What mental health hell is this

[Breakingpoint2]

Absolutely can't do this anymore.

I've spent the whole week in a near constant state of panic. No idea why. Heart racing, feeling like I can't catch a breath and am suffocating. Just all day.

Unfortunately this is the week my baby has decided to go from sleeping through to screaming for 3 or 4 solid hours in the middle of the night.

The insanity of trying to soothe him, holding my breath thinking he is finally asleep just for him to stir and start again. I can not cope with another minute. I don't feel in control of my brain anymore I want to scream, just feel like I am slowly going insane.

My body feels like it's breaking down. I'm hurting and itching all over, just so itchy. Can this be anxiety? I'm absolutely falling apart.

Hi OP. Are you alone? If so please call for help now family, friends or Samaratins. You obviously need help asap and hopefully you can then move forward. How old is your baby? It sounds like PND. Please reach out for help tonight. Sending you a hug. I wish I could come and help you. 💐

You poor thing. Sleep deprivation is a nightmare. Do you think it's that causing the panic or do you struggle with your mental health aside from that?

Thank you so much @Thedogscollar , I'm crying that someone cares enough to respond. Baby is a year old, I've never felt as bad as this, but baby just started nursery so we've almost stopped breastfeeding, maybe it's causing some hormonal shift? I was so happy just like 2 weeks ago, how can it get so bad so fast?

DH is here, how he can sleep through such horrendous screaming I have no idea but it makes me so mad. He's very helpful and would want me to wake him up but baby will only scream unless attached to my nipple so what's the fucking point...

Bless you. I’m going to try and find the right words for you , I’m not sure I can but I’ll try. My oldest daughter has an 8 week old and is experiencing a very similar thing. I told her , the girl I love most in the world the following..
you are going through something pretty much every mum does , that doesn’t make it easy and it’s not to minimise the hell youre experiencing, but it’s pretty common . We are human , we require certain things to make us function and sleep is one of them . You’re fucked up because you’re ridiculously tired , I was hallucinating at one point from baby sleep deprivation , it was terrifying and I was scared that would make me harm my child , make a mistake that would break them . I didn’t . You won’t either . The most helpful thing you can do is focus on yourself for a moment in time, are you hungry? Grab a sweet snack . If you smoke go have a cigarette . Then return to the task refreshed . Baby is tired too, they will sleep , they’re just not happy right now . Deep breath and then go through the list of stuff they need , if they’re still fussy they need comfort . Put on your favourite music and sway/ dance to it with them on your shoulder . Focus on relaxing yourself as the baby needs to feel you relaxed to chill themselves. Vent . Text your sister or best friend and tell them what a fucking nightmare you’re going through , then remember to text them back again when you feel better so they don’t worry if you go to sleep. Remember you are not failing or doing anything wrong , this shit is just hard and we all go a little crazy with it . If you can’t relax and feel safe after trying all this then ask someone for help , there is no shame in it . Most likely though , you’ll come through this and be a bit tougher for it, the next madness will cut a bit shallower .I pray you get some rest. I’m rooting for you and I’m here if you just need to vent more x

Tiredness definitely always triggers my anxiety, like my body can't cope with too much adrenaline. But in this case the panic in the day started before the bad nights.

I have mild anxiety occasionally but wouldn't say I really struggle with it. It's not helping the panic as I'm now worried I'm broken and will be like this forever. Or that there is something wrong with me physically and I'm going to die. Why am I so itchy?

Do wake up you husband and tell him how you feel right now and that you need help. Get an appointment booked tomorrow with your GP for yourself and baby and tell the receptionist it's an emergency.

Please wake up your DH. You’ll at least feel less alone. Sending strength and love to you.

Yes, it sounds very much like anxiety. I would try to speak to your hv tomorrow and consider making a GP appointment.

In the short term, get yourself and the baby safe and comfortable. Yes, baby might scream, but it will end and they aren't being harmed. Try to breath normally. It used to help me to accept that the baby wasn't going to sleep and put a funny TV show on (Father Ted was my middle of the night viewing) rather than constantly trying to get them to sleep.

Treat yourself gently, it sounds awful.

I missed that you have another adult in the house. Definitely wake your partner, they need to take over with the baby.

Gosh thank you @Overthisnow98 this has me in tears. How much I needed to hear this was mine was so little. I was so desperate to hear this from my mum, who sadly passed away. Definitely failing like a failure for not coping this week so will remember your words

And your daughter is very lucky to have you

The baby is now asleep. He is so beautiful and I feel awful for feeling frustrated earlier. Just no idea how to sleep now when my body's all tensed up and it takes so much effort to breathe.

I know I need to get help, I am just so fed up of being such a failure. I have everything to be happy and my brain is ruining everything. I don't want to say my baby deserves better but really he does.

I really feel for you and was in a similar position not too long ago, it's awful and can feel so lonely!
I second waking up your husband for a bit of support. In my experience my husband did not understand how bad I was feeling until I really spelt it out because he was having such a different experience. Ended up going to GP and a course of group counselling with other new mums. Really helped x

Meant to say went to GP and started medication

Please wake your husband and show him what you wrote. Don't just tell him your anxious, tired etc. He needs to know the extent of it. Then go to another room and sleep. Wouldn't you want your partner to do the same?

As a fellow sufferer of severe anxiety I could suggest a couple of things , are you aware of the ‘dive reflex ‘ which works in a panic attack? Basically we get caught in a feedback cycle on the HPA axis where your heart rate and adrenaline production are winding each other up. If we submerse our face in cold water it makes our heart rate slow down immediately ( because we used to be dolphins and our body thinks we are under water ) so it’s a physiological ‘hack’ to take the edge off acute stress and panic. I only mention it because I’ve had success before with it. Sometimes it gives us just enough of a slow down to have clarity of thought and decide to , as others have suggested wake your child’s other parent and clearly explain to them your have reached your limit and you need to recharge and reset. Don’t be a hero , I left mine asleep because he has a job that was ‘important and dangerous if he was tired’ until the point I’d gone absolutely bonkers . He was more than capable of stepping up for a couple of hours and I still couldn’t sleep and listened to every noise from the other room because I’d got to the stage I didn’t trust him with our baby , but he did a fine job and just laying in the dark and quiet in the next room gave me just a bit of sanity back. You’ve probably been trying too hard , you probably have been doing an amazing job and you’ve forgotten to look after yourself a bit . You most likely need some carbs and a bit of shut eye. Tell him .

Anxiety can make you itchy.
Ask GP for propanonol.
Wake your DH for company. I’m sure he would want you to.

I think you are an amazing and strong lady and I’m glad those words offered some comfort . My daughter is going through the same thing and I wish I could do more for her but I have a son who has special needs so sometimes I can only give her words when I’d like to say ‘pop over then , drop little one off’. You’ve got this though, the fact you vented here and then got things sorted shows that you have everything in you to get over the hard times . I promise you , even the most Instagram , smug , perfect yummy mummy has sat on the landing and cried at 3am . I have a theory that the love we have for these kids , when they go through their obnoxious phases , telling us they hate us etc in the years ahead , that this time when they break us down , send us nuts and reconstruct us as insomniac baby crazies is all preparation for that, we survive this? We’re ready for all their drama . I hope you get some Kip now x

Yes sleep deprivation gave me the rage - my firstborn was an awful sleeper. Now she's a teen - I can see she is a night owl and will delay going to bed as long as possible but alas she does sleep through these days. One day your baby will be grown and you'll probably struggle to get him out of bed!
Your body is feeling rough because you need some rest but probably stuck in a high alert state waiting for baby to wake again. I also worked night shifts for some years - I used to get hay-fever symptoms (rise in histamine caused by disrupted circadian rhythm) and it's not good for mental health either. So yes lack of sleep causes all sorts of problems. One thing working night shift teaches you is to take sleep or just little naps where you can get them - don't expect the perfect 8hr sleep. Try to rest, physically and mentally, as much as you can, when you can.

www.mamamend.com/postpartum-health/itchy-skin-postpartum

Interesting info

OP, I sympathise with everything you're going through; it's hell. Exhaustion drives us mad, and you're wired to be a magnificent caring mother, which makes the frustration when a baby isn't happy almost unbearable. Dont despair!

When my baby was screaming through every night at three weeks, many years ago, I was in such sleepless misery I seriously thought of jumping out of the window with him in my arms to end it all.

What saved my sanity was advice to stop expecting to sleep at night, and to temporarily treat the night like the day. So I went to sleep for a couple of hours earlier in the evening, then woke ip at midnight expecting to be awake. I planned programmes to watch, things to eat, and stopped hoping he'd sleep / if he did, I read. But at 7 in the morning I knew my shift would end; I put in earplugs and went to sleep for three blissful off-duty hours. Could you possibly plan something like that? Once I stopped expecting the baby to sleep a huge amount of rage and stress dissipated.

meanwhile if you're still finding it hard to sleep yourself, this is a short 15 minute yoga nidra meditation which I've found very helpful -you don't need to do anything except lie down and listen. (My husband always falls asleep before the end, and he doesn't believe in any if this stuff)

open.spotify.com/track/1t3ZpL4XE227RowSXrlV9z?si=P_RHCfo9TKyl2BuuQhXfXA

.

I was thinking thyroid when I read l saw the combo of dry skin and anxiety, it would be worth getting tested op. I hope things are looking brighter for you very soon.

Sleeping through to waking again can feel worse at first then when you were used to them waking.

When my toddler suddenly dropped night feeds and my milk supply tanked, my moods were all over the place & I was angry and tearful. It lasted about 3 weeks, and passed. It was my hormones and it was awful.

Both of these things with be contributing to your you are feeling. Please get support and wake your husband.

When the frequency of breast feeding reduces you get changes in hormone levels that can cause anxiety and depression. I really struggled with it when I went back to work and only breast fed overnight and again when I stopped breastfeeding altogether. I just felt like I lost the will to live. I knew it would be temporary but it was so hard, I think it lasted 6-8 weeks until I felt like myself again. My DD was also still waking multiple times a night at 15 months so the sleep deprivation didn't help.
I found this article quite helpful, it also helped my DP understand what a hard time I was having.... www.parents.com/baby/breastfeeding/weaning/post-weaning-depression-is-a-thing-and-its-time-we-start-talking-about-it/
Hope you start to feel better soon x

I feel your pain. I'm going through the same thing as you right now. The itchy body, the anxiety, the sleep deprivation, the baby crying- oh that is the biggest trigger....
Feeling incompetent at everything. Feeling alone. Surrounded by ppl, yet alone. My mums advise is stop feeling like this. Saying so doesn't make it go away. Mine started 4 months ago. Baby had just turned 4 months. She got a neck rash that only got worse and worse. It turned out to be a reflection of my own anxiety rash(I made my baby sick too).
Only thing I'm good at is getting overwhelmed, screaming, and then crying. I've gone from being the worlds best mum to my first born to worst with 2nd.

Only thing that helped was feeling, remembering the feeling of being relaxed. I can't do my usual relaxing things, nature walk, yoga, retail therapy, mediation. But looking at old photos of happy relaxing memories help. And an outdoor baby group I went too yesterday.
Apparently looking at your baby is supposed to help, but I don't see her, so don't help me.

Being alone with my thoughts are scary times. My husband is a mental health medical professional, but still not helpful. You have to fix yourself.

Get sleep. Find a happy thought, immerse yourself in it(scratching myself intensely gives me this feeling too-but that's not healthy, husband says it's like self harm- physical activity like squatting does help release that energy) side lining sorry.

Sleep
Eat and drink
Shower
Happy thoughts
Exercise
Outdoors/nature walking
Massage
Get away from baby for a little time
And yes stopping bf fucks up your hormones, sorry your feeling this.it'll settle.
I know how bad it is. Sending you love hugs peace of mind.

Perhaps we should remember this too shall pass (like every other baby phase) we will be relaxed and calm and itch free again. X