What mental health hell is this

[Breakingpoint2]

Absolutely can't do this anymore.

I've spent the whole week in a near constant state of panic. No idea why. Heart racing, feeling like I can't catch a breath and am suffocating. Just all day.

Unfortunately this is the week my baby has decided to go from sleeping through to screaming for 3 or 4 solid hours in the middle of the night.

The insanity of trying to soothe him, holding my breath thinking he is finally asleep just for him to stir and start again. I can not cope with another minute. I don't feel in control of my brain anymore I want to scream, just feel like I am slowly going insane.

My body feels like it's breaking down. I'm hurting and itching all over, just so itchy. Can this be anxiety? I'm absolutely falling apart.

You have a loving husband and a happy, healthy, if somewhat noisy, baby. That sounds like being a long way from failure to me. You actually sound very successful. Don't worry what anyone else thinks, they'll have forgotten within 5 minutes. Get help for yourself, you're the most important person in this situation.

I suffered really badly when I dropped feeds, every time. At the end when we actually stopped it floored me and I felt just like you did. It did pass once the hormones settled. Hang in there x

I felt absolutely awful the few weeks after stopping BFing. Deep anxiety and depression. No one talks about the hormone shift and how it can affect your moods.

it will pass but please speak to a dr and know you’re not alone. Wake your husband up and get him to put baby in a sling if that would soothe him.

Thank you so much all, it's not the first time mumsnet comes to my rescue in those dark, lonely hours.

Feeling mentally better this morning but still getting the annoying physical symptoms, heart palpitations and struggling to breathe.

I will call the gp and get a thyroid check. It's also nice to know a few of you have gone through the same thing when stopping BF. It makes me feel like it's perhaps not my fault then and everything will be OK in the end.

To PP who mentioned considering jumping out of the window, this exact thought crossed my mind too, scary. Seems completely ridiculous now, but so real in the middle of the night.

I am honestly not that sleep deprived at the moment and even when I am I don't usually have thoughts like this at all so there must be something going on.

I can get anxious, but never angry or depressed. I was all 3 last night. I also seem to burst into tears at the drop of a pin. At school drop off this morning for my eldest, I saw two children hugging and I just instantly started crying at how cute they were. What the hell. What a rough ride.

Speak to the GP about the palpitation and struggling to breath, they were my only symptoms when I had blood clots in my lungs

I will never forget those long, sleepless nights feeling like you are going insane and fearing that you will never sleep again. At the time if felt like torture.

The anxiety is very likely hormonal. I have recently identified that the mini pill has a terrible effect on my mental health. Anxiety, depression and rage that is totally unlike me. Looking back to when my two were little, I wonder if what my husband thought was pnd, and what I wrote off as being exhaustion from lack of sleep, was actually a side effect of the pill.

I think we underestimate what effect hormones have on every aspect of our health, couple that with sleepless nights and there is no wonder we struggle!

Go easy on yourself, and I do hope the GP will be able to help balance things out for you.

That is interesting to read, especially how or ones can make your skin feel like that. I am currently at the other end of the spectrum and having the itching due to hrt and it is awful enough without having a baby who is a bit unhappy too, so I really do feel for you. I have had a few nights where my heart has been racing but not quite panic attack.

But the feeling you are going mad with the sleepless nights reminded me of one night with my first born. A non sleeper unless fed to sleep. I suddenly woke up in the night thinking I'd fallen asleep feeding her, switched on the light and was frantically looking through the bedding and she was safe asleep in her cot. I guess every night had become a blur and I just hadn't remembered putting her back to bed.
I hope your call with the gp goes well and they offer some advice. In the meantime I have found E45 itchy skin relief really helps relieve some of the itching

OP I've been where you are. It's horrible. I cried and cried and wondered why my child wouldn't sleep and felt anger and sadness and all the emotions.
I also had PND and anxiety. I didn't seek help until much later but I was put on a certain anti depressant that helps with anxiety and it really helps.
The lack of sleep is making it all so much worse. Can you husband have baby duty one night so you can rest? Or even a few hours so you can nap? You obviously need help and support around you and from your OP it doesn't sound like you have it

Thank you all.

@Bootsandcat I have had various symptoms this week like heartburn and abdominal pain after eating and i think this is partly what triggered my anxiety too as I started googling and worrying I ahd stomach cancer. It becomes so difficult to differentiate what's anxiety and what requires medical attention.

I also have a sore throat and blocked nose today and baby a mild fever so I'm also wondering if it may be covid. I have read threads on here where people said it's given them a sense of dread and given them insomnia. Who knows!

But I hope I come out the other side soon!

I'm also amazed at how many people have felt like this before and so sorry for everyone who has suffered. I wish it was talked about more.

Emotionally i definitely feel similar to that first week after birth, but in the early days you expect it and can hide at home with a newborn.

I am finding it hard to carry on as normal, being out and about, as well as working, when I feel so bad mentally.

You said you've stopped feeding, could you have mastitis?

During the most stressful time of my life I developed itchy hives and urticaria (swelling, in my case of the ankles, face and lips.) You're going through extreme physical and mental stress right now. I remember those nights with dread, it was like living in a grey fog. I hope the sleep situation improves very soon.

I know this is an old thread but it really helped me reading it as I'm having similar mental health issues on stopping breastfeeding.

I hope you recovered soon after this OP. If you are still around I'd really like to know what happened following this.