What mental health hell is this

[Breakingpoint2]

Absolutely can't do this anymore.

I've spent the whole week in a near constant state of panic. No idea why. Heart racing, feeling like I can't catch a breath and am suffocating. Just all day.

Unfortunately this is the week my baby has decided to go from sleeping through to screaming for 3 or 4 solid hours in the middle of the night.

The insanity of trying to soothe him, holding my breath thinking he is finally asleep just for him to stir and start again. I can not cope with another minute. I don't feel in control of my brain anymore I want to scream, just feel like I am slowly going insane.

My body feels like it's breaking down. I'm hurting and itching all over, just so itchy. Can this be anxiety? I'm absolutely falling apart.

[LittleBoPeepHasLostHerShit]

During the most stressful time of my life I developed itchy hives and urticaria (swelling, in my case of the ankles, face and lips.) You're going through extreme physical and mental stress right now. I remember those nights with dread, it was like living in a grey fog. I hope the sleep situation improves very soon.

[ScatteredMama82]

You said you've stopped feeding, could you have mastitis?

[Breakingpoint2]

I'm also amazed at how many people have felt like this before and so sorry for everyone who has suffered. I wish it was talked about more.

Emotionally i definitely feel similar to that first week after birth, but in the early days you expect it and can hide at home with a newborn.

I am finding it hard to carry on as normal, being out and about, as well as working, when I feel so bad mentally.

[Breakingpoint2]

Thank you all.

@Bootsandcat I have had various symptoms this week like heartburn and abdominal pain after eating and i think this is partly what triggered my anxiety too as I started googling and worrying I ahd stomach cancer. It becomes so difficult to differentiate what's anxiety and what requires medical attention.

I also have a sore throat and blocked nose today and baby a mild fever so I'm also wondering if it may be covid. I have read threads on here where people said it's given them a sense of dread and given them insomnia. Who knows!

But I hope I come out the other side soon!

[Shineshinecoast10]

@Breakingpoint2

Tiredness definitely always triggers my anxiety, like my body can't cope with too much adrenaline. But in this case the panic in the day started before the bad nights.

I have mild anxiety occasionally but wouldn't say I really struggle with it. It's not helping the panic as I'm now worried I'm broken and will be like this forever. Or that there is something wrong with me physically and I'm going to die. Why am I so itchy?

OP I've been where you are. It's horrible. I cried and cried and wondered why my child wouldn't sleep and felt anger and sadness and all the emotions.
I also had PND and anxiety. I didn't seek help until much later but I was put on a certain anti depressant that helps with anxiety and it really helps.
The lack of sleep is making it all so much worse. Can you husband have baby duty one night so you can rest? Or even a few hours so you can nap? You obviously need help and support around you and from your OP it doesn't sound like you have it

[longtompot]

@Annettebee

www.mamamend.com/postpartum-health/itchy-skin-postpartum

Interesting info

That is interesting to read, especially how or ones can make your skin feel like that. I am currently at the other end of the spectrum and having the itching due to hrt and it is awful enough without having a baby who is a bit unhappy too, so I really do feel for you. I have had a few nights where my heart has been racing but not quite panic attack.

But the feeling you are going mad with the sleepless nights reminded me of one night with my first born. A non sleeper unless fed to sleep. I suddenly woke up in the night thinking I'd fallen asleep feeding her, switched on the light and was frantically looking through the bedding and she was safe asleep in her cot. I guess every night had become a blur and I just hadn't remembered putting her back to bed.
I hope your call with the gp goes well and they offer some advice. In the meantime I have found E45 itchy skin relief really helps relieve some of the itching

[CoffeeInTheClouds]

I will never forget those long, sleepless nights feeling like you are going insane and fearing that you will never sleep again. At the time if felt like torture.

The anxiety is very likely hormonal. I have recently identified that the mini pill has a terrible effect on my mental health. Anxiety, depression and rage that is totally unlike me. Looking back to when my two were little, I wonder if what my husband thought was pnd, and what I wrote off as being exhaustion from lack of sleep, was actually a side effect of the pill.

I think we underestimate what effect hormones have on every aspect of our health, couple that with sleepless nights and there is no wonder we struggle!

Go easy on yourself, and I do hope the GP will be able to help balance things out for you.

[Bootsandcat]

Speak to the GP about the palpitation and struggling to breath, they were my only symptoms when I had blood clots in my lungs

[Breakingpoint2]

Thank you so much all, it's not the first time mumsnet comes to my rescue in those dark, lonely hours.

Feeling mentally better this morning but still getting the annoying physical symptoms, heart palpitations and struggling to breathe.

I will call the gp and get a thyroid check. It's also nice to know a few of you have gone through the same thing when stopping BF. It makes me feel like it's perhaps not my fault then and everything will be OK in the end.

To PP who mentioned considering jumping out of the window, this exact thought crossed my mind too, scary. Seems completely ridiculous now, but so real in the middle of the night.

I am honestly not that sleep deprived at the moment and even when I am I don't usually have thoughts like this at all so there must be something going on.

I can get anxious, but never angry or depressed. I was all 3 last night. I also seem to burst into tears at the drop of a pin. At school drop off this morning for my eldest, I saw two children hugging and I just instantly started crying at how cute they were. What the hell. What a rough ride.

[ShirleyPhallus]

I felt absolutely awful the few weeks after stopping BFing. Deep anxiety and depression. No one talks about the hormone shift and how it can affect your moods.

it will pass but please speak to a dr and know you’re not alone. Wake your husband up and get him to put baby in a sling if that would soothe him.

[MoonlightMedicine]

I suffered really badly when I dropped feeds, every time. At the end when we actually stopped it floored me and I felt just like you did. It did pass once the hormones settled. Hang in there x

[MarshaMelrose]

You have a loving husband and a happy, healthy, if somewhat noisy, baby. That sounds like being a long way from failure to me. You actually sound very successful. Don't worry what anyone else thinks, they'll have forgotten within 5 minutes. Get help for yourself, you're the most important person in this situation.

[UmmMaryam2019]

I feel your pain. I'm going through the same thing as you right now. The itchy body, the anxiety, the sleep deprivation, the baby crying- oh that is the biggest trigger....
Feeling incompetent at everything. Feeling alone. Surrounded by ppl, yet alone. My mums advise is stop feeling like this. Saying so doesn't make it go away. Mine started 4 months ago. Baby had just turned 4 months. She got a neck rash that only got worse and worse. It turned out to be a reflection of my own anxiety rash(I made my baby sick too).
Only thing I'm good at is getting overwhelmed, screaming, and then crying. I've gone from being the worlds best mum to my first born to worst with 2nd.

Only thing that helped was feeling, remembering the feeling of being relaxed. I can't do my usual relaxing things, nature walk, yoga, retail therapy, mediation. But looking at old photos of happy relaxing memories help. And an outdoor baby group I went too yesterday.
Apparently looking at your baby is supposed to help, but I don't see her, so don't help me.

Being alone with my thoughts are scary times. My husband is a mental health medical professional, but still not helpful. You have to fix yourself.

Get sleep. Find a happy thought, immerse yourself in it(scratching myself intensely gives me this feeling too-but that's not healthy, husband says it's like self harm- physical activity like squatting does help release that energy) side lining sorry.

Sleep
Eat and drink
Shower
Happy thoughts
Exercise
Outdoors/nature walking
Massage
Get away from baby for a little time
And yes stopping bf fucks up your hormones, sorry your feeling this.it'll settle.
I know how bad it is. Sending you love hugs peace of mind.

Perhaps we should remember this too shall pass (like every other baby phase) we will be relaxed and calm and itch free again. X

[Oatsamazing]

When the frequency of breast feeding reduces you get changes in hormone levels that can cause anxiety and depression. I really struggled with it when I went back to work and only breast fed overnight and again when I stopped breastfeeding altogether. I just felt like I lost the will to live. I knew it would be temporary but it was so hard, I think it lasted 6-8 weeks until I felt like myself again. My DD was also still waking multiple times a night at 15 months so the sleep deprivation didn't help.
I found this article quite helpful, it also helped my DP understand what a hard time I was having.... www.parents.com/baby/breastfeeding/weaning/post-weaning-depression-is-a-thing-and-its-time-we-start-talking-about-it/
Hope you start to feel better soon x

[Somuchgoo]

Sleeping through to waking again can feel worse at first then when you were used to them waking.

When my toddler suddenly dropped night feeds and my milk supply tanked, my moods were all over the place & I was angry and tearful. It lasted about 3 weeks, and passed. It was my hormones and it was awful.

Both of these things with be contributing to your you are feeling. Please get support and wake your husband.

[Onebrokentoe]

@Annettebee

www.mamamend.com/postpartum-health/itchy-skin-postpartum

Interesting info

I was thinking thyroid when I read l saw the combo of dry skin and anxiety, it would be worth getting tested op. I hope things are looking brighter for you very soon.

[cloudrunner]

OP, I sympathise with everything you're going through; it's hell. Exhaustion drives us mad, and you're wired to be a magnificent caring mother, which makes the frustration when a baby isn't happy almost unbearable. Dont despair!

When my baby was screaming through every night at three weeks, many years ago, I was in such sleepless misery I seriously thought of jumping out of the window with him in my arms to end it all.

What saved my sanity was advice to stop expecting to sleep at night, and to temporarily treat the night like the day. So I went to sleep for a couple of hours earlier in the evening, then woke ip at midnight expecting to be awake. I planned programmes to watch, things to eat, and stopped hoping he'd sleep / if he did, I read. But at 7 in the morning I knew my shift would end; I put in earplugs and went to sleep for three blissful off-duty hours. Could you possibly plan something like that? Once I stopped expecting the baby to sleep a huge amount of rage and stress dissipated.

meanwhile if you're still finding it hard to sleep yourself, this is a short 15 minute yoga nidra meditation which I've found very helpful -you don't need to do anything except lie down and listen. (My husband always falls asleep before the end, and he doesn't believe in any if this stuff)

open.spotify.com/track/1t3ZpL4XE227RowSXrlV9z?si=P_RHCfo9TKyl2BuuQhXfXA






.

[Annettebee]

www.mamamend.com/postpartum-health/itchy-skin-postpartum

Interesting info

[aintnothinbutagstring]

Yes sleep deprivation gave me the rage - my firstborn was an awful sleeper. Now she's a teen - I can see she is a night owl and will delay going to bed as long as possible but alas she does sleep through these days. One day your baby will be grown and you'll probably struggle to get him out of bed!
Your body is feeling rough because you need some rest but probably stuck in a high alert state waiting for baby to wake again. I also worked night shifts for some years - I used to get hay-fever symptoms (rise in histamine caused by disrupted circadian rhythm) and it's not good for mental health either. So yes lack of sleep causes all sorts of problems. One thing working night shift teaches you is to take sleep or just little naps where you can get them - don't expect the perfect 8hr sleep. Try to rest, physically and mentally, as much as you can, when you can.

[Overthisnow98]

@Breakingpoint2

Gosh thank you @Overthisnow98 this has me in tears. How much I needed to hear this was mine was so little. I was so desperate to hear this from my mum, who sadly passed away. Definitely failing like a failure for not coping this week so will remember your words

I think you are an amazing and strong lady and I’m glad those words offered some comfort . My daughter is going through the same thing and I wish I could do more for her but I have a son who has special needs so sometimes I can only give her words when I’d like to say ‘pop over then , drop little one off’. You’ve got this though, the fact you vented here and then got things sorted shows that you have everything in you to get over the hard times . I promise you , even the most Instagram , smug , perfect yummy mummy has sat on the landing and cried at 3am . I have a theory that the love we have for these kids , when they go through their obnoxious phases , telling us they hate us etc in the years ahead , that this time when they break us down , send us nuts and reconstruct us as insomniac baby crazies is all preparation for that, we survive this? We’re ready for all their drama . I hope you get some Kip now x

[WorriedAuntie43]

Anxiety can make you itchy.
Ask GP for propanonol.
Wake your DH for company. I’m sure he would want you to.

[Overthisnow98]

As a fellow sufferer of severe anxiety I could suggest a couple of things , are you aware of the ‘dive reflex ‘ which works in a panic attack? Basically we get caught in a feedback cycle on the HPA axis where your heart rate and adrenaline production are winding each other up. If we submerse our face in cold water it makes our heart rate slow down immediately ( because we used to be dolphins and our body thinks we are under water ) so it’s a physiological ‘hack’ to take the edge off acute stress and panic. I only mention it because I’ve had success before with it. Sometimes it gives us just enough of a slow down to have clarity of thought and decide to , as others have suggested wake your child’s other parent and clearly explain to them your have reached your limit and you need to recharge and reset. Don’t be a hero , I left mine asleep because he has a job that was ‘important and dangerous if he was tired’ until the point I’d gone absolutely bonkers . He was more than capable of stepping up for a couple of hours and I still couldn’t sleep and listened to every noise from the other room because I’d got to the stage I didn’t trust him with our baby , but he did a fine job and just laying in the dark and quiet in the next room gave me just a bit of sanity back. You’ve probably been trying too hard , you probably have been doing an amazing job and you’ve forgotten to look after yourself a bit . You most likely need some carbs and a bit of shut eye. Tell him .

[Vecna]

Please wake your husband and show him what you wrote. Don't just tell him your anxious, tired etc. He needs to know the extent of it. Then go to another room and sleep. Wouldn't you want your partner to do the same?

[Willowrose63]

Meant to say went to GP and started medication

[Willowrose63]

I really feel for you and was in a similar position not too long ago, it's awful and can feel so lonely!
I second waking up your husband for a bit of support. In my experience my husband did not understand how bad I was feeling until I really spelt it out because he was having such a different experience. Ended up going to GP and a course of group counselling with other new mums. Really helped x