Head girl at my daughter's school is Head Mistress's daughter.

[StrawberryPims]

Just to be clear my daughter was not in the running and is in a lower year group. It is a primary school, year 6. The new Head Girl is more of an all rounder than an academic. No idea how they make these decisions, but, regardless feel that there is a massive conflict on interest. AIBU?

[Ilovevacations]

I think it’s fine as it’s unlikely she was chosen for the role by the headmistress.

My son went to my husbands school. My DH was not a member of the senior leadership team, but my son was (imo) penalised for being a child of a member of staff.

DS represented the school at a number of events, but was never included in the photos that were published on the school’s social media. He never won any school competitions, was never picked for any school based opportunities and never came home with any merit awards etc

I had my suspicions about the situation but could never have proven them. Teachers were always pleased with DS at parents evening and eventually he got all A*s in his exams, so I knew that he was doing well.

After three years at the school the headteacher changed and suddenly my son was just as included as any other child. In the photos, bringing home the odd certificate etc. No big deal, but it meant a lot to him to see himself with his friends on the school website - he was very proud.

I understand that the first HT probably didn’t want to look like the school showed favouritism to the children of staff, but that really isn’t fair on the child. It’s a difficult one.

As long as things are done fairly and all children are treated the same, that’s what matters.

[Zone2NorthLondon]

At my kids school it’s the children of the alpha mums in the PTA who get picked and get the leading roles etc

[Ilovevacations]

@StrawberryPims

Really interesting to read all the different points of view on both sides. Some really valid points I hadn’t considered raised.

I think what has raised eyebrows more, is that there tends to be an air of favouritism generally in the school, towards children of teachers and PTA members children too. Favouritism for school prizes, prominent school play positions, special awards created for certain favoured children. In all honesty, her DD seems a nice enough girl but does not outwardly stand out strongly in any particular way. She’s very confident though. It’s a private school. I don’t know for sure but presumably her children are being educated for free there.

How do you know all of this?

[ClocksGoingBackwards]

@Zone2NorthLondon

At my kids school it’s the children of the alpha mums in the PTA who get picked and get the leading roles etc

This is often because teachers will choose children whose parents they know from experience will help them learn their lines and support them with after school practices or performances. They are not going to choose the children that will be reluctant to learn the lines alone or who get little to no support at home because that could mean that the show is spoiled and all their efforts were pointless.

[Mrseven]

@StrawberryPims

There is no student vote. I assume voted by her teachers perhaps. Not sure what the Heads actual involvement is in the process to be honest. Not really fussed myself but it was topic of discussion at school so was interested in other peoples views.

Ugh, OP, I'm fuming! If you're not really fussed about it, why do you care so much to post about it?

My parents both taught at my secondary school (they never taught me/ my class directly) and it was cringe at best and a bitchfest at worst....

and as you say....it was a "topic of discussion at school" (amongst the vipers) why I got good grades "you just got an A because you're the teacher's daughter".

Guess what?! It was because I studied hard and actually participated actively in class.

Also, have you considered that some of the teacher's that taught me actually had lots of beef with my parents (their teacher colleagues) and maybe many teachers hate the headmistress at your DD's school.

[Summerslam]

I work in a place where the big boss's daughter is on the payroll. She gets seconded for training opportunities and helped to further her career because of who her mother is, and not because she is brilliant at the job. Other people working at the same grade aren't offered the same opportunities and it isn't fair.

But life isn't fair.

Learning this a primary school is a good.

Nepotism is rife in a lot of industries.

[ReluctantCourier]

If it were me and my kid wanted to go for head boy/girl I’d encourage them but explain my role gave them privileged insight into academic leadership roles so if successful they’d share the role with another kid to give fair access.

[elizaregina]

Op we have had this at our school sndnit absolutely stinks
people have been able to predict who will become head/boy/ girls depending on who child parents are and yes.... school staff/governors.

[elizaregina]

Summer slam

True
So what should we teach our DC?

If this is a thing across schools maybe we should be teaching our DC to petition the staff on how head pupils/favours are bestowed? perhaps change it to peer votes?

[Pumperthepumper]

@Zone2NorthLondon

At my kids school it’s the children of the alpha mums in the PTA who get picked and get the leading roles etc

Join the PTA then.

[TeacupDrama]

in rural areas of Scotland if you didn't teach at the same school especially at secondary level you could be 40-50 miles away from next nearest school, on some of the scotish islands and many remote areas of the mainland, there is only one school so if the teacher has children they will obviously be in their school
Argyll and Bute is only a tiny bit smaller than Yorkshire but has only 4 secondary schools on mainland they are a long way apart over 55 miles

[nicknamehelp]

My dc primary head had 4 kids and guess what all 4 where head boy/girl even with class vote by 3/4 we all knew it was a fix even kids.

[Watapalava]

Are you sure there’s no student vote? Esp given your kids are in diff year? Only yr 11 can vote for head boy and girl in our school and it’s defo kids who choose

[Lesserspotteddogfish]

The teachers choosing rather than the students might not be a bad idea. I remember my class went rogue and voted in someone fun as head of class over the other responsible candidates, just to annoy the teacher.

[dianthus101]

This kind of thing happened all the time when DD was at primary school. The favouritism was unbelievable and very obvious to the children. One child in particular (a teacher's daughter) received just about every award going and it made her quite unpopular so really didn't do her any favours.

[ReformedWaywardTeen]

If this was secondary it would bother me. It's not entirely fair at this point either but kicking up a stink will do you no favours if your child is in a lower year group.

Trust me, many eyebrows will be raised. Let someone else raise it

And I say that as someone at 15 was indeed voted head girl by staff, but the daughter of a wealthier parent with a fat chequebook waved a big donation and she was made head girl over me. It sucked at the time but it did the girl involved no favours at all. She grew up thinking daddy would pay her way to doing well and getting ahead. It really didn't. And when Daddy was later found out to have committed fraud, her downfall was massive.

[Riverlee]

@Thatiswild

She shouldn’t excluded from having an opportunity because of it nor should she be favoured so it completely depends on how she was chosen. An all rounder sounds perfect for the role!

This

[IAmAReader]

@Summerslam

I work in a place where the big boss's daughter is on the payroll. She gets seconded for training opportunities and helped to further her career because of who her mother is, and not because she is brilliant at the job. Other people working at the same grade aren't offered the same opportunities and it isn't fair.

But life isn't fair.

Learning this a primary school is a good.

Nepotism is rife in a lot of industries.

This is sad but very true.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

Bet she can’t wait to leave and go to secondary

if pupils and teachers voted no probs

if head chose then yes an issue

[Ohsugarhoneyicetea]

If her mother appointed her then yeah that's not on. I think the world is getting quite sick of the blatant nepotism going on.

[speakout]

It is a hard one. In the last few years at secondary school ( a very large comprehensive) I was close friends with the head's daughter ( he also taught us English)
He was relentless in pulling up his daughter for every little demeanour- in an effort to be seen not to show favouritism he would pick her out in line for having the wrong shoes or a sloppy school tie ( even though others had the same).
He would come down harder on her in class for talking or getting an answer wrong. I felt so sorry for her, her father was a tyrant, and there was no escape- at home ( he was a bully there also) or at school. No hope of my friend becoming head girl.

[WilsonMilson]

It does scream nepotism, and it it’s surely ridiculous and meaningless to have a head girl at a primary school.
I don’t think my annoyance about this would extend further than some eye rolling though.

[IAmAReader]

@Zone2NorthLondon I agree, as an educator who worked in roles which involved visiting various schools I seen a lot of this.

Not everyone can join the PTA and the fact if this is happening, it's definitely wrong so more people piling onto the PTA to secure preferential treatment for their child wouldn't solve it.

Important to note, the PTA parents are often the ones in a position to choose to work part-time or not work at all.

A PP suggested it might be because those kids are seen to have more supportive parents but I don't altogether buy this. I think when this kind of unfair bias occurs it's more linked to rewarding the more involved parents who help the school out. And they are also the type of parents to create a fuss if their child is given a silent part.

There are very capable children whose parents aren't in the PTA who need very little input from parents who would learn lines or be the captain of the school sports team etc fine.

And if they are really doing it for that reason that would discriminate against a range of children including ones from troubled backgrounds which isn't fair and replicates the kind of inequality we are seeing in society.

If teachers genuinely feel there's issue where the child won't get as much as support as they will need, they can always try and work around it and put in that additional support including setting the child 'homework' to learn lines.

I used to work with children in care, and some of them didn't have the most engaged foster parents, and their biological parents had limited contact.. I'd have been horrified if a teacher passed them over for a role or position they were capable of because they didn't have the 'right' parents.

[cinnabongene]

I’m a school governor and my daughter is Head Girl at the same school. She was voted by pupils and teachers. I didn’t even know she was in the running. I’d hate to think other parents are bitching about it (but they probably are)

[Zone2NorthLondon]

@Pumperthepumper

Join the PTA then.

Have no desire to join PTA and I’m at work FT.
PTA don’t work and obsess over the minutiae of who gets what
It’s a factual observation not a gesture of Pick me, pick me