Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Frustrated with "best friend"

59 replies

EdaYildiz · 17/09/2022 14:56

I'm just so annoyed at someone at my so called best friend of 10 years.

We had the typical girly best friend relationship until she got married in 2018, and slowly things changed, nothing that effected our friendship too much, just that she didn't like to talk on the phone anymore at home or doesn't meet up on weekends which I can imagine is because she wants to spend time her with husband.

Yesterday I went to the Queens Lying in State and all she did was LAUGH at me for it and she was not joking but more like I was a joke for even doing it. Thinking about it now I told her my plans to go a couple of days ago and her reply was "don't bow your head at the coffin, what are you going to do that for" and "why do you even like the Queen? She killed Diana".

She messaged me today and asked how it was and I told her it was the best experience of my life and the memories made are priceless and her reply was "Lolll is it" and I'm annoyed that she can't just be a friend and say something like "I'm so happy you were able to do it, well done".

And the more I think about it, I've realised she's constantly "laughing" at me, for things I choose to do/like or just treating me like I'm an an idiot. I'm meeting her on Tuesday and I don't feel like seeing her anymore and right now I just don't want to be her friend.

I can list examples of every time she has made me feel shit but I can honestly with my hand on my heart say I have never not supported her or shown her my love when she needed it - if she did something that I didn't agree with, I would still support her!

AIBU?

OP posts:
Madeintowerhamlets · 17/09/2022 15:01

Sounds like she puts you down a bit to make herself feel superior? She doesn’t sound like a great friend if she makes you feel that way. Does she really think the Queen was involved in killing Diana?

giveovernate · 17/09/2022 15:01

YABU, you sound quite needy and sensitive, do you have ,any other friends?

Things change in life, of course your friend wants to spend time with er husband at the weekends, that's life.

Zone2NorthLondon · 17/09/2022 15:02

ok,your key phrase is she has made me feel like shit. It’s run it’s course , if you’re unhappy just let it drift
no drama, no I want a word, just don’t maintain contact

ManateeFair · 17/09/2022 15:02

You both sound nuts, frankly.

Brefugee · 17/09/2022 15:03

Just stop contacting her, cold turkey. Let her run after you, and just act cool, busy, no time to meet up, "we must grab coffee sometime" and she'll soon stop. Find better friends.

ThisUserNameIsAvailableOk · 17/09/2022 15:04

Ask her why she feels the need to belittle you and try to hurt and ridicule you.

When she tells you to chill out and she's only joking ask her why she feels the need to minimise and ignore the fact you've told her she's hurt you.

When she says you're being dramatic and imagining things ask her why she is being so defensive if what you're saying isn't true.

She needs to take a step back, address her behaviour and sincerely apologise if your friendship is to survive.

Mol1628 · 17/09/2022 15:04

Just let the friendship drift apart. All sounds very juvenile anyway. You’ve outgrown each other.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 17/09/2022 15:06

I don’t think you have much in common tbh. And who needs a ‘friend’ who mocks their emotions?

ilovetomatoes · 17/09/2022 15:07

I’m a bit surprised by some of these replies. I wouldn’t just cut her off immediately. Isn’t it worth a conversation at least before you ditch her entirely? You’ve known her a long time.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 17/09/2022 15:07

giveovernate · 17/09/2022 15:01

YABU, you sound quite needy and sensitive, do you have ,any other friends?

Things change in life, of course your friend wants to spend time with er husband at the weekends, that's life.

Well done for taking the scene setting parts of the post as the main focus and not the fact that her friend takes the piss out of her all the time Hmm

YANBU @EdaYildiz. She doesn’t think the same things are important as you and that’s ok, but it’s not ok to ridicule someone. Personally I think it’s more ridiculous to think the queen killed Diana. Does she wear a tinfoil hat as well?

GoneWithTheWine1 · 17/09/2022 15:11

I would simply say "sorry last minute plans came up for Tuesday need to cancel." Then when she asks in future "sorry I'm busy right now" and phase her out.

She sounds like one of those frienemys.

Original poster
EdaYildiz · 17/09/2022 15:52

@ThisUserNameIsAvailableOk @Madeintowerhamlets @ChiefWiggumsBoy

Thank you for your kind replies - not sure why others couldn't just be nice. We re not immature and I get she wants to speak time with her husband but should I not feel anything for constantly being put down?

And yes! She believes the Queen has something to do with Diana's death because she was racist and that she was also a symbol of colonialism and oppression.

This isn't just about the queen though. It's about a friend just thinking I am a joke - it really hurts because like I said earlier I don't just get for anything she chooses to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
EdaYildiz · 17/09/2022 15:52

Wants to spend time with her husband*

OP posts:
Lovetogarden2022 · 17/09/2022 15:58

I had friends like this from school and now nobody speaks to them! Constantly putting their "friends" down and making fun of what they liked or did. It's really immature and also really mean, but I think it stems from their insecurities.
Find yourself some kind friends x

drpet49 · 17/09/2022 16:03

“She messaged me today and asked how it was and I told her it was the best experience of my life and the memories made are priceless and her reply was "Lolll is it" and I'm annoyed that she can't just be a friend and say something like "I'm so happy you were able to do it, well done".”

I would have rolled my eyes at the best experience and memories part

RedHelenB · 17/09/2022 16:04

Was it really the best experience of your life? I can see where your friend is coming from so If you've nothing in common with this friend best to make some more friends who you can share things like this with. People do nature and change through life.

crackersforcrackers · 17/09/2022 16:07

GoneWithTheWine1 · 17/09/2022 15:11

I would simply say "sorry last minute plans came up for Tuesday need to cancel." Then when she asks in future "sorry I'm busy right now" and phase her out.

She sounds like one of those frienemys.

This is the advice I would give

neverbeenskiing · 17/09/2022 16:08

It sounds like you've grown apart and are fundamentally incompatible now.

pawkins · 17/09/2022 16:08

RedHelenB · 17/09/2022 16:04

Was it really the best experience of your life? I can see where your friend is coming from so If you've nothing in common with this friend best to make some more friends who you can share things like this with. People do nature and change through life.

This.

You sound very far apart. Which is ok. You shouldn’t be upset after speaking to your friend. Your friend shouldn’t be expected to humour your ‘best life experience’.

Adultchildofelderlyparents · 17/09/2022 16:09

She might have been a good best friend ten years ago but people change, friendships evolve. You don't need to keep her as a best friend forever if it's not a healthy relationship for you.
What do you like about her? What do you enjoy together? She might not share your appreciation of the queen for example, but you can still enjoy doing a particular sport/activity/etc with her as a friend of you want to keep her in your life.
(FWIW, I also cherish the experience of visiting lying in state and will remember that forever!)

AuntieDolly · 17/09/2022 16:13

Text her back and tell her she is very rude!

Godsavetheking2022 · 17/09/2022 16:19

You're not being unreasonable to expect your friend to be nice and not make you feel bad/ stupid. She sounds jealous/ snidey. How lovely to be able to take part in a moment of history and value that. Despite my username, I'm neither a monarchist or Republican but I can appreciate that this is a momentous occasion in history.
I would distance myself from a friend if they weren't making me happy.

Ladybyrd · 17/09/2022 16:33

I would go on Tuesday and see how it went but possibly do a slow fade from there. It sounds like she's changed and perhaps you've not got that much in common anymore. I wouldn't draw attention to ending the friendship though. What I would do is call her out on it every time she puts you down though.

N27 · 17/09/2022 16:55

You need to call her out on it. Next time she messages something like that respond with “why are you being like that?”

Highfivemum · 17/09/2022 16:58

If she is your best friend I would hate to see ur enemy. Her behaviour is unkind and patronising. Ditch her