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Original poster

To say depression is not a weakness

82 replies

tamalams · 15/09/2022 00:05

A friend of mine and I were having a debate about mental health. I've never suffered personally apart from one episode when I nearly lost my son 15 years ago to an illness when he was a few days old - I received prompt treatment to the eyes (how mad!) and all was treated and dealt with.

My friend said that mental health issues are a sign of weakness in that persons brain. It's a topic that's a bit close to home after what happened as I don't feel I was weak.

But she made some points that I couldn't argue (maybe because I'm weak ha!) but they were points like counselling makes you stronger therefore you must be weak in the first place.

I tried saying no counselling gives you the tools to handle a situation and she just kept coming back with "isn't that just another way to say you're stronger"... Said I was bowing to the woke brigade and trying to be PC which I really am not.

But because it may be an issue that's close to home maybe I was a little sensitive about it maybe?

OP posts:
Yupsuuuure · 15/09/2022 00:06

Your friend is a twat. Mental illness can strike anyone at any time.

Underanothersky · 15/09/2022 00:15

But so what if it is a weakness? That doesn't make someone of less value than anyone else.

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 15/09/2022 00:19

If I have a shitty knee and I do physio that, literally, makes certain of my muscles stronger, in a targeted way, to help me work around the fault in my knee structure/cartilage/whatever, would you say I "had a weakness" and the fact that I did therapy that made me stronger proved that it was indeed "a weakness"?

I mean, technically, in a literal sense, I had a weakness, which was my shitty knee. But people wouldn't usually use that phrase there, in that specific way.

I have something like a shitty knee but it's in my mind, so I've taken medication, done specific types of therapy, and made lifestyle changes to adapt (just as I have with my literal shitty knees).

Pantsomime · 15/09/2022 00:20

She has no idea what she is talking about- it’s like having a conversation about how to handle kids/motherhood with someone who hasn’t had children

EnigmaCat · 15/09/2022 02:23

Her use of the word 'weakness' sounds a bit bullying or at the very least insensitive. I assume she'd never admit to having a 'weakness'.

Huntswomanonthemove · 15/09/2022 02:26

Such ignorance about illness is staggering.

MangyInseam · 15/09/2022 02:34

It really depends on what she means by weakness.

Is having a chronic illness a weakness, or bad knees? Probably lots of people would say it was.

MarshaMelrose · 15/09/2022 02:40

Depression is an illness. It's no more a sign of weakness than catching flu is.

ShirleyPhallus · 15/09/2022 02:42

i was bowing to the woke brigade and trying to be PC

anyone that says this is an idiot

Featuredcreature · 15/09/2022 02:49

I once heard that people with depression see things more realistically, I think that's probably true.

Featuredcreature · 15/09/2022 02:51

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Cherryana · 15/09/2022 03:34

She sounds like someone who can’t admit to herself that everyone is a mix of formidable strength and breath taking weakness and that is called being human.

There is something very off about the word weakness in this context as it sounds shaming. No wonder you had a reaction of revolution towards her view point.

MistyRock · 15/09/2022 04:40

Your friend is a dick, you could say her weakness is lack of empathy and compassion. Hopefully one day she never finds herself all 'weak' and depressed. People with depression are the strongest people I know. They get up in the morning, put on a mask just to get through the day, come home, take it off and get ready to face the next battle.

daretodenim · 15/09/2022 05:04

She's using weakness in a derogatory sense. It prejudiced the entire discussion from the get-go. On top of that she's not interested in actually listening or hearing another perspective (as you have done, because you're asking here), she'a solely interested in being right.

Can some people be more susceptible to some mental illnesses? Yes. Two examples would be that children of holocaust survivors living in New York at 9/11 had a higher incidence of PTSD post 9/11 than other populations. Secondly, military personnel who do more than one tour of active duty have higher rates of PTSD than those who do one.

Are they weak? Nope. Is it random? Not exactly. Is it straightforward? Not remotely.

Don't bother discussing this with your friend. She honestly has no idea what she's talking about. Lucky her.

StellaStacey · 15/09/2022 05:05

I actually think those dealing with their mental health are some of the strongest most resilient people out there.

Like you would look at someone who soldiers on with a physical disability and admire them, I feel the same for those who suffer with depression, anxiety etc.

The last word I'd use to describe them is weak, I'd use the complete opposite actually.

Your friend sounds intolerable.

Eviebeans · 15/09/2022 05:29

The thing about mental illness (in all it’s forms) is that it can happen to anyone
I don’t think it’s a case that you weakly decide to succumb to it
it doesn’t mean you’re weak - in fact I think it takes strength to deal with it on a daily basis

BettyCake · 15/09/2022 05:49

It's not weakness

I think some people are more susceptible to mental health conditions due to certain factors such as the wiring in their brain, their environment, their personality, their upbringing, genetics. Counselling helps some people but not everyone. Some people with chronic mental health problems with be on medication and struggle their whole lives.

Sally99 · 15/09/2022 05:59

I've taken medication for depression for nearly 40 years. I need antidepressants like a diabetic needs insulin. It has nothing to do with weakness; indeed there have been times when it has taken strength just to stay alive.

DaisyWaldron · 15/09/2022 06:28

I think your friend seems to have got confused between a weakness and a moral failing. I sprained my ankle badly once playing sport in my twenties and I still limp a bit for a few minutes when I get up each morning. My pelvic floor isn't what it was before I had kids. Those are weaknesses but they aren't anything to be ashamed of, any more than my allergy to cats or my repeated bouts of depression. Is someone with chronic fatigue or a lung disease a worse person because they aren't physically strong?

I really hate the implications of using "weak" to mean lazy or selfish or morally flawed and "strong" to mean brave or determined or hard-working. It's like the whole "battle with cancer" thing. People get sick and injured, and that's just life, not a reflection of their character or the result of not trying hard enough to be healthy.

DaisyWaldron · 15/09/2022 06:35

So for me, yes, my depression us a weakness in the same way that my dodgy ankle is a weakness. It's a health condition I live with which I sometimes have to be careful of because it can flare up in certain conditions which I now try to avoid. But that's just part of being alive and getting older and growing and living with the body and mind and life experience I have. Everyone has stuff like that and some people have stuff that has a huge impact on their life and other people have stuff that doesn't affect them that much, but that's mostly down to luck.

Nothingbuttheglory · 15/09/2022 06:39

The chance of suffering mental illness rises pretty much directly in proportion with the number of adverse life events a person has experienced.

Oblomov22 · 15/09/2022 06:39

I think your friend is correct. If you have a weak knee - it's a weakness. Your body isn't working quite correctly. Not 100%, not as it should. You may have a chemical imbalance in your brain, so to correct it, you may take AD's. Why is it a problem to admit this. Similarly, I've been a type one diabetic since the age of one. obviously my pancreas doesn't work properly and therefore I need to inject insulin (I have a pump). why is it embarrassing to admit this? It's a medical condition. I can't do anything about it, I couldn't have prevented it. where is the shame? There is none. what's the problem in admitting this? I don't see the issue.

RitzyTitzy · 15/09/2022 06:55

I am biased, admittedly, but there is very little that is weak about going through severe post natal depression or nervous breakdowns where you're on the edge of being hospitalised and still somehow getting up each morning to tend to your kids, doing the school run, faking your happiness to everyone at the school gates so no one can know something is wrong. There's also little weakness involved in surviving the childhood trauma that so often results in mental health issues. Quite the bloody opposite. Your friend is a nob.

BeanieTeen · 15/09/2022 07:39

Does she mean in a medical way? I suppose you could argue that sometimes depression comes out of nowhere, it could have something to do with the brain - lots of illnesses manifest due to some unknown ‘weakness’ or vulnerability in the body. But often depression stems from a trauma - like a broken leg. You wouldn’t say someone who broke their leg in a car crash that they had weak legs. Anyone can break a leg. Anyone can get depression.

BettyCake · 15/09/2022 07:40

but there is very little that is weak about going through severe post natal depression or nervous breakdowns where you're on the edge of being hospitalised and still somehow getting up each morning to tend to your kids, doing the school run, faking your happiness to everyone at the school gates so no

@RitzyTitzy yes this.100%