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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask a mum I’ve only just met for a coffee?

79 replies

mum2225 · 14/09/2022 22:30

I met a lovely mum this morning at a playgroup whose son is similar age (3.5 yrs) to mine. I really liked her, am feeling lonely (we’ve just moved to a new area) and am keen to make friends, but my DH thinks it’s too soon to invite her over for a coffee/playdate. If I see her again, would it be weird to invite her over? We only chatted for a couple of minutes and I don’t want to seem too pushy or desperate! What would you do?

OP posts:
vroom321 · 14/09/2022 22:32

She could become your best friend or turn into a stalker / someone you wouldn't want to know where you live. Can you add her on social media first? How about meet somewhere mutual? Can you just chat at playgroup?

AnImaginaryCat · 14/09/2022 22:34

Just ask. She can only say no.

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 14/09/2022 22:34

Can you suggest going to the park with her and the kids? It's like online dating, meet in a public place else you can't shake the fucker off!

Keroppi · 14/09/2022 22:36

I probably would just ask her to go for a play in park and grab a takeaway coffee after playgroup rather than invite over your house! I moved to a new area last year and this and Mush/Peanut is how I made friends. Good luck!

Daisymae55 · 14/09/2022 22:36

Next time you see her chat a bit more and get a better gauge of her (I’ve met mums who I teapot liked at first but soon realised were not nice, and mums I judged at first who have ended up my close friends). But if you still click then definitely ask her for coffee!

IWasFunBeforeMum · 14/09/2022 22:36

Do it!

MsFogi · 14/09/2022 22:39

I really don't understand why people over-analyse this stuff so much - you are not asking her to date you!! When I meet another mum who seems nice I invite them in or over for a coffee/suggest we meet up somewhere for a coffee. Sometimes it works out and we do it again and sometimes it becomes more of a friendship. Sometimes it is just 'okay' and we don't repeat it or do so if it is easy/convenient. It is not a big deal!!

Original poster
mum2225 · 14/09/2022 22:42

MsFogi · 14/09/2022 22:39

I really don't understand why people over-analyse this stuff so much - you are not asking her to date you!! When I meet another mum who seems nice I invite them in or over for a coffee/suggest we meet up somewhere for a coffee. Sometimes it works out and we do it again and sometimes it becomes more of a friendship. Sometimes it is just 'okay' and we don't repeat it or do so if it is easy/convenient. It is not a big deal!!

Would you do that in my situation though - after only meeting them once? I just don’t want to look desperate or weird!!

OP posts:
StarDolphins · 14/09/2022 22:46

I’ll be honest, if I spoke to someone for a couple of mins & they asked me for coffee/added me on SM I would give them a wide berth - my approach might not be the norm/right but i would think they were desperate or they had potential to be a clinger.

if I’d bumped into them a few times then yes, I’d be up for it! I’m a slow burner though.

could you go to the same place & chat again?

Isonthecase · 14/09/2022 22:47

Coffee and park in a public place is fine, home is a bit weird. I met one of my best friend that way, just clicked and took each others numbers to meet up for a park trip later.

SarahAndQuack · 14/09/2022 22:51

Depends whether it's easy to get coffee in the park where you are. If it is, do that. If (like me) you like somewhere more rural, no, it's not weird to ask her over for a coffee - what you do is, you say 'my DC would love a playdate! Would your DC like it? You're absolutely welcome for a cuppa too, or if you prefer I'll drop them back after an hour'.

As PP say, it's just socialising, so not worth overthinking. If this person is very reserved or doesn't like to socialise they may say no, but that's no skin off your nose, is it?

Rewis · 14/09/2022 23:19

It wouldn't be weird to ask someone to a park after 1 meeting in playgroup. Home might be a bit too much. "Hey, Would you and little Jimmy like to go to a park for a playdate someday? It looked like Jimmy and Davey were getting along well. We are new I the area so not sure which are the best play spots" or something similar.

GoldenSpiral · 14/09/2022 23:25

I would be a bit wary of you of I'm honest. Can't you just have another nice chat next time you see her? I would wait until at least the fourth chat before asking about playdates...

Original poster
mum2225 · 14/09/2022 23:26

Thanks so much for the feedback! I don’t see much difference between the park and home TBH - the park is about a 10 minute walk from both our homes. Would it be more casual to meet up there? Is it a bad idea to invite a mum I’ve only just met to my home?

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock1 · 14/09/2022 23:27

Try getting to know her better before jumping in.

Original poster
mum2225 · 14/09/2022 23:27

GoldenSpiral · 14/09/2022 23:25

I would be a bit wary of you of I'm honest. Can't you just have another nice chat next time you see her? I would wait until at least the fourth chat before asking about playdates...

Ok thanks. I do worry I’m a bit desperate!

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock1 · 14/09/2022 23:28

If she turns out to be a C.F or a stalker you'll regret inviting her to your home so soon.

user1471457751 · 14/09/2022 23:29

If you see her again just have a longer chat. You can't really know if you like someone after just a couple of minutes of interaction.

Original poster
mum2225 · 14/09/2022 23:30

EmeraldShamrock1 · 14/09/2022 23:28

If she turns out to be a C.F or a stalker you'll regret inviting her to your home so soon.

She seems lovely - so I’m not worried about that! Just concerned that she’ll think I’m a bit weird!

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 14/09/2022 23:38

Of course not, how else are you supposed to make friends??

I would go to a cafe rather than home to start with

Trinity65 · 15/09/2022 00:03

mum2225 · 14/09/2022 22:30

I met a lovely mum this morning at a playgroup whose son is similar age (3.5 yrs) to mine. I really liked her, am feeling lonely (we’ve just moved to a new area) and am keen to make friends, but my DH thinks it’s too soon to invite her over for a coffee/playdate. If I see her again, would it be weird to invite her over? We only chatted for a couple of minutes and I don’t want to seem too pushy or desperate! What would you do?

Awww no YANBU OP
Go for It.
Great friendships can start from small things.
Best of Luck

Trinity65 · 15/09/2022 00:03

Or maybe go for a coffee out somewhere? That might be better at first.

feckoffbrian · 15/09/2022 00:08

Do it.

Gruffling · 15/09/2022 00:13

As you've just moved to the area, I think that's fine.

Honestly, I regret not just asking some of the nicer mums I met at groups to meet up.

As the mother of a 3.5 year old, I understand why you might just invite them round to your home - it's just easier when they have all their toys to play with together.

Thissucksmonkeynuts · 15/09/2022 00:21

Go for it, the kids play, you chat. Obviously don't invite dh,he sounds like no fun 😉.
And done too disappointing she sys no/ turns out to be flaky, these things happen butyou have to try.