AIBU?
Head girl at my daughter's school is Head Mistress's daughter.
StrawberryPims · 17/09/2022 13:32
Just to be clear my daughter was not in the running and is in a lower year group. It is a primary school, year 6. The new Head Girl is more of an all rounder than an academic. No idea how they make these decisions, but, regardless feel that there is a massive conflict on interest. AIBU?
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
StrawberryPims · 17/09/2022 14:32
Really interesting to read all the different points of view on both sides. Some really valid points I hadn’t considered raised.
I think what has raised eyebrows more, is that there tends to be an air of favouritism generally in the school, towards children of teachers and PTA members children too. Favouritism for school prizes, prominent school play positions, special awards created for certain favoured children. In all honesty, her DD seems a nice enough girl but does not outwardly stand out strongly in any particular way. She’s very confident though. It’s a private school. I don’t know for sure but presumably her children are being educated for free there.
VladmirsPoutine · 17/09/2022 14:36
It's a great lesson for your daughter to learn about life. You can work as hard as you like but if you're the boss' friend or relative the top spot is yours. Think of it like a scaled down version of how all the tories friends ended up with million-pound contracts during covid.
Cillery · 17/09/2022 14:40
I think this sort of thing is found objectionable because of our culture. In certain other cultures it would be expected that the head’s daughter was headgirl. I don’t think there’s any need to get a sweat on about it if she is a capable girl. She is in a difficult situation. If she is up to the job then so what? You don’t want to favour her but you don’t want discriminate against her
badbaduncle · 17/09/2022 14:40
DS was voted headboy in year 6 and refused because it meant he missed 2 playtimes each half term. He got 4A* at A Level and is doing very well so it didn't leave a lasting dent on his record.
Seriously, who gives a shit? What does it mean. Nothing. Tell your DC that this is how life is, public sector is as bad a private for nepotism - get used to it and be careful what you wish for.
Testina · 17/09/2022 14:48
StrawberryPims · 17/09/2022 14:32
Really interesting to read all the different points of view on both sides. Some really valid points I hadn’t considered raised.
I think what has raised eyebrows more, is that there tends to be an air of favouritism generally in the school, towards children of teachers and PTA members children too. Favouritism for school prizes, prominent school play positions, special awards created for certain favoured children. In all honesty, her DD seems a nice enough girl but does not outwardly stand out strongly in any particular way. She’s very confident though. It’s a private school. I don’t know for sure but presumably her children are being educated for free there.
Why wouldn’t you have put that in the OP?
LizzieBet14 · 17/09/2022 14:49
Beees · 17/09/2022 13:41
I don't understand why it's a conflict of interest. Children of teachers often get the very shortest straw when it comes to anything to do with school. They often can't have the main parts in the platy, can't win certificates, can't be chosen for sports events and can't be seen to do well in anything because someone always cries it's because of who their mum or dad is.
Maybe just maybe the poor kid was the best candidate or was selected by her peers. Either way it shouldn't be an issue and I can say with certainty the reason she was chosen is clearly not because she was the heads daughter.
Absolutely - I wouldn't teach my own children for this reason.
Pumperthepumper · 17/09/2022 14:49
SmallPrawnEnergy · 17/09/2022 14:49
It’s not about the child, about the possible nepotism happening. No vote, head is her mum… come on.
Pumperthepumper · 17/09/2022 14:46
This is such a snide thread about a (maybe?) twelve year old kid.
Come on what? Maybe she’s a good all rounder? Maybe she’s confident enough to speak to guests or at assemblies? Maybe she’s a good role model?
ancientgran · 17/09/2022 14:54
pompomdaisy · 17/09/2022 14:09
I don't think headmasters or headmistresses children should go to the same school as their parents. Full stop. This is another reason why.
That's OK in a city, if you live very rurally it could mean a child having a very long difficult journey to school. Ideally I don't think it is a good idea for kids to go to a school where their parent teaches but sometimes we have to compromise.
itsgettingweird · 17/09/2022 15:07
VladmirsPoutine · 17/09/2022 14:36
It's a great lesson for your daughter to learn about life. You can work as hard as you like but if you're the boss' friend or relative the top spot is yours. Think of it like a scaled down version of how all the tories friends ended up with million-pound contracts during covid.
Or maybe it would be a good thing for these sorts of cultures to be questioned and challenged - for the exact reason we saw how that turned out!
CruCru · 17/09/2022 15:07
Problem is, it’s quite hard to tell the reasons for often giving responsibility to the children of teachers and PTA members. It may be that the parents are confident joiners-in so the children are too.
I have known PTA Chairs refuse to let their children enter certain competitions because it is just so damn embarrassing if they win.
If the girl is a pleasant all-rounder, she may be a good choice. I’ll be amazed if the Head demanded that her daughter be chosen.
The problem with having the children vote is that it becomes a popularity contest. I would have been buggered.
I think at our school (a private prep), the head boy and head girl (and maybe the head of sports) have to apply and write a letter / essay to explain why they should be considered. I don’t know what happens afterwards but perhaps this is also the process?
itsgettingweird · 17/09/2022 15:12
It can happen the other way of course too.
At my sons sorts club they get team captains (one boy and one girl).
And junior captains the same.
It's awarded and I have no idea who makes the decision and neither do the kids.
They found out last week who the 2 senior captains are. The girl they get. They boy they don't.
They thought it would be a choice of 2 other boys except 1 is really full on college this year and the other is the chairs son. (Who to be fair also is on a very demanding college course)
The one chosen just isn't who they thought they'd be encouraged to look up to. I suggested maybe it was to encourage them to harness their talents effectively.
So there's probably always reasons those of us who aren't in the know don't understand. But probably the biggest reason it should be transparent?
AnotherAnxiousMess · 17/09/2022 15:20
When I was at school it was a student vote.. are you sure that’s not how she’s been selected? If so, I don’t see the problem. Even still, I was deputy head in school and it felt quite pointless… kinda just a position to make the children think they have a say, but realistically they have none.
Beees · 17/09/2022 15:30
faffadoodledo · 17/09/2022 15:18
At my children's school the daughter of the chair of governors got the job of Head Girl. Interviewed by... the governors!! I'd have been pretty cheesed if my DD had been one of the other candidates!
Why?
She obviously impressed all the other governors and probably had to be twice as good as the next best candidate to even get any of them suggesting she should be chosen.
Look I'm not saying favouritism doesn't ever happen in such situations but I think that many people believe it happens far more than it does. Truthfully the vast majority of such students don't get any favours or chosen even if they deserve it because of the optics such choices create.
Sodullincomparison · 17/09/2022 15:30
I am my daughter’s Head and she was convinced she could win the weekly award at the start of term.
“not with your surname darling” was my response under my breath to my husband.
She is held to a higher account, she can’t be picked for things in case of a cry of favouritism and I am told anything she does remotely out of line BUT my team are some of the most important adults in her life and that outweighs any challenge it brings.
I doubt any Head would run the risk of a complaint of nepotism- Head Boy and Girl announcements are contentious enough.
Howardsbend · 17/09/2022 15:42
She may be a cup off the old block. I grew up never being allowed to lead anything because of your position my parents held and it was so oppressive. You're basically saying this girl can't hold a position on merit without facing the rumour mill because of who her parents are-that's reverse discrimination. If she were unfit I'm sure there would be an outcry.
pawkins · 17/09/2022 15:45
User135792468 · 17/09/2022 13:37
If she was the best candidate, she shouldn’t have got it because of who her mum is? You yourself say she is an all rounder. I would say it’s very unlikely the headmistress suggested her own child. It would have been the child’s teacher and multiple other teachers who then agreed. I bet she’s missed out on many things over the years because of who her mum is. Maybe this was one that would have been one step too far. Why does it even bother you if your child wasn’t affected?
On the contrary, in my kid’s school, the teacher’s children are chosen for everything.
It is irritating once the classmates are old enough to realise the unfairness of this which in my experience is approx age eight and upwards.
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