Shit date suggestions. Is it my fault?

[Heytheredeliah]

On online dating, I kept getting really bad date suggestions like walks around the park and guys coming over to watch a movie. I have read previous threads on Mumsnet about walk dates and other posters also think they aren't a great first date.

I don't know why I kept getting such bad date suggestions. My friends who also did online dating never got asked on walk dates or coming over to watch a movie. I am sure it must be something to do with me. Could it be something to do with my profile?

I like the idea of a walk for a date, as long as you go somewhere populated.
If you don't get on then at least you've had some fresh air and exercise, and you haven't spent a load of money.

Decent men don't need dating apps.

Men outnumber women on dating apps. They go on there because they want no commitment and because they already repelled the real life women. Women are told these apps are the way when they're just filled with the dregs other women wouldn't go near.

@NovaDeltas

Neither do decent women

Most accept when you have to resort to online dating you're scraping the barrel on both sides

It's not you. It's the fact that most men on OLD are cheapskates wanting to invest minimum time for maximum reward.

If they unmatch you for daring to ask for more than a shitty walk date then you don't want to be meeting them anyway! Anyone who suggests coming to your house is at best just looking for a shag and at worst a serial killer!

😂😂 I take it @NovaDeltas and @broodybadger either have no idea of dating apps and/or are just trying to be, bizarrely, deliberately spiteful. Not sure why you would be to strangers.

Anyway. Of course they contain decent men and women. Depending on your age, job, hobbies and location, you might not have the opportunity to meet people organically. you could be Scarlet Johansen but if you live in a tiny village, work from home and your hobby is knitting, you ain't gonna meet any men.

I was on a dating site a few years ago, well 20 years ago. I met lots of ladies and with nearly all of them the first "date" was going to a restaurant for a meal. I usually paid for the meal. Sometimes there was no spark and no second date, I met about 20 different ladies and if I am honest fancied 7 or 8 after the first date. Sex happened with 6 of them but only twice on the first date.
I met one lady and after the first date I wanted to hug and kiss her but was scared that she would not be keen.
We had a second date, another meal in the same restaurant. she then spent the night at my place, and we have now been married for 18 years.
It can work, I don’t regret any of it (well one person I met was really odd and I escaped as quickly as I could)

No I didn't say that I liked walking

I'd say they're dating a lot and can't afford dinner and drinks every time.

For me, absolutely not film at home, but a walk is OK. Saying that I haven't done OLD, but quite a few "friendships" have moved on after a walk. It's more intimate than going for drinks IMO.

Walk = unimaginative cheapskate wanting to size you up in person before committing to a proper date

Movie at yours = cheapskate looking for a quick shag (preferably after you’ve provided food and drinks)

YANBU avoid both at all costs.

why don't you suggest an alternative OP?

Best first date I ever went on was an archery lesson! Really interesting, we had loads to talk about at lunch after. We didn’t click but we did both have fun.

@MsChatterbox I had pictures of myself wearing a bikini drinking a glass of wine on my OLD profile, all my dates were drinks or meals.
Men on OLD will try it on whatever you wear.
OP, id keep going, like is always said on here, it's a numbers game.

I used to suggest going for drinks but they refused

As others have said a walk somewhere in a public place is a pretty sensible first date suggestion.

If it's not going well you can go your separate ways after a circuit of the park. You're in a public place and assuming it's daytime, relatively safe.

Going for coffee, lunch etc can be added on according to how well it's going.

Sitting in a theatre, cinema, restaurant etc with someone you hardly know and you're not clicking with must be excruciating. Those types of date are better once you know you like each other.

Activities like bowling, tennis, cycling (whatever takes your fancy) are good for breaking the ice.

Having a virtual stranger come into your home to "watch a film". Just no.

I don't see why MN is so against walks as dates.

It makes no sense to me to spend money to have drinks or food with someone you may not get on with IRL.

Do an experiment & don’t suggest any drinks prior to the “date” /meet up. Hardened, ruthless, tight dater males might be seeing even that basic expectation as some kind of agreement prior to even meeting you & they’re keeping their options (ridiculously) open.

So go along, play along & then if & only if you like their company & genuinely would like to extend the time to get to know them more - suggest getting a coffee/drink then.

Although I know that even that can seem like an unspoken admission of liking them which is ridiculous otherwise how is anyone ever going to get to know anyone.

I’d be tempted (for the ones that refuse in advance) to be like I’ve got 15mins to see you & get a good look & decide till I meet the next one & don’t want to fork out anything unnecessarily so shall we meet at 2pm? That good for you? Then block lol.

There must be some decent types prepared to engage in basic social behaviour in order to find a mate. You’d think anyway. But I know how soul destroying OLD can be. It’s definitely not you though.

The ones that won’t - forget about them. They’re not worth it if they don’t even possess basic social skills/respect.

It makes no sense to spend a lot on drinks or food. A single coffee somewhere inexpensive? If you can't spare three quid to begin to get to know a potential partner, you aren't in a position to date.

Walking dates sound utterly shit, especially at this time of year. Getting cold, nose blowing, hair blowing everywhere, nice outfit covered up by coat.

Even a £3 coffee?!

Walks are for cheapskates and people who can’t be arsed to make an effort. I can’t think of anything less appealing than traipsing round the local park in the rain with a stranger while dodging dogs/puddles/push chairs.

Get them to do things for you. A friend of mine asked a date to put her sofa together after she moved house. He was so inept at basic DIY that it put her right off. I once asked a date to help me fetch a piece of furniture because I don't have my own car and a van would have been expensive. This means that even if you don't like them then at least you've got a task done.

Well, if you're talking to multiple people and going on multiple first dates, lots of £3 coffees quickly add up. Men are also often expected to pay for their dates' coffee as well, so two coffees plus some cake or something can quickly add up over the week or the month.

If the "cheapskate" walk goes well, you can always go and grab a coffee afterwards. I'd just rather not invest too much time or money on a total stranger that I've never met in person before, I guess.

I agree a coffee date is totally appropriate. I'd be a bit hmm I'd they wouldn't agree to that.
Friends have had more luck in paid dating services as not seem to be men who are actually interested in dating

I don’t understand, me and my DH met on a drunken night out, he said he’d like to go on a date, we arranged to go for a walk, ended up at nice country pub and it was a great 1st date! Married with 3 kids and a mortgage now 😊

Dont look too much into it OP and enjoy dating!

Or.. you make the suggestions and ask them out for what you’d like to do? We’re in 2022 not 1952, you don’t ask, you don’t get and you should go get em!!! 😉

Well, the world would be a boring place if we were all the same.

I just don't think you need to be willing to spend money to date or be in a relationship. A single £3 coffee might not be a big deal financially, but you're probably not going to click with the first person you go for a coffee with.

So, multiple coffees over multiple weeks will soon add up, especially if you're also expected to pay for your dates' coffee on top, plus travel etc.

Yeah, similar with us. DH and I met online but our first date was a (gasp) free walk around a local beauty spot. The walk went well and we got on, so we splashed out £3 each on a meal deal and went for a picnic

I'm not doing OLD so who knows if I'm talking sense or not, but I'd say - just do what you enjoy! If you like coffees, suggest coffees, if you like walks, suggest walks etc. If people don't want to do that - fine, move on to the next profile. That way you'd be having a good time irrespective of the outcome. I'd personally find coffees more boring than walks but we're all different.

A movie on a first date in your own home - absolutely not.