to expect people on buses to keep their comments to themselves?

[Lazylou]

DD and I went out today to do some shopping. DD is almost 4 and I am 22 weeks pg. We were sitting on the seats on the bus that give priority for those 'less able to stand' so I felt we were ok to be sitting there. I don't normally let DD take up a whole seat to herself, I find it is not necessary when she (normally) fits easily on my lap, particularly if the bus is packed.

But today, the bus was packed, there is little room for DD to sit on my lap so I left her where she was. An older lady and gentleman got onto the bus, shot DD and I a filthy look and then preceeded to mutter for the whole duration of the ride about kids sitting on chairs when they could sit on 'the mother's knee'. They were standing just behind us and were hardly keeping their voices down. I then started talking to DD loudly about the baby and shifting about in my seat a bit just to make a point as I am too much of a coward to say anything to them.

What really irks me is I would normally stand for older people on buses, even when there are younger people on them. I just got wound up that I felt the comments were being aimed at us when there were plenty of other people who could have offered their seats.

Can I just add, that this has nothing to do with the thread about kids giving up their seats at the swimming lesson. Actually, reading that thread reminded me of today so I thought I would ask AIBU?

I just replied to the swimming lesson post and think in your case too your dd should have stayed where she was. I am going to start another thread with my trauma as don't want to hijack yours. I just wish people wouldn't mutter and say straight to your face!

I would have told dd to stand to let one of them sit down. No excuse for them being so rude but a nearly 4 yr old is well able to stand for a bus journey.

Fair enough Carmenere! I suppose I should have done that in hindsight, but the bus was packed and people were bundling through the doors... Guess I was worried she would get swept away in the crowd

Two issues here. First of all, the seats. I'm not at all sure about the "children should sit down for older people" idea. It's initially attractive, but isn't it saying that children are intrinsically worth less than adults? Of course they should give up a seat to someone who has real difficulty standing, but then so should anyone, regardless of the ages involved. So without knowing the people involved, can't comment on your situation.

As regards the comments. Yes, they were bloody rude. In fact, I think I'd have decided that such rudeness forfeited the respect which, it might be argued, entitled them to a seat.

Incidentally, when I travel by train with The Boy I have no problem with him taking up a seat, even if it's crowded. Although he's under 5, he does have a ticket - for the Family Railcard discount - and so I think he is fully entitled to sit. Or, to put it another way, I am fully entitled not to have him sitting on me!

i was once sitting down on one of those seats at 40 weeks pregnant, on my way to appointment ay hospital and this old person came on and shot my a filthy look. i said 'i suppose you want the seat', she said yes, i got up and revealed my huge preg belly and she was really embaressed and offered the seat back. i politely refused, but there were teenagers sitting nearby and no one offered me a seat so i hung onto the poles for the rest of the journey

Were the 'older' lady and gentleman 'less able to stand' than you and your daughter?

I think its an "older generation" thing. I get the bus twice a day into town for work adn the elderly people never cease to amaze me.
When i get on the bus, it's usually quiet, and I get a seat, then a lot of students get on, and on a Monday its also a lot of old people. Some of the old people have been really nasty and rude especially to the students, one actually threatened a student with her walking stick, and only backed down when another man said he would call the police. they can also be rude to people with suitcases "imagine carrying a suitcase ont eh bus", people with crutches "wellI'm not moving, they are probably fake anyway", people with pushchairs "oh here we go again, mums who think the world owes them everything, well I'm not moving", people with children "can't they shut them up, my child never cried like that"
At the bus station waiting for the bus to come back, they crowd round the bay where the bus parks, but if anyone dares to sit on the benches, they come charging ove rnad say "That's for old people, get up". Then moan becasue everyone gets on the bus before them. One old lady told me I shouldn't have got off the bus before her becasue she ahd got on before me!

if the bus was packed i wouldnt let my dd 3 stand, i have done it once and she was crushed and jostled.

I won't let my DD who is 4 stand on the bus as I don't feel it is safe. and I don't like her on my lap (neither does she).

So we tend to sit nearer the back where the seats are higher so she can see out of the window.

If the only seats are at the front of the bus that is where we sit.

If someone elderly gets on then I tend to offer my seat and stand up but tell DD to stay seated.

I can't say what I would do if pregnant tbh as not been in that position (pregnant and child)

I do know what you mean about being a coward about saying anything though!

Blimey - where do you people live? I get the bus about once a week and everyone falls over themselves to offer seats/let other people on first/smile indulgently at my children who argue over who should sit by the window. But I'm not in a city.

I do think that young children are better off to be sat down unless someone really does need a seat and no one else offers. My children would lose their balance/fall over/get scared if squashed up by a crowd of tall fully grown adults whilst they are almost being trampled. I guess they reach an age where they can/should stand if necessary but certainly not before school age.

I am sure there was plenty of seats where other people could have stood up for them!
And dont the picture that says 'please offer these seats to those who are less able to stand' show a picture of a mother and child sitting and person with stick standing!

I mean when i was pregant with ds2 (about 6 months) i had to stand on a packed bus full of stuck up city workers and ds1 was 2 at the time, and he had to stand as well. And i nearly collasped because it was to packed!

I did not expect people to give me a seat when i was pregnant, but at least offer 1 to a young child because people do not acknowledge them there and they get pushed and shoved on the bus and could end up hurt

You are very good for not saying anything (as i know what my mouth is like and it would have been going!), but maybe next time you should say that your seat is not the only seat on the bus!!! I bet that will shut the grumpy old farts up!

well, i may sound bad, but if i was 6 months pregnant again and had my 2 year old sat on my lap, i would not stand up to give this person my seat, there is pleanty of other seats on the bus, so go pick on one of them!
Would anyone else do this, or am i just being a wicked person?

that sign is NOT showing that if you are a mother and child you should give your seat t an old person - it's saying that seat is for all of the above.

I think the big problem here (and all the other "seating issues" is COMMUNICATION!

if the old people want a seat and you can't give up yours (for very valid reasons), then turn to the epople behind and ask them if they would mind getting up for the moaning minnies!

I regularly ask other people to get up for pregnant women when I'm standing on public transport in London as I know people always feel embarassed about asking for some reason...

At 22 weeks pregnant I had room for my 4 yo to it on my lap.

Message withdrawn

To sit on my lap.

They were a little rude to mutter though.

oh no chequers, how embarassing, there was no need for the silly cow to do that
I was always told 'treat others how you wish to be treated' and it was the best peice of advice i have ever been given!

(now sitting here imaging what the silly old cow would have done if she was standing holding onto poll like chequers, meandboys pushes her flying!)- i can be so evil sometimes

Oh FFS, since when has being old been an illness?? There are more and more threads on here everyday about old people being rude and abusive. Of course they arnt all like that, but it seems a lot are. Just because the people on the bus were old, it doesnt mean that they HAD bad legs, hips or anything, they may very well be fit and healthy, and just being over a certain age SHOULDNT entitle you to a seat! I started a thread on here the other day after being verbally attacked by a very rude old man. On your 60th birthday, I doubt very much that you get a licence through the door saying 'Licence to be rude and unthoughful to whom ever you wish.' They arnt all like this, some are lovely, I know plenty, but Jesus, its amazing sometimes at their rudeness!

"Oh FFS, since when has being old been an illness??"
But surely people don't have to declare their infirmities to get a seat on a bus, do they?

I think the elderly people described in the OP were passive aggressive, but so is half the population.

Perhaps one or both of them had genuine difficulties on standing up for any length of time - in which case, were their comments to each other really that bad?

The OP didn't respond to them directly, but still made her point - which is exactly what the old people did!

I would have sat my child on my lap so one of them could sit down.

I couldn't have got dd on my lap on a bus at 22 weeks pregnant I was the size of a small country already.
I also wouldn't let 4 year old dd stand on a bus unless it really couldn't be avoided. She would probably muck about anyway but she would get crushed, and probably not have the stretngth to hang onto the pole properly.

On our buses the ones you can take your buggy on, the sign say buggies have priority unless a wheelchair comes on as there are other seats at the front that the elderly can use.