To ask about council housing?

[Brotherlove]

I'm very sad & confused old member here.
A family member has left her DH taking the children with her. They have been put in B&B or similar, and are saying they will be housed in a few weeks.
I'm confused as there is no DV, the house is jointly owned, children older teens and DH has said come home.
Will the council house them as they think? Or is there no duty on the council as they do own a home?
I think it might vary council to council 🤔 does anyone have any ideas please.
Very sad.

Cheshire
Nobody is saying false accusations don't happen but given that the % of actual DV incidents is way higher than falsehoods don't you think its better that those fleeing DV especially with children are provided with accommodation and support immediately?

They will ask questions. Even the teens living there don't know that she's not being abused. If it's mental abuse and they've grown up with it it could seem normal to them and they wouldn't necessarily view it as abuse. They also may never/rarely hear/see it or not understand nuances of what's said to realise it's abuse. She could be telling the truth. Plenty of abusers are surrounded by friends and family who would never believe it of them unless they witnesses it for themselves. Plenty of victims lose friends and family due to not being believed or people thinking they're exagerating. You think you know everything about this situation but the reality is you could know nothing.

She will have regular visits from a housing officer if you're worrying about her mental health spiralling and nobody being there to notice. In my area it's weekly, though I'm unsure what happens if you don't engage with those visits. Tenancy rules are fairly strict eg no alcohol on the premises, no antisocial behaviour etc and tenants can report bad behaviour to the housing officer, which will be a help in getting it noticed if she starts behaving erratically due to poor MH and causing problems.

I agree with this.

Hmmm .. are you really the 'sad', 'confused' family member.. or are you the 'd'h looking for someone to provide you with a reason as to why she shouldn't get a house, then use it against her.

I say this, because your posts certainly don't come across as a sad, confused, concerned family member. You state absolutely no abuse, the husband is primary carer, does all the household tasks- a great guy, whereas, of course, the women is having a mental health crisis, won't cope on her own, and she shouldn't be re-housed. It's a typical abuse storyline.

If anything the parent has always been fiesty and argumentative, DH laid back.

You need to read Lundy Bancroft.

The way it works with my local council is that homeless families get placed into temporary accommodation, which is usually little self contained flats. Then they get 'priority' on the council housing list and usually get housed within about 3 months.

I had proof of DV, was homeless with ds & the council refused to rehouse me after I left exh, it took 3 months to get priority & they wanted to dump us in the worst shitholes you have ever seen at the other side of the city. Luckily I had 26 years waiting time but it still took 6 months to get a home.

@Greyarea12 that was my first thought too.

"She's feisty and he's laid back"

I was sexually assaulted in public on several occasions, he was sly and nobody saw. To anyone who saw me snapping, raising my voice, being generally cross with him after, but not saying what he'd done because I was embarrassed, while he stood there looking bemused like "here she goes again", making placatory noises and generally acting the victim in every way, I'd have looked like the problem. You see what you see, and you still know absolutely nothing.

Wtf did I just read.

This thread needs to be an education tool about DA.

OP, you have inadvertently managed to describe the abuser's script without even knowing it!

If you actually knew anything about this stuff you would know the following things are TEXTBOOK manipulation of DV perpetrators to get their family/friends on their side, exactly as you have automatically done.

"She's mentally ill, I'm actually really worried about her stability to be honest and her capability to parent the children" used to completely DISCREDIT her and anything she say or does.

"She's really CONTROLLING" Doesn't allow me or the children to do anything, her way goes.

"She has a real temper" I'm scared of her when she is hormonal/has had to much to drink, she loses her SENSES , she's UNSTABLE.

Honestly I could go on but I don't need to, because you've written out all we need to hear already.

You want proof of previous police / women's aid reports. Wtf? If you knew ANYTHING at all about DV you'd never make such an ignorant comment.

You are clearly team him, likely you are one of his flying monkeys (look that up) it isn't your fault though, as abusers are very convincing.

What is your choice though is how you go forward from now. Do you just automatically believe what you've been told? Or do you allow yourself to use your own brain and step back and look objectively?

You have a long way to go.

I definitely had MH issues when I was with my H. Once I left they improved and I’ve had no problems with depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts. Living in an abusive relationship can seriously fuck up both your mental and physical health . Your friend could well be mentally unwell depending on what has been going on. My DB said he was convinced I’d have had a stroke or heart attack from the stress of living with my ex. He also sad he was literally driving me mad.

I think the teens would want to stay in the house with Dad if he was really the one who cared for them and the house and she was the unstable one.

One has returned home, but is being pressured to return so the housing application is not affected. The other is going home every day after school, and being driven to the hostel by the DH at the parents request.
thank you @IndianSummer78 for the helpful response. I hope they are all being looked after properly and getting whatever help they need.

@Nat6999 glad you got out and are safe.
I didn't mean to upset people with 'proof', but clearly some evidence is asked for depending on where you live....eg calls to Womens Aid, police reports etc.
You cannot get a non-molestation or restraining order without evidence and I was thinking maybe it the same.
There is nothing - as stated by both parties.

How old is the teen who has returned home?

but clearly some evidence is asked for depending on where you live....eg calls to Womens Aid, police reports etc.

No its not. If someone presents at the council as fleeing from violence and they first have a duty of care to place them safe. They will then be assigned a housing officer usually one who deals with DV cases. They will also engage other services such as women's aid and social services. Those suffering DV are not expected to provide proof before they are made safe as this defeats the object of encouraging people to leaved DV relationships.

The older teen who does not wish to return to mum will only affect her housing by way of bedroom allocation. It will not stop her being rehoused if the council are supporting her to do that, it could mean a faster move if less bedrooms are needed in some cases.

Teen is 17 and home. Younger teen remains having dinner at home everynight before being taken back to hostel by DH.
Social worker has been assigned yes but only spoken to the parent.
Teen has said 3 nights away is the longest as they would then need to move into a smaller room.
I have seen both teens and they say they are ok but want to remain/be home asap.

Well if they want to stay in the family home then that's what they should do.

Are you the DH OP??

OP whoever you are. This woman doesn't want to be with you/with you brother. She's fleed for whatever reason. So butt the fuck out and let her have her new start. Trying to get around the kids is despicable behaviour.

You can be there years. I worked in a council hostel and temporary accommodation can last years. On some occasions the council would put families in bed and breakfast or hostel accommodation while they were working to determine if there was a duty to house them. The ones deemed not to have a duty to house were expected to leave as soon as the decision was made and referred to alternative accommodation and not prioritised for council housing.

So we have a mum with a mental health issue and a dad who is a primary carer, and older children who are old enough to choose where to live but the DH is letting them live at the B&B? Even though the mum is apparently having a mental health breakdowns.

The number of times I read on here about fathers letting their children be removed by mothers with serious mental health issues who do not take legal steps to protect their children is shocking.

The fact that the OP is more concerned that the mother might be fradulaently claiming DV rather than being more concerned that the DH is not utilising all the legal resources to ensure the safety of his children is shocking.

Who the fuck cares whether she is fraudulenly claiming DV at this point if her mental health is breaking down as you are saying OP. Surely at this point its far more important that she is housed safely than thrown out on the street as happens to far too many people with severe mental health issues.

And at this point I would not be so convonced to say there is no DV on the say so of some scared confused children. Children don't always recognise coercive control or emotional abuse. My Mil was emotionally abused for my DH's entire childhood and he totally bought into his dads narative and only realised the truth when he was in his mid to late 20s

The kids should remain in the family home and parent with care should also reside there. It shouldn't be society's responsibility to house people who already have their own home. Especially during a housing crisis.

In cases of DA, then it's another matter to provide temporary accommodation until an injunction can be obtained to remove the perpetrator from the family home.

She won't be housed. The statutory obligation is fulfilled by the b&b. When they assess for housing the marital home and any savings will be classed as assets and they'll be shifted to private accomodation

Or thats what happens here

a. most people dont want to live in a B&B for months and then potentially be re housed miles away from where they live
b. we do want all abused people to be housed right? We don't want to just chuck abused people out on the streets because they aren't bruised enough, or because they were scared to report it etc
c. we do give a shit right? We are a society that actually cares? Because you are coming across as fairly uncaring in general with this

"relationship breakdown" with or without DV is a reason for becoming homeless and needing a house.

Yes. I’m another one who thinks OP is the DH. Pretty obvious when you read through all the posts they put up on this thread.