To wonder why both my kids hate my mum?

[Dittof]

Literally as soon as they see her approaching the house they run and hide. Her hearing is terrible and she speaks quite loudly. Admittedly she isn’t great with kids but she loves them very much and constantly offers to babysit. My daughter tells me she doesn’t like her (she wouldn’t dare tell her), my kids are 5 and 2. Has anybody been through this? How did you overcome it?

my mum is quite a practical person who would do anything for us, always asks if we need anything from the shops and always willing to help our with school runs etc.

However, she does not listen to a word anybody says, I’ve never been able to talk to her as I know she isn’t really listening and blurts out what she wants to talk about mid conversation, she will also not answer me and talk about something completely different. Maybe the kids pick up on that?

I suppose my question is, she I keep trying to let her have the kids or should I just accept that is the way it is?

I don't think it does teach them to ignore their feelings about someone, depending on what you're actually saying to them about it and what they're saying to you. I think it allows them to find ways to deal with people they feel uncomfortable around because their manner is not super friendly and fun. I think protecting children from having to interact with adults they find it difficult to interact with is not giving them the rubbing-along-with-people skills you need for the rest of your life.

Of course that's not to say if they feel threatened by them or the adult is hurtful they shouldn't be listened to, but if her manner is slightly odd and they learn to deal with her they will learn to interact with the kid with ASD in school, or the overbearing friend, or the shouty teacher using the same skills. You don't get to take yourself away from everyone whom you find difficult in life and sometimes you can find that despite or even because of their tricky natures you can actually learn to appreciate their qualities. I don't think that is allowing other people's feelings to outrank your own.

Children are often very good judges of character....why subject them to being cared for by her if they are against it? Its not fair especially when they are so young, and could potentially cause them trust issues and resentment towards you.Do you have anyone else who can help look after them instead who is warm, engaging and playful? Save the granny visits for short and sweet whole family occasions where the children aren't forced to be alone with her 1-1 xx