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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say depression is not a weakness

82 replies

tamalams · 15/09/2022 00:05

A friend of mine and I were having a debate about mental health. I've never suffered personally apart from one episode when I nearly lost my son 15 years ago to an illness when he was a few days old - I received prompt treatment to the eyes (how mad!) and all was treated and dealt with.

My friend said that mental health issues are a sign of weakness in that persons brain. It's a topic that's a bit close to home after what happened as I don't feel I was weak.

But she made some points that I couldn't argue (maybe because I'm weak ha!) but they were points like counselling makes you stronger therefore you must be weak in the first place.

I tried saying no counselling gives you the tools to handle a situation and she just kept coming back with "isn't that just another way to say you're stronger"... Said I was bowing to the woke brigade and trying to be PC which I really am not.

But because it may be an issue that's close to home maybe I was a little sensitive about it maybe?

OP posts:
sumosaussage · 15/09/2022 07:44

Well she isn't wrong

You're just sensitive due to your experience

Everyone has weaknesses and strengths

Having any 'issue' or 'illness' is a weakness

My ankle is weak and prone to twisting

I'd not get upset for someone saying that, as it's true

Oblomov22 · 15/09/2022 07:53

Agree sausage.
We all have strength and weaknesses.
I don't know anybody who is 100% - mentally or physically or emotionally.

CollywobbleisCreepy · 15/09/2022 07:58

Your friend is an idiot. Unfortunately my Mum has opinions in a similar vein which is incredibly frustrating.

Depression is an illness, that’s the long and the short of it. It doesn’t define a person and has no bearing on their character or personality. I very much dislike the “battling depression” turn of phrase (similar to “battling” cancer) as it suggests that if the person just fights hard enough and doesn’t give up they can overcome it. It’s lifelong and most people will suffer relapses and remissions over many years. Again it doesn’t make the person who they are.

Ariela · 15/09/2022 08:07

Depends what they mean by 'weakness' doesn't it?

JamesGetIn · 15/09/2022 08:11

OP what is "prompt treatment to the eyes"? Confused

toooldtodate · 15/09/2022 08:16

sumosaussage · 15/09/2022 07:44

Well she isn't wrong

You're just sensitive due to your experience

Everyone has weaknesses and strengths

Having any 'issue' or 'illness' is a weakness

My ankle is weak and prone to twisting

I'd not get upset for someone saying that, as it's true

Agree with this

Might be unpopular because everyone seems to claim to have depression or anxiety these days but it is true

MikeWozniaksMoustache · 15/09/2022 08:26

Her weakness appears to be that fact she’s a massive ballbag

midgetastic · 15/09/2022 08:27

Possibly accurate

I think that the idea that some mental illnesses are exacerbated by the brain organs equivalent of strong muscles or immune system is probably true

But weak especially mentally has huge additional connotations which mean it's not the best most accurate word and is stupidly insensitive

And whilst we have a great idea of what makes a strong muscle and a reasonable idea for the immune system we are only just learning what makes someone mentally resilient, so any implication of blame should also be avoided

midgetastic · 15/09/2022 08:29

And glad your son is ok

Interesting that could be the equivalent of having to unexpectedly pull or lift a very heavy load - almost certain to cause damage and hurt

SmallPrawnEnergy · 15/09/2022 08:30

Having any 'issue' or 'illness' is a weakness
Would you be confident to say that to someone in a wheelchair?

People strive so hard to be “technically” correct we’ve lost our empathy.

Others might think she is correct, and she might be, but it’s just a cunty thing to say. “I’m sorry you’re having w hard time, here let me kick you a little bit when you’re down too”.

Doingprettywellthanks · 15/09/2022 08:31

I received prompt treatment to the eyes (how mad!)

excuse me?

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 15/09/2022 08:33

Thankfully I've never experienced depression but I know plenty of extremely strong people who have.

Suggest to your ignorant friend that she reads 'Depressive Illness: The Curse Of The Strong' by Tim Cantopher.

sumosaussage · 15/09/2022 08:33

SmallPrawnEnergy · 15/09/2022 08:30

Having any 'issue' or 'illness' is a weakness
Would you be confident to say that to someone in a wheelchair?

People strive so hard to be “technically” correct we’ve lost our empathy.

Others might think she is correct, and she might be, but it’s just a cunty thing to say. “I’m sorry you’re having w hard time, here let me kick you a little bit when you’re down too”.

Of course

There are basic facts in this world, having limitations, is one of them

Just because the truth isn't nice, doesn't make it less true

As I said, everyone has strengths and weaknesses, only the sensitive or stupid can't understand that

chocolateisavegetable · 15/09/2022 08:35

I suggest you refer her to the book Depressive Illness - The Curse of The Strong by Dr Tim Cantopher

SunflowerOrange · 15/09/2022 08:39

It really depends on the tons of the original conversation doesn't it. I have some physical health issues (ie asthma) and some mental health issues.

I have asthma because my lungs are weak. They have a problem which thankfully can be managed with inhalers.

I have anxiety and depression as parts of my brain don't function as I would like. Its also a weakness in that sense. This is due to childhood trauma/serotonin whichever model you use. This can be managed day to day but takes a lot more effort than just taking an inhaler.

I dont think I am a weak person. Or someone is "weak" in a moral sense they way my father might see mental health issues with an old fashioned stiff upper lip.

But if they're talking about weakness as in a bit not functioning then I completely agree. And there's reasons for that (from childhood trauma, to significant life events etc) none of which say a person is at fault, but something is not working well.

SunflowerOrange · 15/09/2022 08:39

Tone not tons. If she was saying it's like any illness then I see where she's coming from.!

Notanotherwindow · 15/09/2022 08:40

Your friend is a bit of an arrogant twat isn't she? She certainly wouldn't be my friend any longer. Who needs enemies!

TheFormidableMrsC · 15/09/2022 08:41

I wouldn't want a friend who is such a massive twat.

Choopi · 15/09/2022 08:42

My wrists are fucked, I struggle to do lots of things because of them. Typing this on my phone is making my wrists hurt, it is a weakness, I mean it's hardly a strength is it?

Similarly I have anxiety, it gets in the way of me doing things I would like to do, it is a weakness.

Do these things mean I am weak? Absolutely not, as someone who grew up in an abusive home, had to make my own way from the age of 17 with no help or support at all I am far from weak, I am strong and resourceful. I do have some weaknesses though as I said and I don't think it's an awful thing to admit, every single person has some weaknesses.

I think it is a good thing to admit and address your weaknesses, how else are you going to find solutions? Having weaknesses does not equal being weak.

SunflowerOrange · 15/09/2022 08:51

Choopi yes thats an excellent way to admit it. I'd be silly to say my mental health issues don't affect me . They limit my life in so many ways at the moment which has had an effect on my physical health. It is a weakness I will carry. A weak point.

But I am not weak. A difference.

ManateeFair · 15/09/2022 08:59

It’s an illness. It’s no more a ‘weakness’ than, say, eczema.

Your friend’s own weakness, of course, is that she is a terrible cunt.

Said I was bowing to the woke brigade and trying to be PC

Yep, like I said. She’s a cunt.

Redqueenheart · 15/09/2022 09:44

Your friend is a fool.

I don't think I could socialise with someone who holds such silly views.

It was also very insensitive of her to say this if she is aware that you struggled with depression for a while.

If you do a little google search of historical figures who were known to suffer from depression you will find people like Winston Churchill, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, Charles Dickens and Virginia Woolf. Hardly people you could call ''weak''.

@Oblomov22 ''I think your friend is correct. If you have a weak knee - it's a weakness. Your body isn't working quite correctly. Not 100%, not as it should. You may have a chemical imbalance in your brain, so to correct it, you may take AD's.''

It is not that simple. Trauma can cause depression. If you are a victim of childhood abuse, assault, are in an accident, are a soldier on the frontline and so on, your mental health issues will be relating to these external factors rather than just being caused by brain chemistry.

Also, I think you misunderstand the use of ''weak'' when talking about people with mental health issues. it is a stigma that implies that people are depressed because they are not strong enough to cope with life, should just ''get on with it'' and it usually implies a flaw in character.

That sort of stigma means some people don't want to seek help because they are ''ashamed'' and that people with mental health issues are still discriminated in the workplace.

Frankly we seriously need to move on from that kind of nonsense...

ddl1 · 15/09/2022 12:12

I had at first thought that she might just be using 'weakness' to imply a medical weakness. But bringing up 'bowing to the woke brigade' in this context is massively insensitive at best.

LemonDrop22 · 15/09/2022 12:44

Depression can effect anyone at any time, particularly common when extreme stress, bereavement, unemployment, hormone changed etc happen.

Yes, some people have more of a predisposition due to genetics etc.

Your "friend" could he affected herself at any time.

Weakness is a very derogatory word for an illness.

It's especially noticeable how some very very high achievers suffer/ed from depression eg Winston Churchill, that Labour party whip/spin doctor or whatever his position was, Stephen Fry etc. .... Perhaps they'd see your friends lack of outstanding achievement as her "weakness" (?)

I had similar said to me by an ex bf. He was glad he had never suffered from that "weakness" ... I actually wasn't so sure that was true after seeing him for a year and a bit and the other thing I'd say about him was that he was generally ignorant, poorly educated, had v strong/extreme opinions, v judgemental, v self righteous and (sorry to say it but) not very smart.

Your friend might share some of those qualities.

LemonDrop22 · 15/09/2022 12:47

If you do a little google search of historical figures who were known to suffer from depression you will find people like Winston Churchill, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, Charles Dickens and Virginia Woolf. Hardly people you could call ''weak''.

And those are just the people who admitted it or had it documented about them; many many others would not ...
Because of attitudes like this.

It's medieval.