and shouted I’m a money grabber showing my true colours because I said marital assets are split 50/50 to start and then go from there. I would do the lions share of the childcare. I assume he’d have them on alternate weekends and half the holidays. I think he’ll be ok with that. He has lots of family local. I have no family local so would most likely move nearer to family about an hour away. He says he will sell the family home and I would buy a house to live in while the children grow up then he’d get it all back again afterwards. I personally feel I’m entitled to something but wonder am I being totally unreasonable? Does the law support me to be left with something as I won’t be able to afford to buy something myself whilst I’m raising our children? I realise I need to get solicitor advice. He says I don’t need ti because he already knows I’ll get nothing. He’s also refusing to move out while we go through the divorce. I honestly feel uncomfortable living with him during this process due to the history. If anyone could offer me some advice or reassurance. The future looks bleak really and he’s such a selfish angry person.
AIBU?
to think it’s standard for marital assets to be split fairly
Kiwistar · 18/09/2022 17:11
Am I being unreasonable?
48 votes. Final results.
POLLKangarooKenny · 18/09/2022 17:21
Don’t discuss anything any more. Speak to a solicitor and put it in their hands.
KangarooKenny · 18/09/2022 17:23
I wouldn’t mention moving away yet either.
mewkins · 18/09/2022 17:27
Does he own the two houses outright? I imagine a decent solicitor could get you and the kids one of the houses to live in. The judge will be concerned with both of you being housed (and the kids of course) and it sounds like this is entirely possible from what you have. And a mesher agreement would not be needed in that case. As others have said, see a solicitor and don't engage with him. He is probably angry as realises you will indeed get half (at least).
Pessismistic · 18/09/2022 17:28
Sorry your going through this op but I would be more bothered about leaving the kids with him. The reason you are going because he's drinking and not taking responsibility for his family I would get advice on this first and get the police involved if he's abusive to you. Your kids will still be miserable when you let him have them. Good luck .
ReluctantCourier · 18/09/2022 17:33
Has he ever been to a Gp or had any police involvement addiction wise? You can raise it in mediation but for a court to take any notice you’d usually need some 3rd party documentation of it unless he admit it’s (which is not impossible of course)
Kiwistar · 18/09/2022 17:29
Yes he does own them outright. He has tenants in the other house which is much smaller.
mewkins · 18/09/2022 17:27
Does he own the two houses outright? I imagine a decent solicitor could get you and the kids one of the houses to live in. The judge will be concerned with both of you being housed (and the kids of course) and it sounds like this is entirely possible from what you have. And a mesher agreement would not be needed in that case. As others have said, see a solicitor and don't engage with him. He is probably angry as realises you will indeed get half (at least).
Kiwistar · 18/09/2022 18:39
I’m wondering if compensation is legally protected?
Bzzz · 18/09/2022 18:50
You need legal advice, not the advice of mumsnet. Most people (i suspect including all those commenting above) have never been in a situation where compensation including future loss of earnings has been awarded. This isnt the standard situation which people commenting think it is. Being unable to work (and clearly medical experts have stated he is unable to continue his previous role in full/will be disadvantage on the labour market etc) is very different to having received an inheritance.
Get legal advice as any advice you get from other sources is likely to wrong and that will only harm your next steps, not help.
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