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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you can be single and happy for life

96 replies

Newsinglemum58 · 16/09/2022 21:02

I so want to believe this…. But, can you?…

OP posts:
EmpressaurusWitchDoesntBurn · 16/09/2022 21:50

Absolutely. I’ve been single 8 years now, lived on my own for 6 years & I could never go back to sharing living space with anyone except my cat.

I get plenty of company from family & friends, & plenty of hugs. People who say ‘Nobody can be really happy single, they’re just fooling themselves’ are showing the same blinkered lack of imagination as people who can’t understand why some women don’t want kids, or don’t drive.

mommatoone · 16/09/2022 21:54

11 years in here, and im in my early 40s. But im happy as larry and cant imagine it any other way!

Floofboopsnootandbork · 16/09/2022 21:55

My mum had a friend who didn’t want to settle down and is now in her early 60s and still really happy with her life. She travelled a lot and was always up to really interesting and exciting things.

I also have a friend now doesn’t want to get into a serious relationship but she’s late 20s so could still change. She enjoys meeting people and flirting and the whole chase of it all more than she enjoys the end result so says she has no desire to get into a serious relationship. She says she’ll never want to settle down as she likes being by herself, doing her own thing, and enjoying life on her terms but who knows what will happen in the future.

On the other side of it I have a couple of friends who just can’t stand to be alone to the point they bounce from one relationship to another really quickly and often get with people who are completely unsuitable, not in the way they’re bad people who hurt them but they’re just way to different and have no common ground and don’t really seem to enjoy each others company.

I think it depends on the person tbh, some people can genuinely be happy single but others won’t be.

ipreferthecat · 16/09/2022 22:11

@YellowTreeHouse

I'm confused with what you mean

Please would you mind elaborating on this

bloodyplanes · 16/09/2022 22:29

I hope so! Im a year out of a miserable 10 year relationship, with a miserable 15 year marriage before that. I am throughly enjoying being single, not having to share my home, consider anyone else when i make decisions, not having to put anyone else first. I can honestly say ive never been happier. I have absolutely no intention or inclination to ever be in a relationship again.

drpet49 · 16/09/2022 22:36

I’m sure some can be. But those who I know who are single are miserable as sin.

BMW6 · 16/09/2022 22:41

Good grief YES!

I was single till my marriage at 47. Now 17 years married and I will never entertain the idea of living with anyone again when DH dies.

He is not the person I married. He's turned into a grumpy miserable bugger who blames everything wrong in his life on someone else. He KNOWS he is being a shit because he apologises now and then. I must stress there is no mistreatment of me, just being twattish.

I am quite frankly now going to outlive him and enjoy the rest of my life.

I've told him all this, to his face. He knows. He just can't stop being a twat somehow.

Desiredeffect · 16/09/2022 22:43

I've been single for 10 years and love it. I really don't want a relationship with anyone now. Can't see it changing very soon either

brightonandvegas · 16/09/2022 22:44

Yes, single 5 years and very very happy.

psychomath · 16/09/2022 22:52

I think so. I've never really wanted a partner and I'm happy with my life (well, except that I'm considering giving it all up and moving to Asia, but that's another story!) But equally I don't think it's for everyone - I have several friends who are unhappy being single and a lot who are very happily married, and If you really want a partner and family I'm not sure you can make yourself stop wanting those things just like that.

Ragwort · 16/09/2022 22:52

Of course you can, but I agree with a PP, if you are thinking and posting about this then you probably feel it's a 'second best sort of life. Some of the happiest and most fulfilled people I know are long term single.

keepingwarm5623 · 16/09/2022 22:57

Absolutely you can, if that is what you want. I am happier single than I have ever been in a relationship and intend to stay that way from now on.

Beansycheese · 16/09/2022 22:59

I wish I was single, then I would be happy for life

onlythreenow · 16/09/2022 23:35

Of course you can. I've been single for 19 years and love it. Not interested in a realtionship at all - and yes, I have been married. My ex and I are best friends, and get on so much better now. I don't think I was designed for relationships!

SusanSHelit · 16/09/2022 23:38

All of the happiest women I know are single.

All of the happiest men are not.

Make of that what you will.

I personally have no intention of sharing my house with anyone other than my dc and my cat ever again. I'm not opposed to a partner should the right person appear in my life but they're not moving in with me.

Luredbyapomegranate · 17/09/2022 00:08

BMW6 · 16/09/2022 22:41

Good grief YES!

I was single till my marriage at 47. Now 17 years married and I will never entertain the idea of living with anyone again when DH dies.

He is not the person I married. He's turned into a grumpy miserable bugger who blames everything wrong in his life on someone else. He KNOWS he is being a shit because he apologises now and then. I must stress there is no mistreatment of me, just being twattish.

I am quite frankly now going to outlive him and enjoy the rest of my life.

I've told him all this, to his face. He knows. He just can't stop being a twat somehow.

@BMW6

If you don’t mind me asking why don’t you separate. In your mid 60s you have a good chunk of life left to get out and enjoy - but you haven’t so much time left you can squander it.

MsPincher · 17/09/2022 00:17

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Emm single people hug other people you know

Always4Brenner · 17/09/2022 00:20

Well I’m going to be and that’s a fact. Yes I’ll be poor by society’s standards but I’ll save my debts won’t be forever, 60th birthday here I come four years off but a dream birthday. No grumpy Christmas a happy one, I’m doing the 12 days of Christmas this year as in medieval and Tudor times so yes I’m going to be happy. Life is for me now.

Hawkins001 · 17/09/2022 00:21

Yes, you can.

Always4Brenner · 17/09/2022 00:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I’m getting made a huge plushie for hugs I also have very good friends I’ll survive.

TBOM · 17/09/2022 00:26

Single vs child free. Very different as other posters have said. But its all a decision. Every one has compromises. You tie yourself up in knots trying to work out which way is best. There's no such thing. Its about what's right for you.

TBOM · 17/09/2022 00:28

Guessing from your username its the former. That's a good place to be emotionally IMO.

onlythreenow · 17/09/2022 02:18

People who say ‘Nobody can be really happy single, they’re just fooling themselves’ are showing the same blinkered lack of imagination as people who can’t understand why some women don’t want kids, or don’t drive.

Yep. I didn't want kids and don't drive (as well as being single), and I'm happy every day.

milkyaqua · 17/09/2022 02:19

YellowTreeHouse · 16/09/2022 21:20

No. But people will convince themselves they can because the alternative is much more upsetting.

I would say it's the people who stay in shithouse marriages and relationships because they are too scared of being on their own, or too socially conditioned to imagine being single as a viable way of life, who are more likely to be convincing themselves of something that is not true - that they are 'happy' in their situation.

Why would people who live a single life happily, who have no desire to recouple, who realise they are happier than they ever were, not know their own true feelings?

It is sad some people are so unimaginative all they can see is coupledom. Any (awful, dull, selfish twat of a partner) being better than no partner...

MeanderingGently · 17/09/2022 02:36

I am happiest being single, I absolutely love it. I can compare; I was married for almost 20 years; they were very lonely years towards the end of my marriage.

I have now been single for 21 years. I have done amazing jobs in the past, travelled the world, met all sorts of people and had many experiences I wouldn't have had being married, I've even lived abroad. I have never lacked friends wherever I've lived, always found 'communities' to be part of, whether it's a workplace group, interest group, village community, church, whatever....

I don't "miss hugs" as pp have said, I still get hugs from family members, friends, even in the workplace. But then I'm not really a 'huggy' person so it doesn't bother me, and I really like my own company. As a single person I feel more content, less stressed, and with a better 'life balance' somehow. I look forward to the future with contentment, I'm not worried about being retired or old on my own....I have so many things I still want to do.

I have both male and female friends, but I am definitely NOT looking for another relationship in my life. I truly believe I'm happiest single, I like the fact that I can do whatever I want without having to consider another person nor make compromises, I just don't want to give up the freedom that I enjoy now. I just wouldn't give that up for anyone!