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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Seeing the world in HD - distressing

83 replies

Adviceplease991 · 18/09/2022 15:56

I dont know if any one feels like this / if it is maturing or its my own life expierence or what?
but at certain times in my life I feel like I see the bullshit of situations in all their accuracy and no one else does. I sometimes want to scream!! I had a childhood in trauma and poverty and I wonder if its caused some sort of change in my brain where I can predict the outcome of things without all the smoke and glitter as a trauma response?

examples from the past 7 days…

at a wedding and see a ‘happy couple’ - he is acting the doting DP and he entirely avoids me. Because he knows I know he slept with my friend ‘for a bet’ with a group of guy friends and included getting to know her daughter in that. So I know he is a pig. Everyone else including his partner appears to think he is a professional nice guy. I spend the wedding knowing what a class act he is where everyone else is taken in by his status and grin. I told one of the girls why I refused to speak to him and she gasped. I told her when I first met him at work he was an utter slimeball.

seen a friends partner on a dating app as a ‘just joined’ - I told her and she said he would never do that and he said I was ‘causing trouble’. From the second I met him I knew from his eye contact he was trouble - the hairs on my arms stood up.

had a second date this weekend where he tried to get me back to his flat afterwards; I immediately realised he was a chancer and thats all he was after from the get go and felt a bit sick as I got in my taxi as he was trying to protray the opposite. my friend said to not be dramatic and he seemed nice. As I predicted to her he did send me a wishy washy thanks but no thanks message the next day.

my friend called me yesterday to tell me her relationship of two years was ending as she found out he was married abroad already - I already suspected this could be the case when she met him when she first mentioned it to me on the phone. I thought he is married - despite it all being good things she is saying about him.

I have multiple other examples of consistently predicting the outcome of situations with very little evidence. It makes life very uncomfortable seeing through the bullshit. I am exhausted.

Is anyone else like this?
Should I give up my day job and become a professional psychic?

OP posts:
HarpicHarpy · 18/09/2022 16:00

You're not psychic op, you're just extremely pessimistic and seek out the negative in every situation. It's confirmation bias. Totally understandable after a childhood of trauma and poverty. I've been there myself and know how hard it is. It's a way of protecting yourself from anymore hurt and disappointment.

Isaidnoalready · 18/09/2022 16:02

Confirmation bias don't spread it around

Original poster
Adviceplease991 · 18/09/2022 16:03

HarpicHarpy · 18/09/2022 16:00

You're not psychic op, you're just extremely pessimistic and seek out the negative in every situation. It's confirmation bias. Totally understandable after a childhood of trauma and poverty. I've been there myself and know how hard it is. It's a way of protecting yourself from anymore hurt and disappointment.

but its not negative - its the truth of the situation? Should I have therapy to change it?

OP posts:
Sunnyqueen · 18/09/2022 16:04

Yeah no. You are just making educated guesses that anyone who is remotely intuitive could make. Nothing in your op jumps out as could be special or different to loads of people.

HarpicHarpy · 18/09/2022 16:09

Adviceplease991 · 18/09/2022 16:03

but its not negative - its the truth of the situation? Should I have therapy to change it?

Show quote history

Yes, therapy would be the first step. I can't afford therapy so have to just read everything I can on trauma, depression, psychology, etc. Yoga, mindfulness and meditation helps. Seeing the joy in the little things.

Those examples you gave were obviously bad situations but they were all relationship based. What makes you happy besides a romantic relationship? Travel, cooking, animals, books, fitness? I had a horrible relationship 4 years ago that absolutely broke me and the world was a bleak place. I'm single 4 years now and life has never been better.

AllAloneInThisHouse · 18/09/2022 16:12

You just see what is and are not afraid to see it.
Most people avoid reality.
I don’t know if it has to do with your trauma, but it sounds like you have dealt with it - by this I mean you don’t deny what has happened and found a way to live your life.
This may have given you to strength to see the world/people as is, because you don’t hide or deny things.

Grapefaced · 18/09/2022 16:14

I think your own experiences probably play a part in it. Unfortunately, my work means on a daily basis I see all of the horrible things people have done. To their own kids, families and partners. Even 'good' people do horrid things. I know shit happens and don't pretend that it doesn't. Even in 'Nice' areas and 'Good' homes. I don't expect everyone to do bad things. But when the signs are there, it is clear as day.

Original poster
Adviceplease991 · 18/09/2022 16:17

AllAloneInThisHouse · 18/09/2022 16:12

You just see what is and are not afraid to see it.
Most people avoid reality.
I don’t know if it has to do with your trauma, but it sounds like you have dealt with it - by this I mean you don’t deny what has happened and found a way to live your life.
This may have given you to strength to see the world/people as is, because you don’t hide or deny things.

I think this is what it is!
it makes me want to scream!
I see bullying within groups of friends, exclusion at the workplace, marriages which are based on using the other for benefit (money mostly) but when I bring it up to people they look at me like I am mad.

OP posts:
Fairislefandango · 18/09/2022 16:18

Maybe you are more than averagely perceptive, but that would go for a lot of other people too. Maybe you just look out for and dwell on these things more than most other people because of your past. Or maybe almost everyone else is actually spotting these things- how would you know if they didn't tell you? Or maybe you're just a pessimist. Of course there are sone bad people and bad situations. That doesn't mean everything is shit!

Original poster
Adviceplease991 · 18/09/2022 16:18

Grapefaced · 18/09/2022 16:14

I think your own experiences probably play a part in it. Unfortunately, my work means on a daily basis I see all of the horrible things people have done. To their own kids, families and partners. Even 'good' people do horrid things. I know shit happens and don't pretend that it doesn't. Even in 'Nice' areas and 'Good' homes. I don't expect everyone to do bad things. But when the signs are there, it is clear as day.

My work is similar (health care) and i see similar _ I have done it 10-11 years and I wonder if it also plays a role it seeing the ‘other side’ of life

OP posts:
butterfliedtwo · 18/09/2022 16:19

Grapefaced · 18/09/2022 16:14

I think your own experiences probably play a part in it. Unfortunately, my work means on a daily basis I see all of the horrible things people have done. To their own kids, families and partners. Even 'good' people do horrid things. I know shit happens and don't pretend that it doesn't. Even in 'Nice' areas and 'Good' homes. I don't expect everyone to do bad things. But when the signs are there, it is clear as day.

Agree with this.

You just see things as they are, OP. You don't need therapy for that, IMO. But you do need to think about who you tell - most people don't like being told the truth about partners, for example, as you have discovered.

Original poster
Adviceplease991 · 18/09/2022 16:23

butterfliedtwo · 18/09/2022 16:19

Agree with this.

You just see things as they are, OP. You don't need therapy for that, IMO. But you do need to think about who you tell - most people don't like being told the truth about partners, for example, as you have discovered.

Show quote history

Yep. They dont
its worse at weddings
i have sat through two where I have felt physically sick at the guy she is marrying - and he is prancing around
all of these guys avoid me - I think they know I know so could never be manipulated by them. i know i instinctively many men would give me a wide berth due to this (have been told this ad verbatim by men in the past)

in many ways it is good but it makes for a lonely life

OP posts:
maddy68 · 18/09/2022 16:29

Adviceplease991 · 18/09/2022 16:03

but its not negative - its the truth of the situation? Should I have therapy to change it?

Show quote history

It is negative.

It's the way your mind set is currently. All the happy couples that are at a wedding and you identified someone that is a bit of a shit and concentrated on that. Not the others etc.

Original poster
Adviceplease991 · 18/09/2022 16:33

maddy68 · 18/09/2022 16:29

It is negative.

It's the way your mind set is currently. All the happy couples that are at a wedding and you identified someone that is a bit of a shit and concentrated on that. Not the others etc.

Show quote history

See what you mean
they were the one couple out of the other 30 who had decent dps

OP posts:
WonderingWanda · 18/09/2022 16:55

I think having negative experiences in your life but coming out the other side can make you more self sufficient, less trusting and gullible or needy to rely on another person and I think it's that which can make you see through the charade with some people. Not all people who go through trauma end up like this, some go the other way they don't process rhe trauma and lurch from one catastrophe to the other hoping someone else will save them.

HoneyIShrunkThePizza · 18/09/2022 16:59

I think most of us see and predict these things, e.g. dodgy guy probably already married, but no one speaks up because without evidence you'll just be seen as a shit stirrer and ultimately be marginalised yourself rather than the bastard.

Original poster
Adviceplease991 · 18/09/2022 17:55

HoneyIShrunkThePizza · 18/09/2022 16:59

I think most of us see and predict these things, e.g. dodgy guy probably already married, but no one speaks up because without evidence you'll just be seen as a shit stirrer and ultimately be marginalised yourself rather than the bastard.

I guess so - Mind you I never spoke up so perhaps others did think that way

OP posts:
AllAloneInThisHouse · 18/09/2022 19:08

I do have to laugh at the suggestions to get theraphy if you say cheater is a cheater!

I mean, c’mon!

I don’t think it’s negative or that op is, it’s just reality, sometimes it is quite 💩(ignore that the emoji is smiling)

Pinkbonbon · 19/09/2022 10:46

I don't see a negative mindset, just someone that has a good radar for assholes and assholery. Thers a lot of shitty ppl around. Handy thing to spot it early.

Of course its important to remember there are good people in this world too. Sometimes when there's been a lot of jerks in a short space of time it can put us in a mindset of thinking the planets populated by nothing but.

SimonAndGarthsUncle · 19/09/2022 10:49

You sound a bit nuts tbh

  • Nobody is “psychic” or “can predict the future” or “sense things” or anything else like
  • Keep out of other peoples personal business
Original poster
Adviceplease991 · 19/09/2022 10:52

SimonAndGarthsUncle · 19/09/2022 10:49

You sound a bit nuts tbh

  • Nobody is “psychic” or “can predict the future” or “sense things” or anything else like
  • Keep out of other peoples personal business

Thanks I predicted I would get a response like this 😂😂

OP posts:
whenwillthemadnessend · 19/09/2022 10:57

It's intuitive skills you have.

I have them too. I see dodgy people and particularly men a mile off.

Some of my friends are agast when stuff happens but I knew all along.

Are you Pisces?

OneTC · 19/09/2022 10:57

You probably don't notice all the times you're wrong. Most people who think they've got great instincts have just got really selective memories.

MumKnowsBetterThanYou · 19/09/2022 11:08

Your not a psychic. All these situations involve you seeing the worst in men in relationships, there’s an obvious pattern which is probably borne of your own feelings. You may want to examine your own negative feelings about men or relationships in general perhaps.

In truth you have no idea if people are trouble from eye contact (not unless their eyes tell you they’re insanely high), a man trying to sleep with you on the second date is not evidence of him being terrible and sleazy - many happy couples sleep with each other early.
And your friend who married the guy who met her because of a bet he could sleep with her? Yeah he’s immature - but how do you know that he doesn’t genuinely love her and just met her in a stupidly immature guy way? For all you know they may turn out to be the happiest couple you know.

You have developed a habit of seeing the worst in relationships and me and I think you should try to break it, because it’s probably a real downer to be around.

user1471457751 · 19/09/2022 11:10

Have you considered that the woman at the wedding gasped because you were slagginh off the groom at his own wedding - perhaps she was shocked a guest could be so bloody rude.