To think you can be single and happy for life

[Newsinglemum58]

I so want to believe this…. But, can you?…

This is my dilemma. Since my husband died I feel incredibly lonely but the thought of any kind of intimacy another man actually terrifies me. Trying my best to keep busy but will never get used to returning to an empty house 😔

Most definitely.

I don’t mind being for periods of time. This last time I’ve been single for 7 years and I’m finally beginning to get lonely.

Before this I was basically single (had dates here and there but nothing lasted longer than a month or so) for 17 years. Sometimes I was ok but I just missed being in a relationship.

Im hoping to meet someone but if I don’t, and I doubt I will at my age and with my bad health, that I can at least be content. Prob not happy but ok with it.

I’ve been single since my late twenties, so 15 years or so and I firmly intend to remain single for the rest of my life. I’m very content being single, and do not perceive that I’m lacking anything. I can honestly say that I’ve never observed any couple’s relationship and thought it was something I’d like, on the contrary I usually think there are aspects I’d absolutely detest and could not endure.

My life is fulfilling, I’ve a job I love and that pays well, some great friends, an active social life and I have multiple gentlemen friends so my sex life is full and satisfying. I’m financially independent and have no dependents either.

i know of so many people who stay in shit relationships because they’re terrified of being single, and I really pity them. It must be awful to have such low self esteem to believe that you on your own are not enough, that you must be part of a couple, propped up by someone else, and to knowingly stay in a shit situation to achieve that. Madness.

Very happy and single here, my son is now 18 and I’m starting to do things for myself again. Not everyone needs a man in their life and that’s ok. I know people that are married who feel very alone.

I was single and happy in my mid 20s.

I long for those days.

I'm not someone who likes to compromise etc.

I do like sharing a bed though.

I've been single since I was 18. I had a baby 3 months after my 18th birthday and the relationship didn't work out so I swore I'd just focus on raising my DC. I'm 32 now. DC is 14.

I'm happy being single, I can't imagine ever letting someone into my life and home. Maybe I'll feel differently when DC is an adult with their own life but I want to focus on my career now.

Yes. I didn’t marry until 40. Had loads of fun before that, no serious relationships. Being married is nice, but I find it difficult, too. I often picture myself single again, when I’m older.

Only after a terrible relationship.

Otherwise, you are prompt to think you don't want to be alone all your life and all couples around you are happier.

Of course, firstly everyone is different and some people genuinely hand on heart prefer being alone. Others might want a partner but still be loved, fulfilled and happy as they have decent friends and family around them.

If you are not happy on your own, you will never be truly happy with a partner

I do agree with this as well, it is a cliche but the first person you need to fall in love with is yourself.

Personally I'd miss sex amongst other things.

I think it depends on course on the relationship, it's invariably much better to be single than in a shitty relationship just as you don't want to be alone.

Absolutely you can. As someone has pointed out there’s a lot of evidence that older women are much happier single than they are in relationships. Marriage over the long term benefits men far more than women (on every measure other than money).

I think the problem is that as a younger woman it can be very hard to see past the miasma of social expectation that everyone should be in a relationship. Which is why so many women in their late 20s/early 30s are so angsty about this.

Being single becomes more rewarding the older you get.

I am just like you except ds is 17. I much prefer my freedom and independence now ds is older. I would hate to be shackled in a relationship. That is how I would feel anyway.

Even the physical side leaves me cold these days. Now I am through the menopause. I think that influences things hugely.

I've been single nearly 11years. I'm happy generally and would find it hard not to have my own space but do miss having someone to share the load at times. I'm not bothered about meeting someone but open to it happening if I came across someone I had that spark with.

Would you consider a dog? They are always pleased to see you.

Absolutely!

Any relationship I had has made me miserable so I am now single for life.

As an older woman I am realistic that I will probably never find anyone else so instead I am focusing my energy on enjoying life, work, hobbies, sports and friends and I am so much happier that way.

I no longer feel the need to be paranoid about my physical appearance or worry about whether a man likes me or not. I can just be myself. Very liberating.

I do think a good and supportive relationship brings a lot of joy and that people who meet their ''soulmate'' are incredibly lucky but I never did so I much prefer being alone to putting up with men who bring nothing positive in my life.

I’m in my 50’s now. Last in a long line of failed relationships ended 5 yrs ago. I decided that was it. For me relationships come with too many downsides and not enough upsides. I hadn’t realised how much I would enjoy thinking only of myself, doing only what I wanted to do. It’s bliss. I have 2 cats now and they fulfil my “affection” needs. I have friends and family for company/conversation. I don’t even really miss sex, mens expectations in that area have changed from when I was young and that’s not something I want, so happier to go without. But there are options for that aspect!

Probably the only thing that would be easier being in a couple is the fact of having two incomes instead of one. But I would want to date someone around my age and potentially retirement wouldn’t be a million miles away for the guy. And the thought of having a man under my feet all day long makes me shudder! So I’d rather just manage on my own. I earn enough for what I want/need.

Of course there are moments I feel lonely or wish I had someone to snuggle up with. But they’re fleeting and don’t last long. Overall I am very happy.

I’m getting slowly used to being single again at 42 after a long relationship/marriage which ended in divorce, then a six year relationship that basically ended in disaster (emotional abuse/ issues with blending families). So that’s basically 23 years of being and living with men..I was terrified of being single again and to some level still have that feeling but I can already see the advantages. My home feels purely like my son and I’s again, we can see what we want, do what we want when we want. Plus I am lucky as I have childfree time as my son has always had a great relationship with his dad (my ex husband). I feel like I want to take this time to find out who I am again, see my friends, focus on old and new interests and my son who is everything. My life became so bogged down with arguments, tension, working out schedules as to when his kids would stay, I don’t miss any of that at all.

Ooh plus I’m actually going “out out” tonight with friends instead of mooching in front of Netflix (which I also love but is it nice to get a bit dressed up occasionally hell yes!)

I'm single for life. I have been far too hurt far too much to restore any faith ever again plus I'm extremely intolerant and set in my ways so it's highly unlikely I'll find someone who fits the mould anyway. I wouldn't say I'm absolutely thrilled with it but I'm becoming more and more content with it as time goes on (almost one year in) and I do genuinely love my own company. I miss sex very occasionally but the way I view it - I'd rather go without and feel a bit frustrated three times per year than be overloaded with someone who expected me to put out three times per week.

What would make it ideal for me would be to live in a world where EVERYONE was single and everyone regularly ate out, went to cinema and travelled etc alone so I don't feel like the oddball!

Absolutely not. Have never been in a relationship or wanted to be and I’m very happy with my life.

This is exactly my experience too.

I’m single 5.5 years and very happy. I’ve had a few flings, but I have absolutely no desire to actively look for a partner. If someone I liked enough came along then great, but he’d have to be pretty special for me to compromise on my current life. He’d NEVER be special enough for me to share a house with though. Not doing that again, I like my space.

Thanks for all the comments. It’s fascinating reading them, and so many of them are giving me a different perspective of positivity and hope for single living.

Personally I'd miss sex amongst other things

Being single doesn’t have to mean a lack of sex, if you’re happy to have regular friends with benefits/fuck buddies you can have very regular sex.