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AIBU?

Head girl at my daughter's school is Head Mistress's daughter.

114 replies

StrawberryPims · 17/09/2022 13:32

Just to be clear my daughter was not in the running and is in a lower year group. It is a primary school, year 6. The new Head Girl is more of an all rounder than an academic. No idea how they make these decisions, but, regardless feel that there is a massive conflict on interest. AIBU?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

613 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
48%
You are NOT being unreasonable
52%
StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 17/09/2022 13:34

Head girl is pretty meaningless at that age. How is the head girl chosen?

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 17/09/2022 13:36

Is it a classmates vote?

Do you think that the child should not be able to openly celebrate any achievements or accolades because she the heads daughter?

spirit20 · 17/09/2022 13:37

Depends on how the Head Girl is chosen. If it's chosen by a student vote, then fine. If it's the Head Mistresses direct choice, then not so fine.

User135792468 · 17/09/2022 13:37

If she was the best candidate, she shouldn’t have got it because of who her mum is? You yourself say she is an all rounder. I would say it’s very unlikely the headmistress suggested her own child. It would have been the child’s teacher and multiple other teachers who then agreed. I bet she’s missed out on many things over the years because of who her mum is. Maybe this was one that would have been one step too far. Why does it even bother you if your child wasn’t affected?

GiantTortoise · 17/09/2022 13:37

It's tricky OP. I sort of agree with you ,but on the other hand if she really was objectively the right person it's a bit harsh for her to miss out.

littlepeas · 17/09/2022 13:37

At my dc's school it is a vote for head girl and head boy - all children and teachers have an equal vote.

It is tricky, but it would also be unfair to exclude the child from the running because her mother is the headteacher.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 17/09/2022 13:38

Do you think she got the job because she's the daughter or do you think she'll have a conflict of interest because it's her mother as the head mistress.

If the former your problem there is "no idea how they make these decisions".

If the latter it could also work in the students favour.

Thatiswild · 17/09/2022 13:38

She shouldn’t excluded from having an opportunity because of it nor should she be favoured so it completely depends on how she was chosen. An all rounder sounds perfect for the role!

Beees · 17/09/2022 13:41

I don't understand why it's a conflict of interest. Children of teachers often get the very shortest straw when it comes to anything to do with school. They often can't have the main parts in the platy, can't win certificates, can't be chosen for sports events and can't be seen to do well in anything because someone always cries it's because of who their mum or dad is.

Maybe just maybe the poor kid was the best candidate or was selected by her peers. Either way it shouldn't be an issue and I can say with certainty the reason she was chosen is clearly not because she was the heads daughter.

AliTheMinx · 17/09/2022 13:43

My son is in Year 6, and they have a different head boy and head girl each term, which I think is a great idea. We are waiting to find out who it will be this term. The headmaster's daughter is in the year and she is excellent academically and excels at sport, music and drama, so she would be an excellent appointment on her own merits alone. I agree it's only fair if the child is a good candidate for the role.

StrawberryPims · 17/09/2022 13:43

There is no student vote. I assume voted by her teachers perhaps. Not sure what the Heads actual involvement is in the process to be honest. Not really fussed myself but it was topic of discussion at school so was interested in other peoples views.

OP posts:
Welliesintherain · 17/09/2022 13:45

Without knowing how it’s voted it’s impossible to say

iekanda · 17/09/2022 13:47

It is so utterly irrelevant.

-The girl could have been the best for the job. Not unlikely - she sees her mum lead the school.
-The Head could have had nothing to do with it and the staff were afraid to vote against her DD.
-The head could have said, my DD is head girl with no discussion.

In any case you're best off forgetting it.

HawthornLantern · 17/09/2022 13:48

Children of teachers often get the very shortest straw when it comes to anything to do with school.

I agree with this - the daughter of the head of my secondary fell into this category. She was passed over for everything. She was the natural choice for head girl, but not even allowed to be a prefect. Ended up dropping out of university a bit later on and those who were close to her family thought there was a connection with the fact that her confidence had been more or less systematically undermined as the school had always under acknowledged her abilities and achievements in case it looked like favouritism because of who her dad was. They may have been wrong and it’s an extreme case, I’ll grant you - but it’s the flip side - she didn’t get to develop and flourish at an important part of her education. And she deserved that as much as the rest of her peers did.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 17/09/2022 13:51

That’s disgusting if it’s true that the teachers vote and not the students. I used to work at a secondary school and a new head came in. I discovered that his son had been head boy at his previous school. There was all sorts of nepotism going on there. Catholic schools seem to be particularly bad for that.

Youreeavinalaff · 17/09/2022 13:52

My kids' primarily schools had a headteacher with her own kids there. They got main speaking parts in every play, special extra posts like 'arts ambassador', house captain, netball captain and generally preferential treatment. All the parents raised their eyebrows, it was rather transparent. Even when 'names were (supposedly) pulled out of a hat' 😆 We questioned one of these incidents and I actually felt sorry for the teacher who explained it to us whilst visibly squirming due to being forced to lie. None of it matters really in the long run, although it is an early lesson for children that life isn't always fair! Kids are now at secondary school and again, teachers at the school have their own kids elected as house captains, despite other kids knowing all their friends voted for them and haven't even succeeded in being in the running, teachers' kids invited to be in the football/sports school team despite being too young/not very good. And so on....
Again, it doesn't really matter, but I am always surprised that it is engineered like this and so brazen! They must see it as a perk of the job. Or maybe it's a fellow teacher/friend trying to do them a favour? If I was in their position I'd be so paranoid about appearing to favour my own kids, I'd ensure they weren't chosen for anything 😆😆

Neverfullycharged · 17/09/2022 13:52

This is why I really don’t think it’s a great idea for children to attend the same school their parents work at. It could be she’s genuinely the best candidate, but it’s always going to look a bit unfair, which is a shame for the girl and a shame for others.

Georgeskitchen · 17/09/2022 13:53

To be perfectly honest it's bound to raise eyebrows.
What would people think in the workplace if the boss's son/daughter got the promotion?
I always feel a bit sorry for kids who go to the school that a parent taught at. I would have hated it

WeAreAllLionesses · 17/09/2022 14:04

At the secondary school I work at, in the past three years the head boy or girl (we have both each year) has been the child of a governor, an ex deputy head and a member of the admin team.

All the students chosen - and their counterparts who were not children of staff or former staff members - were demonstrably good at the role, spoke well in public and were good adverts for the school.

If you want to give your child a helping hand to become a senior school head student, get them to do public speaking either in acting / church reading etc etc - it's the one area most are less comfortable with and it's a really key part of the role.

UnicornMumcraft · 17/09/2022 14:07

I hated being the Head’s daughter at school. I was pretty academic and sporty but was never allowed to win prizes when they fairly should have gone to me, wasn’t selected for teams when I justly should have been etc because of ‘what people would say’.

pompomdaisy · 17/09/2022 14:09

I don't think headmasters or headmistresses children should go to the same school as their parents. Full stop. This is another reason why.

ClocksGoingBackwards · 17/09/2022 14:09

It’s a difficult one. This girl shouldn’t be denied an opportunity just because she’s the head’s daughter, but it’s obviously going to raise eyebrows.

MiauzenKatzenjammer · 17/09/2022 14:11

What does a Head Girl actually do in a primary school?

nottodaytomorrow · 17/09/2022 14:23

Thats a ✨ coincidence ✨ Wink

Testina · 17/09/2022 14:25

StrawberryPims · 17/09/2022 13:43

There is no student vote. I assume voted by her teachers perhaps. Not sure what the Heads actual involvement is in the process to be honest. Not really fussed myself but it was topic of discussion at school so was interested in other peoples views.

Do you think MN will have a different set of opinions? I’d have thought any group would have a mix of:

  • it’s fine if she’s best candidate
  • should be excluded even if objectively best
  • meh


Do you really need more opinions, or do you just disagree so want to get more people saying it here to fan your fire?

Do people still say “headmistress?”
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