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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I hate myself - please help

66 replies

hatemyself000 · 17/09/2022 00:48

I had a nice family growing up and a privileged upbringing - went to private school and a good uni. Due to chronic low self esteem/self confidence I ended up in a very average job and still don't earn a lot. I have terrible social anxiety.

I started drinking due to the above issues and now drink every day. I think I might have a problem.

I had CBT and am on medication which has helped a bit with the self esteem issues, but I still feel so low most days and genuinely hate myself. I beat myself up constantly about the fact I was blessed with a good start in life but have not made the most of it (understatement) due to my self loathing and terrible self confidence. I feel I've let myself and my parents down.

I have a young child and don't want to let him down too. I don't know where to go from here.

OP posts:
Marvellousmadness · 17/09/2022 00:57

This reply has been deleted

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Marvellousmadness · 17/09/2022 00:57

Im medicated for anxiety but try to do 1 thing a day to challenge my anxiety. Something small
But it feels like an achievement. Maybe try it.

Original poster
hatemyself000 · 17/09/2022 00:58

No it isn't the example I want to set. But I have so much self-loathing and hatred of myself, and drinking feels like the only way to escape those feelings (temporarily at least).

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 17/09/2022 01:00

Please go to see your doctor and say all the things you have said here. If you don't think you can say them out loud write them down and hand it to them. I think you may be depressed and I am sure a doctor would be able to check whether you are or help with any drinking issues.

Don't be so hard on yourself though and take care.

Original poster
hatemyself000 · 17/09/2022 01:02

I've already been to the doctor and am on medication - it's helped a bit but not fully. I still feel anxious and depressed, though to a lesser extent. Perhaps I need a higher dose.

OP posts:
Original poster
hatemyself000 · 17/09/2022 01:03

I hate myself for setting a bad example to my child - who is my world - and perpetuating the cycle.

OP posts:
Original poster
hatemyself000 · 17/09/2022 01:05

I'm such a useless person and a waste of oxygen. That's how I feel.

OP posts:
DeanStockwelll · 17/09/2022 01:05

A good or bad upbringing does necessarily make you the person you are now.
I have know people that have had a privileged bringing and complete asses now and others are really struggled and up bringing low income and / or from violent household and are fantastic people.
As trite as sounds it's up to you to make your own life what you think is worth.
Is there anybody in real life and help support you family , friends, neighbor's counsellors excetera?
Set yourself goals they can be really small to start with depending on what status you are at the moment does your little one have a clean uniform and packed lunch to go to school with ? this is a big goal for lot of people.
Can you cook basic meals for yourself and your little one if not can somebody help you with this?
Can you help your little one homework or Reading ? If not can you find someone that can?
can you set yourself small learning goals to do , how to spell new words or times table it sounds silly and possibly a little childish but I struggle with low self-esteem and I was surprised how pleased I was in myself and I will learn to spell a new word.
If that is not your thing how about learning how to knit , crochet do more adventurous cooking paint or draw boosting your own self-esteem is very important don't rely on other people to do it for you.
A pat on the back from other's is always much appreciated but what is more deflating when you don't get it when you're expecting it so you do something you think is really good and no one praise you I used to find that much more crushing than me being a bit disappointed in something I thought was good / ok but didnt turn out quite the way I want

Original poster
hatemyself000 · 17/09/2022 01:09

I've tried setting small goals and it does help to an extent - but I eventually just get overwhelmed with the constant inner questions, like why don't I have many friends, why am I such a shit person, and feelings of self-hatred.

OP posts:
Zuyi · 17/09/2022 01:09

You're being ridiculous. There's nothing wrong with having an average job! What's wrong with all the people who have below average jobs? Do you mean pay?

Having a baby can be really isolating. How you feel is really common (I mean, normal, not common in a bad way!). It will get easier. Try to get out of the house and connect with people as much as possible. Be easy on yourself! A privileged childhood is just that. It doesn't guarantee you anything in adulthood. That's just rhetoric that private schools use to help parents justify the spend. Don't get sucked in by it.

Zuyi · 17/09/2022 01:11

It's also hard to sustain friendships when you have a baby, that's not your fault.

DeanStockwelll · 17/09/2022 01:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Did you really think a comment like this would be helpful or necessary ?

@hatemyself000 has reached out for help not to be told she has a problem

And it's want to be / set, not wanna be / set

Original poster
hatemyself000 · 17/09/2022 01:12

I try to connect with people but am useless at it. As I said, I have terrible social anxiety which doesn't help.

I do feel bad having an "average" job when I've been afforded such a privileged upbringing. I feel I've let my parents (who spent a lot on my education vs if I'd gone to state school) down massively.

OP posts:
Zuyi · 17/09/2022 01:15

hatemyself000 · 17/09/2022 01:12

I try to connect with people but am useless at it. As I said, I have terrible social anxiety which doesn't help.

I do feel bad having an "average" job when I've been afforded such a privileged upbringing. I feel I've let my parents (who spent a lot on my education vs if I'd gone to state school) down massively.

Can't lie, some parents are like that. They want specific careers for their kids. That's on them, though. How would you feel if your child had an average job one day? You'd still love her, right?

Original poster
hatemyself000 · 17/09/2022 01:16

Reading back my first post, it sounds like my main issue is not doing very well in my career after school/uni. That's one aspect of it, but the main issue is that I've always absolutely hated myself and had massive social anxiety my whole life. I'm now in my late 30s and still feel the same way.

OP posts:
Zuyi · 17/09/2022 01:17

Still love him, I mean. Those obsessive career parents are a recipe for low self esteem, but they mean well. They can't help it I don't think.

Original poster
hatemyself000 · 17/09/2022 01:17

My parents are lovely and say they're proud of my career and of me. It's me that has the issues.

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Original poster
hatemyself000 · 17/09/2022 01:19

I feel like I'm just an impossible person - as probably evidenced by this thread.

OP posts:
Zuyi · 17/09/2022 01:21

Impossible people are sometimes the best people, don't worry.

Original poster
hatemyself000 · 17/09/2022 01:21

Zuyi · 17/09/2022 01:21

Impossible people are sometimes the best people, don't worry.

Thanks but I'm not sure that's true!

OP posts:
overthinkingornot · 17/09/2022 01:22

You're not a waste of oxygen or a useless person. Please call 111 and they will help you obtain the most appropriate level of care as soon as possible this weekend. I know you've said you've already spoken to your GP and it's not found it beneficial or helpful but 111 will be able to direct/refer you to a service which will help you through this

DeanStockwelll · 17/09/2022 01:23

How many parents do you think want their children's grow up to be cleaners , housemaids , hotel attendant, shop workers, Street sweepers, bin men and all the other jobs that don't get the recognition they will deserve ?

Its Not the job that you do that makes you the person that you are is the pride effort and dedication you put into your job yourself and your child that helps to make you the person you are .

Remember don't aim for the big unobtainable things aim for the next few steps for the next small goal and the bigger will come in due time.

Original poster
hatemyself000 · 17/09/2022 01:24

overthinkingornot · 17/09/2022 01:22

You're not a waste of oxygen or a useless person. Please call 111 and they will help you obtain the most appropriate level of care as soon as possible this weekend. I know you've said you've already spoken to your GP and it's not found it beneficial or helpful but 111 will be able to direct/refer you to a service which will help you through this

I've already had CBT on the NHS and am on medication. Not sure there's much more they can do!

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Original poster
hatemyself000 · 17/09/2022 01:25

I'm now letting my son down by being depressed and down on myself - it feels like a horrible vicious cycle that I can't break out of.

OP posts:
DeanStockwelll · 17/09/2022 01:25

hatemyself000 · 17/09/2022 01:21

Thanks but I'm not sure that's true!

Show quote history

It is very true , you should meet my DB! 😁💛