to expect people on buses to keep their comments to themselves?

[Lazylou]

DD and I went out today to do some shopping. DD is almost 4 and I am 22 weeks pg. We were sitting on the seats on the bus that give priority for those 'less able to stand' so I felt we were ok to be sitting there. I don't normally let DD take up a whole seat to herself, I find it is not necessary when she (normally) fits easily on my lap, particularly if the bus is packed.

But today, the bus was packed, there is little room for DD to sit on my lap so I left her where she was. An older lady and gentleman got onto the bus, shot DD and I a filthy look and then preceeded to mutter for the whole duration of the ride about kids sitting on chairs when they could sit on 'the mother's knee'. They were standing just behind us and were hardly keeping their voices down. I then started talking to DD loudly about the baby and shifting about in my seat a bit just to make a point as I am too much of a coward to say anything to them.

What really irks me is I would normally stand for older people on buses, even when there are younger people on them. I just got wound up that I felt the comments were being aimed at us when there were plenty of other people who could have offered their seats.

Can I just add, that this has nothing to do with the thread about kids giving up their seats at the swimming lesson. Actually, reading that thread reminded me of today so I thought I would ask AIBU?

When we lived in Elgin I once got up on a crowded bus to offer my seat to a very pregnanat wopman, she glowered at me and said "I'm pregnant, not disabled". SO she stood - all the way to inverness!
Like I said in my earlier post, elderly poeple can be quite rude

Have to say -- I find older people ruder than yoofs.

Countless examples of this but won't bore you.

Its just such a shame that people are generally so inconsiderate and looking for a moan. And people forget that it IS a struggle every day managing youngsters, esp if pregnant too.

Tell me about it ... I live in a first floor apartment in a swanky building with only 4 apartments in the building. The guy in the top apartment has sent me letters, sent the fire office a letter and sent me a solicitors letter about having my pushchair in the lobby. I kid you not.

I wonder if he would do the same if it were a wheelchair/zimmerframe etc.

And he is in his 60s

thebecster - I had the same problem when I was pregnant. I used to use the bus to go to my midwife appointments (drove everywhere else because I couldn't get a seat on the bus)and was only ever offered a seat by women - or men who weren't British.

YANBU - as I don't think 3 year olds are safe to stand on the bus.

I'm a bit surprised at all the oldie-bashing - up in Liverpool the old folks are fine, it's the teens who piss me off, playing their phones/mp3 players at full volume.

Not unreasonable!i travel bus daily and am disapointed at passengers reluctance to vacate the designanted buggy soace and have heard the bloody-women-bloody-buggies speech ad infinitum

buses have a designated space able bodied othre passenegs can go up stairs, stand at back, or in aisle a buggy cannot. the space is designated for a reason, namely buggies can not go anywhere else

and why when there were other passengers who could offer seats to frail and those in need it always seems to be mums and buggies who get the stare and the tut

DonnyLass -is the hall space not communal for all residents?i imagine as long as your pram does not block door/fire exit what is the problem! unreasonable neighbour

you do get conflict between wheelchair users and mums with push-chairs. The amount of times the bus driver has had to ask a woman to fold their buggy to let dd's wheelchair go in the wheelchair space is unbelievable and then the mum will bitch and complain as to why dd should even be allowed on the bus as its the only bus each hour with a designated wheelchair space and it should be for mums.
But quite often old ladies will have parked their shopping trolleys in it and wont move for anything.
Being a mum I hate conflicting with other mums but wheelchairs do not fold, dd cannot stand or sit or hold her head up and needs the support and whatever faff it is, pushchairs do fold.
But I've given up and am getting a motability car.

needmorecoffee - I'm that people (especially other mothers!) complain about a wheelchair - what's the matter with people these days? Makes me very .

Thebecster - I too only ever got a seat on the tube when pg from other women, or non-English men. On one occasion the young Frenchman at the far end of the train who offered me his seat actually berated the other men in the carriage and asked them what was wrong with them that they wouldn't stand up for a pregnant woman! Which was nice.

I think being old does make you a special case but I'm obviously in the minority here.

In general though, think it's only common sense that able-bodied people unencumbered by children, pushchairs or walking sticks should stand up for those that are.

and wheelchairs obviously (sorry needmorecoffee)

In my more unworthy moments, I wonder if some ladies of a certain age get some weird Schadenfreudy kick out of watching pregnant women/those with young children struggling.

I was trying to get off a bus recently & the front wheel fell off the pushchair. (No, no idea why. Hand me down from a cousin, but perfectly OK as far as I knew). So I struggled off with shocked dd under one arm, buggered pushchair under the other, 30odd weeks pg - & a trio of (perfectly able bodied) ladies in their 60s sat there ruddy cackling at me like something out of Macbeth ('Ooooh look! She'll drop that child in a minute! Ha ha hahahaaa!')

Who came & helped me? Another heavily pg woman

Lazylou I think you did the right thing in this case leting you almost 4 year old stay sittng. Camemere i don't think a nearly 4 year old should stand on buses. Bus drivers often drive fast and a small child would find it very dificult to keep their balance.
The older couple were very rude.

The passive-aggressive couple clearly didn't deserve a seat, rude buggers.

But in general I do think elderly people deserve to be offered seats. They are generally more worn out and knackered than younger people. Don't have the same stamina. Of course there are hale and hearty 65 year olds but they are exceptions to the rule. It's a reliable rule of thumb that elderly people are less fit than younger ones unless you have good reason to know different about a specific person.

You definetly did the right thing, I wish you had given them an earful as well!!

I remember finishing my last day at work going on maternity leave (huge) and getting on the full train. No one offered me a seat and I was knackered, I seen a guy looking at me standing then looking around in disbelief at everyone else before leaping up and ushering me into his seat, of course he was foreign, so manners still prevail in some countrys.

I always give my seat up if I can, to anyone elderly, with kids, loads of bags etc. But you were totally in the right.

i hate public transport. I was in premature labour coming back from an appointment at great ormond street with DS1 in his wheelchair and DH. Train packed, was standing. Everyone just bowed their heads and ignored my heavy breathing and struggling to not scream out. DH had to ask a man if I could sit down, and he did give up his seat, but

I always thought the reason young children were expected to give up their seats on buses/trains is because they don't have a ticket. Surely you can see the point of someone who has paid for their ticket thinking they're more entitled to a seat than a child who is riding for free?

(I realise there are exceptions, pg mum's who can't fit kids on lap. having more than one small child etc, what I mean is in general, paying for a ticket gives you more rights over a seat than someone who hasn't paid)

Although I think it's awful when people don't offer seats to heavily pg women, although I got offered seats a couple of times when pg and in London.

YANBU.

People on buses can be so rude

IMO if the bus was that packed, the pensioners should have waited for the next bus, and not boarded this one.

I hurt myself quite badly when I was about as far pg as you. I stood briefly to let someone off the bus. The bus braked hard, and I swung round the pole like a pro. poledancer I hadn't got the strength to stop myself, I sort of followed my bump and it hurt all over for ages.

I have also had issues with the wheelchair space. Dd has mobility problems and uses a large buggy. I have had Mums moan at me because dd is "obviously" big enough to be walking (she's 4), or comments about how big the buggy is

NMC, we got a Motability car last Sept. Hope you get yours sorted out soon.

This 'chn should stand up' business pisses me off.