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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask a mum I’ve only just met for a coffee?

79 replies

mum2225 · 14/09/2022 22:30

I met a lovely mum this morning at a playgroup whose son is similar age (3.5 yrs) to mine. I really liked her, am feeling lonely (we’ve just moved to a new area) and am keen to make friends, but my DH thinks it’s too soon to invite her over for a coffee/playdate. If I see her again, would it be weird to invite her over? We only chatted for a couple of minutes and I don’t want to seem too pushy or desperate! What would you do?

OP posts:
Summerfun54321 · 15/09/2022 00:34

mum2225 · 14/09/2022 23:26

Thanks so much for the feedback! I don’t see much difference between the park and home TBH - the park is about a 10 minute walk from both our homes. Would it be more casual to meet up there? Is it a bad idea to invite a mum I’ve only just met to my home?

I wouldn’t go round to a strangers house I’ve spoken to for 2 minutes no. Just meet and chat in the park first. A play date at your house as a first meeting would be really full on IMO.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 15/09/2022 00:37

mum2225 · 14/09/2022 23:26

Thanks so much for the feedback! I don’t see much difference between the park and home TBH - the park is about a 10 minute walk from both our homes. Would it be more casual to meet up there? Is it a bad idea to invite a mum I’ve only just met to my home?

Not at all,it's perfectly normal. Have a lovely time.

beachcitygirl · 15/09/2022 00:53

Park/play first. More casual & relaxed x

FreyaStorm · 15/09/2022 01:04

Too soon.
Maybe ask once you’ve seen her a few more times at the playgroup and chatted more.

From personal experience of being on the other side of exactly this sort of thing, being a stage 5 clinger is very off putting.

Anyone out there for someone from a mummy group practically stalking them? I don’t want any further contact but I don’t want to be rude.

FreyaStorm · 15/09/2022 01:05

FreyaStorm · 15/09/2022 01:04

Too soon.
Maybe ask once you’ve seen her a few more times at the playgroup and chatted more.

From personal experience of being on the other side of exactly this sort of thing, being a stage 5 clinger is very off putting.

Anyone out there for someone from a mummy group practically stalking them? I don’t want any further contact but I don’t want to be rude.

*got any advice.

jokingfox · 15/09/2022 01:16

If you were the mummy friend I met recently then I would have said yes!

nokidshere · 15/09/2022 01:31

I met a lovely mum this morning at a playgroup whose son is similar age (3.5 yrs) to mine. I really liked her, am feeling lonely (we’ve just moved to a new area) and am keen to make friends, but my DH thinks it’s too soon to invite her over for a coffee/playdate. If I see her again, would it be weird to invite her over? We only chatted for a couple of minutes and I don’t want to seem too pushy or desperate! What would you do?

Absolutely invite her for coffee or a play date. 23yrs ago a lady I met for a few minutes in a local office knocked on my door a few days later to see if I was free for coffee. I invited her in and we have been friends ever since. Our sons have been best friends since that day, both were under a year at the time.

Smileandtheworldsmileswithyou · 15/09/2022 02:03

I did this once, met someone in the park and realised our children were in swimming classes together. We didn't know each other at all but had a bit of a chat as we walked around. she mentioned that she didn't know many other people in the area, and no one with children so I gave her my number and we met up in the park again with the kids the following week. Became really great friends, so I would say go for it!

miltonj · 15/09/2022 03:02

Do it. I never think it's weird when people suggest coffee. It's not like you're suggesting a blood ritual or something!

notdaddycool · 15/09/2022 03:36

Ask for her phone number and let her know the next time you plan to go, then start to meet specifically at play grounds, grab a coffee after then as winter comes then offer your home when the weather is bad and you were planning on playground. Multi step, gets you where you want to be without seeming like stalker, and with chances to sus her out.

Scrappydoo668 · 15/09/2022 04:27

mum2225 · 14/09/2022 23:26

Thanks so much for the feedback! I don’t see much difference between the park and home TBH - the park is about a 10 minute walk from both our homes. Would it be more casual to meet up there? Is it a bad idea to invite a mum I’ve only just met to my home?

It would be fine! But I’d start with the park.

Newmummu · 15/09/2022 05:59

Go for it, it's just coffee!

WoodlandWalks123 · 15/09/2022 06:08

i would do coffee at a cafe or a playground meet up before coffee at home, there is a difference - but do go for it! I have been to get a coffee at costa before and also park for play date with people I have met once and I don’t think I’m strange!

GiantTortoise · 15/09/2022 06:11

Go for it OP. She'll probably be feeling exactly the same as you.

Willbe2under2 · 15/09/2022 06:13

Just do it OP. We have a few cafés round here with small soft plays in which would be ideal for something like this. I wouldn't think you were weird at all and would love to be invited for coffee! How else do you make new friends?

Willbe2under2 · 15/09/2022 06:16

FreyaStorm · 15/09/2022 01:04

Too soon.
Maybe ask once you’ve seen her a few more times at the playgroup and chatted more.

From personal experience of being on the other side of exactly this sort of thing, being a stage 5 clinger is very off putting.

Anyone out there for someone from a mummy group practically stalking them? I don’t want any further contact but I don’t want to be rude.

I think you're projecting here... asking them for coffee once is not clingy or stalking 🙄

vroom321 · 15/09/2022 06:17

I think a lot of you are missing a huge part of her question.

She isn't talking about meeting in a cafe or park.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 15/09/2022 06:17

@mum2225 just do it. A normal person won't think coffee is the same as a satanic ritual. Anyone who thinks you need to meet up at playgroup ninety billion times before you have coffee together probably isn't someone you're going to want to be friends with anyway!

goid luck settling in to the new area!

bodie1890 · 15/09/2022 06:21

mum2225 · 14/09/2022 22:42

Would you do that in my situation though - after only meeting them once? I just don’t want to look desperate or weird!!

Show quote history

You are way overthinking this.

It doesn't look desperate or weird to ask someone for coffee. You can do it very casually - "how about grabbing a coffee sometime during the week?"

I'm always happy when people do this - doesn't matter if you only met them once or twice.

I'd probably give it a bit longer before inviting her over to the house, though.

PrincessConsuelaBanana · 15/09/2022 06:27

Definitely not unreasonable to ask her to meet up again with the kids - park, playgroup or soft play etc maybe? I wouldn’t think someone was odd to suggest this after only meeting once before of our kids were similar ages.
I would be a little weirded out being invited to a strangers house however, I personally wouldn’t suggest that until you’ve met a few times.

W0tnow · 15/09/2022 06:44

I vote yes. Either the park or your place. Your place is fine, if it is a convenient distance for her.

RedHelenB · 15/09/2022 06:45

mum2225 · 14/09/2022 22:30

I met a lovely mum this morning at a playgroup whose son is similar age (3.5 yrs) to mine. I really liked her, am feeling lonely (we’ve just moved to a new area) and am keen to make friends, but my DH thinks it’s too soon to invite her over for a coffee/playdate. If I see her again, would it be weird to invite her over? We only chatted for a couple of minutes and I don’t want to seem too pushy or desperate! What would you do?

There's some weird answers on here, when I made mum friends that's exactly what we did. Go for it.

BruisedSkies · 15/09/2022 06:46

do it. I wouldn’t think it was weird, that’s how you make friends. It’s not desperate to want to make friends.

30hourschildcare · 15/09/2022 06:52

I met a really nice mum at a kids club yesterday and felt the same. I didn't ask because I know I will see her next week and thought best to see her a few more times first.

If you know you will see her weekly, I'd wait a few more weeks.

It's so hard to gauge though isn't it, it does feel like chatting someone up sometimes 🤣

CrabbitBastard · 15/09/2022 06:56

Too soon. Have a few more chats at playgroup. Whilst I've love new friends I'd be a bit taken aback by an invitation immediately after meeting someone for the first time.