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AIBU to think most kids hate school

124 replies

StitchInLime · 16/09/2022 07:54

It’s not just mine but other people’s kids too from
talking to other parents. Most school mornings are a battle to encourage them in. ‘I have a bad tummy’, ‘my leg hurts’ ‘I don’t want to go to school’. It’s all made worse by the fact we have a family member (my nephew) who is home schooled so they see there is a possibility NOT to be at school.

Maybe it’s normal. Most of us, when faced with being forced to drag our arses out of bed to go somewhere and do something we’re not always enthusiastic about (work!) don’t adore it. But we’re adults so don’t try to manipulate our ways out of it (most of the time). Has it got worse since the pandemic?

Or are the kids I know unusual cases? Do your kids love school?

I guess I’m just sick of the daily battle on school mornings. We always say school is important, plus we can’t always lounge around at home as life isn’t fulfilling that way, this the routine and learning is good. But still, the morning drama!

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

ThisisCollie2022 · 16/09/2022 09:54

@Needmorelego I understand. I'm ND too. But then everyone is different otherwise it wouldn't be called a spectrum :)

I found secondary school absolutely amazing for my autism. The in depth project work, groups of friends and regular teachers. The routine and knowing exactly what to wear was bliss! (For me!)

Careers for ND shouldn't be chosen until they've found their "special interest".... which most careers advisors wouldn't understand!

Im struggling more with being in the workplace if I'm honest. The office lights, masking 8 hours a day, the randomness of colleagues coming up to my desk for a chit chat, the sudden loud phone ringing and then the Internet randomly going down causing havoc. The fact that I take my colleagues so literally... ahhh it's embarrassing!

Masking ND is a full time job I think 😊


PetraBP · 16/09/2022 09:54

Mine doesn’t.

I didn’t.

Both regular state primary.

everyone’s different I guess…


Goldbar · 16/09/2022 09:54

Slight off-topic, but I'd agree that the getting ready and getting to school is quite stressful for a lot of children. We live in an urban area where lots of secondary children commute to school and we see them quite a lot as I sometimes take my DC to school on the bus if we're running late or if it's raining. Overcrowded noisy trains, overcrowded buses, bus drivers who refuse to let school kids on if the bus is busy, buses passing groups of schoolchildren without stopping. I actually think most of the children seem to deal with it incredibly well and there seems to be very little reluctance to go to school even though (from what I overhear) they're often threatened with detention or other sanctions for being late when it's largely out of their control. And I hear them encouraging each other "No, we're not going to make it", "We've got 5 minutes, we can be on time if we sprint". It seems such an intensely stressful way to start the morning and I do feel for them a bit. I'd probably dislike school under those circumstances. But they just seem to get on with it.


PeekAtYou · 16/09/2022 09:56

My kids loved school in primary but from secondary onwards they tolerated it because their friends were there.


SpinningFloppa · 16/09/2022 09:56

All of my 4 have disliked school, they don’t give me problems about going but they don’t want to be there and make it clear.


ThisisCollie2022 · 16/09/2022 09:56

I didn't like my boot cut school trousers soaking up the rain though!!


SpinningFloppa · 16/09/2022 09:56

I didn’t like secondary but I liked primary


SafeMove · 16/09/2022 09:56

Thepeopleversuswork · 16/09/2022 09:47

This is snobbish and simplistic.

I was brought up in a family like this: gave huge priority to education and academic excellence etc. It turned me massively against school in secondary and I went out of my way to fail at it because I felt oppressed by the expectation and fetishization of education. I pulled it out of the bag eventually but I'm sure I would have got a lot further in life if my parents hadn't hit me over the head relentlessly about the value of education.

It's true that families need to put a high priority on education and make the idea of learning fun and rewarding. And certainly its true that families where school and self-advancement is sneered at are not constructive.

But its also surprisingly easy to turn kids off education by being too evangelical about it.

I agree, way too simplistic. I am from a family where education is ridiculed, my parents left at 14 and 15 with no quals (my dad on my masters graduation said 'You've proven your point now, no more stupid degrees'). They laugh their head off at my 'useless' degrees. They also think my job in health research (a direct result of my study) is 'poncey'. It just makes me want to learn more.


Kellie45 · 16/09/2022 10:02

NovaDeltas · 16/09/2022 08:55

Not really, no. Children brought up around the importance of education, lots of books, educated parents etc, they love school. The ones we see with fake illnesses and bad behaviour come from the disordered families where academic prowess gets them called 'little swots', where absence and sickness are rewarded and where bad behaviour is praised as 'just the way they are'. Those families spread and encourage that behaviour among themselves by swapping tales of their kids' various needs and demands and declare it's all the school's fault.

I wonder if people who say this sort of thing have actually brought up kids! I’m afraid kids are individuals and experience shows that the theory and the practice don’t always go together. In fact they are often wide apart.


mumnosbest · 16/09/2022 10:03

All 3 DC (17, 14 and 10) hate getting out of bed.

DS has never loved or hated school but just gets on with it and chose to stay on for sixth form so it can't be that bad
DD1 finds it boring but is a social butterfly and really missed it during lockdown.
DD2 enjoys school.

As a teacher, I'd say even the children who seem miserable as they come in, say they hate school or find it challenging enjoy some aspects of the day. I can't think of any child who doesn't smile at some point every day, whether it's their favorite subject, break times with friends or chatting to a favourite adult.


Wearefoooked22 · 16/09/2022 10:05

Yes mine hate school.


Tohaveandtohold · 16/09/2022 10:06

Mine loves school, she may not like to wake up and faff about for 5-10 minutes but afterwards, she’s good. Close to the end of term, I can see she’s visibly tired but still likes to go to school


RewildingAmbridge · 16/09/2022 10:07

I loved school, never complained my brother want keen on doing the actual work but always got up and went to school wanting to see his friends.
My nieces happily go to school every day, DS asks to go to preschool on days he's not even meant to be there.
Friends' children all enjoy school, in fact recently when over suddenly didn't want to go it was evident there was a real problem (he'd overheard mum taking about a medical issue and thought it was much worse than it was so didn't want to leave her).


MrsSkylerWhite · 16/09/2022 10:08

Ours both enjoyed it.
they both adult now though, so maybe school settings have deteriorated.


mondaytosunday · 16/09/2022 10:12

Not hate, but certainly not love!
My daughter was dreading going back to school a couple weeks ago (upper sixth) but said yesterday that school was 'good' at the moment. The idea of it worse than the reality!


StClare101 · 16/09/2022 10:14

No mine are perfectly happy to go and want to go early. My nephew on the other hand is in the throes of full blown school refusal poor kid.


bigbeautifulmonster · 16/09/2022 10:17

Doesn't age play an enormous part?

I remember when I was about 10 trying it on when I was due to hand in homework I hadn't completed.


pompomdaisy · 16/09/2022 10:27

My daughter attends an online school with kids from all over the world. She really likes it. Plus non of the rubbish that schools tell you kids need but they don't really!


Needmorelego · 16/09/2022 10:28

@ThisisCollie2022 I remember loving 'project' work too at school - or rather in secondary it was the coursework that went towards your final GCSE grade. I loved my GCSE Maths coursework. Pages and pages of statistics, analysis, bar graphs and pie charts. All beautifully (hand) written up by me, graphics coloured in, stapled together with a cover sheet like a little mini book. I loved doing those. I worked hard on them, proud to hand them in and best of all it went towards my final grade.
Now there's no coursework and it's all exam 😕


AloysiusBear · 16/09/2022 10:31

None of the kids in my extended family (9 in total) are like this. They enjoy school and walk in happily.


AloysiusBear · 16/09/2022 10:35

Oh and lots of teachers in my family who have said that over the years they see a pattern of parents who are negative about their own school experience affirming and sympathising at any moment their child shows any reluctance and that this really doesnt help.


MrsAvocet · 16/09/2022 10:39

No, none of mine have been/are unhappy and they are all better at getting out of bed in the morning than me! I've always believed them if they've said they're not feeling well enough to go, as it's very infrequent.
Well obviously they've all had their moments and there's been the odd day when they've moaned about going and a couple of subjects/teachers in secondary that they weren't keen on, but overall they've all had very good school experiences. There's certainly a lot more positive to say about their schools than negative. Compared to when I was at school both the curriculum and extracurricular activities they've been offered are much more varied and interesting. Even their school dinners are good.


edwinbear · 16/09/2022 10:41

I've never had this problem, and I've not heard any of DC's friends parents having this problem either. In fact I quite often have the opposite issue, last Friday DD (Y6) had a bit of a tummy ache but insisted she wanted to go to school because she didn't want to miss netball. I've also had the school nurse call and tell me DD had been sick, but was refusing to come home because she had a hockey match - but please could I come and collect her because, well, she'd been sick and clearly had to go home.

DS (Y9) is a swimmer and happily up at 6am for 7am school squad training. They both absolutely loathed being off school for lockdown and during the handful of self isolation periods they had to do.


poorchurchmouse · 16/09/2022 10:45

DD loved primary, not very keen on secondary. I hated secondary (though sixth form wasn’t too bad). I stuck at it as a means to an end (university). I think it’s doing kids a disservice to pretend most of it is enjoyable, especially in a sausage factory exam culture.


amyboo · 16/09/2022 10:45

2 kids in primary, 1 in secondary. None of them have ever hated school or not wanted to go. The only time DS2 didn't want to go was when he'd had a fight with a boy the day before and he was scared to go in as he knew he's have to see the headteacher...

If they really hate going that much and are making excuses, could it be that there is a reason? Bullying, difficulty with what they're learning, etc?

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