Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about council housing?

104 replies

Brotherlove · 17/09/2022 17:19

I'm very sad & confused old member here.
A family member has left her DH taking the children with her. They have been put in B&B or similar, and are saying they will be housed in a few weeks.
I'm confused as there is no DV, the house is jointly owned, children older teens and DH has said come home.
Will the council house them as they think? Or is there no duty on the council as they do own a home?
I think it might vary council to council 🤔 does anyone have any ideas please.
Very sad.

OP posts:
Original poster
Brotherlove · 17/09/2022 19:05

I'm primarily on the kids side 😞
I want mother to be ok, and not be in trouble for not declaring owning property. Of course no-one should be forced to go home if they don't want.
DH isn't perfect of course, but isn't being accused of anything by anyone either.
It is possible for family/friends to care for everyone in this situation.

Thank you for the information posts.

OP posts:
bbcdefg · 17/09/2022 19:07

Even if you own property there are circumstances where you can be given assistance with housing and potentially a council house. One example is in a domestic abuse situation.

passport123 · 17/09/2022 19:09

Brotherlove · 17/09/2022 17:52

You can be in a B&B for months?

Sorry I have no idea tbh. Given her MH I don't think they'd manage that. The DH does all cleaning, cooking, clothes washing, school work etc usually.

Years in many London boroughs

CrossStichQueen · 17/09/2022 19:20

It unlikely that the council are unaware that she owns a property as she would have to provide a fair amount of info.

If she is involved with services then the children's welfare should be paramount to them. When you talk of mums MH issues what exactly do you mean?

BeyondApproach · 17/09/2022 19:24

It's your daughter in law who left your son?

Why does she say she left? Why does your son say she left?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 17/09/2022 19:31

BeyondApproach · 17/09/2022 19:24

It's your daughter in law who left your son?

Why does she say she left? Why does your son say she left?

From the user name , it could be the OPs brother , her sister-in-law and the nieces/nephews

BeyondApproach · 17/09/2022 19:35

Given that they have 'been put in a B&B or similar' they will have been fleeing domestic abuse.

TheHateIsNotGood · 17/09/2022 19:36

The Council will investigate and prob declare that she made herself "intentionally homeless" and discharge their "duty" to provide housing, meanwhile they stay in B&B and not a necessarily nice one either.

Meanwhile, if it really is as you decribe with the DH being primary carer, no Man on Woman DV and DM having MH issues, then your family member needs to get an Emergency Court Order giving him temporary full custody.

The DC love them both so it's really hard to leave the vulnerable parent alone even though they might be messing up.

And the most supportive thing you can do is help the DW get the MH help she needs.

bbcdefg · 17/09/2022 19:37

They won't declare her intentionally homeless if there has been domestic abuse (which can include coercive control)

Chainunderreaction · 17/09/2022 19:38

BeyondApproach · 17/09/2022 19:35

Given that they have 'been put in a B&B or similar' they will have been fleeing domestic abuse.

Not necessarily

Anyone presenting themselves to the council with children will be given emergency accommodation if it's available

They will then asses whether they're intentionally homeless and they'll be given a timeline to leave

It's not a sign she was fleeing abuse that the council gave her emergency accommodation.

TheHateIsNotGood · 17/09/2022 19:40

But there might not have been any DV at all, it's not always the reason some women leave, and a council will provide emergency housing to people with dc before they find the reason for why a family is homeless.

antelopevalley · 17/09/2022 19:51

It depends where they live and where the council house is. There are council houses in Britain that are very hard to let.

Grapewrath · 17/09/2022 19:55

The council have a duty to house her children. They will put them in emergency temporary accommodation while they assess their homelessness application. If there is no DV etc it’s likely they will find the wife intentionally homeless. She will then be expected to return to the family home or rent privately.

cestlavielife · 17/09/2022 20:03

So for whatever reason the mother decided to leave with the dc and ask for acconodation
If she us haVing a mh crisis her dh can give information to her gp but will not know ehat is done with that information
So someone trained can speak to her
She may gave a different story
Maybe a family conference needs to be set up

CrotchetyQuaver · 17/09/2022 20:19

It sounds as if they have been accepted as homeless by the council and are now going through all the processes that involves.

ClocksGoingBackwards · 17/09/2022 20:40

You’re right to be on the side of the children. If there is no DA involved, and the parent that the children have left behind has been their primary carer, I’d be very concerned that they are being pressured to go with their Mum even if they don’t want to. Maybe they think it’s the only way their mum will be housed because without them she won’t be a priority.

If they are happily going to visit their home and have a parent who wants them there, they are not homeless and should not be classed as such.

BeyondApproach · 17/09/2022 22:26

Chainunderreaction · 17/09/2022 19:38

Not necessarily

Anyone presenting themselves to the council with children will be given emergency accommodation if it's available

They will then asses whether they're intentionally homeless and they'll be given a timeline to leave

It's not a sign she was fleeing abuse that the council gave her emergency accommodation.

Show quote history

On what planet exactly?

Original poster
Brotherlove · 02/10/2022 21:38

Thanks to those who gave good advice.
Older teen is now home and refusing to return to the hostel.
Teen reports parent has said there is violence in the home so they cannot return - and a social worker is trying to find new accommodation. Nobody has contacted the DH to ask anything about this.
I asked teen if anyone had asked them about the situation and they said no, it's all done when teens at school/college, including Drs sick notes without taking to a GP themselves (to not go to Saturday job).
Younger teen is still sleeping in the hostel but eating dinner with the DH daily before he drives them back to the hostel - the address of which parent gave DH in order to collect teens and bring requested items back/fire.

There is talk of up to 6 months wait for housing while they are all living in one room. Older Teen is being pressured to return as it will affect their room/application if they stay with the DH.

I abhor violence, but being able to turn up, claim DV with no proof, continue to phone & rely on the DH for everyday tasks and also be rehoused doesn't sit right with me either. Feeling very conflicted!

OP posts:
CrossStichQueen · 02/10/2022 21:53

I abhor violence, but being able to turn up, claim DV with no proof, continue to phone & rely on the DH for everyday tasks and also be rehoused doesn't sit right with me either. Feeling very conflicted!

For thise one incident where you say they are being dishonest I can tell you of 100s where they are not. It's not worth the risk to treat all with suspicion if fleeing violence as that can and does end In loss of life and I am not being dramatic.
I am pleased they have acted quickly and have housed this family along with engaging support services let's face it surely it's better to provide safety first then find out the details later don't you think?

CrossStichQueen · 02/10/2022 21:54

Also what PROOF would you accept?
A black eye?
Bruises?
What proof would a DV victim need to provide in your eyes in order to get help?

Original poster
Brotherlove · 02/10/2022 22:23

I think by proof I mean acknowledgement from the teens living in the home that X or Y was happening.
Phone calls to women's aid/police/ other services previously.
Telling family/friends that there is a problem, or presenting as such.

Absolutely if DV is present then yes get help. Unfortunately this appears to be someone mentally unwell, now stating DV and asking for housing knowing it is the only way to get housed. The teens want to be home with DH and 1 is being refused that request as 'under 16', all they can do is turn up at DH everyday and be driven to the hostel at bedtime.

I'm concerned for the kids, who nobody has actually spoken to.

A few people prepared to tell the lie must slip through nets....not that any nets have arisen so far - it's seemingly easy to get temporary housing. I had no idea.

OP posts:
NewBootsAndRanty · 02/10/2022 22:29

Phone calls to women's aid/police/ other services previously.
Telling family/friends that there is a problem, or presenting as such.
Who has told you that none of these have happened?

victoriacrosshairs · 02/10/2022 22:30

You know that domestic abuse isn't necessarily physical?

altmember · 02/10/2022 22:35

I guess it depends on where you live. She'd have to be claiming DA to be eligible anyway. Round here there is such a shortage of social housing that families are living in Travelodges. The LA have some sort of deal with another LA miles away, so some people are being offered housing housing, but it's 200 miles away in Wales.

Bogasphodel · 02/10/2022 22:36

This 100%