Worried about the situation with DH &living away

[Macbeth8]

I am feeling very anxious.
I have posted on here about my dh starting new career which required him to go on a 17 week training course.

Its been tough, but there is not long left now..in actual fact, it went by quicker than I had anticipated.

But now there is a new dilemma 🙄

For this job, dh has to live near the site. We had discussed relocating but its not ideal for me & the kids at all. I have a teen, Primary schooler and toddler. It would be really unfair to disrupt them.

So dh has been in touch on spareroom.com and will now be a lodger living with another guy (and maybe 2 more) paying £300 a month.

It is absurd! Paying out £300 a month when the cost of living is going up..he has been very bitter and mentioned selling the house as he said it would work out cheaper as the houses in that area are cheap so no mortgage etc.
Its really upset me as in other words he is saying we should split?!
Sell the house and move down there..well how can we when the mkds have their school here
We also both have all our family & friends hre and support network.

I am really worried that he just ends up doing it..I think hes realised contributing to 2 houses is going to be an issue.

Also him living away for 4-5 nights how would our marriage suffice? Has anyone got any experience of this?
I feel so upset for our kids mainly

Did you not say that a house move would make you mortgage free ? If that is the case then you will have spare money to pay for the childcare you are losing from your parents/PIL.

Personally I don't think you were ever interested in moving.

So you have two choices.
Move. The kids will be fine.
You may resent your DH and the marriage will collapse.

Don't move.
A marriage like yours will not survive this degree of separation.

This is very similar to my marriage. He works away. Leaves Sunday afternoon returns Friday eve. He pays around the same in rent for a room close to work in sw England. Our home is nw England. I have the kids here, 12,10 and 5 and am essentially a single parent throughout the week, whilst working and studying. It works for us. We appreciate our time together and his wage has doubled from what it was locally. If his wage was the same it probably wouldn't be worth it.

Thank you for this positive experience.

You also have three kids as well!

Good to know it works

Is trust ever an issue?

So he went on a 17 week training course in order to get a job, miles away and for significantly less money.

I'd stay where you are. He's not respecting your family life. He's doing s as hat he wants to do.

I remember a previous thread of your's.
I also believe that he's checked out of family life.
Keep your children where they are.
Stay where you are.

Oh babe please stop clutching at straws @Macbeth8. Your marriage is nothing like this.

You really can't compare your experience to this person @Macbeth8. Their partners wage has increased and they sound like they have a good marriage. Your partners wage is going to go massively down and you two definitely do not have a good marriage. Your husband clearly has no respect for you or your children, why would he take a job that will pay less and take him away from his family? No loving father or husband would be away from his family for less money. He wants out and it is blatantly obvious. You need to wake up.

It's a very specific definition of policing....most HO forces would disregard time served with CNC as very few policing skills are learnt or used....it's normally described more as an "armed security guard".
The mem I've known who work there have been quite peculiar, mostly odd bods trying to escape real life and wanting to mess about with guns. The ones who join in 30s or older tend to be setting up to abandon their families, or have just done so.

@Relocatiorelocation

That definitely fits his profile..he has always been mad about guns..very alpha male and I suppose the job makes him feel more manly?

How did you know so many men who work there if you dont mind me asking?

OP, ever since your husband started this training you've been posting constantly about whether he will have an affair, why he isn't calling/texting, why he isn't coming home often enough, etc. It is very obvious that you can't continue like this.

Your marriage is not working for you - or, I suspect, for him. He is basically proposing to live as a single guy at your joint expense.

Oh god, is THAT what's he's been training for? They only really call them police because they can arrest people and they carry guns. They're essentially armed guards; they don't do much/any actual police work beyond that.

You also must both have known when he started the training that he was only ever going to be able to work at a very small number of locations, and that most of them are in the middle of nowhere for fairly obvious reasons. Did you not consider all this before he applied for the training?

You do not trust your husband anyway, as your previous posts have shown; your marriage is not healthy. Your husband has actively chosen to live with a flatmate on less money in a location a long way from you and his children, which strongly suggests that he wants to be a single man who plays with big guns all day. I really think you need to extricate yourself from this marriage.

I did consider it completely! Read my previous posts, I was distraught because he was going ahead with it no matter what me, his parents or my family said.
He was adamant to do this career as he said its a fast track way of getting into the Police and then after his prohabition he wants to apply for more elite roles such as special branch etc.

The thing is I would agree with what youve said but he is the one who always wants to be settled as a family..loves to spend time together etc..I just dont know anymore. He is just very selfish, always has been and I guess Im kind of used to it.

I hope you're ok @Macbeth8 and that you've managed to sort things out with your H.